Bitter about being unattractive

[recluse]

Anyone else bitter over being unattractive? I think a huge part of my depression and social anxiety is being totally unhappy with the way i look. I exercise often and i am in pretty reasonable shape, but i can't find anything about me i think people would find attractive.

I pretty much hate everything about my face. I also look pasty and ill, but i'm not going to go under a sun bed because i find sunbed tans horrible.

Before i post my pic on this and other sites i take lots and lots in the vain attempt to look better(as if i'll look like Brad Pitt lol!), different settings on my camera etc but i still end up looking the same.

I've had people say that i have nice eyes and nice lips, but it's not enough for me to feel attractive....It kind of sounds like ''You are ugly but atleast you have nice eyes'' except they don't say the ugly part in my face.

I also get the ''nice guy'' thing a lot but my bitterness is making me a horrible person, so i don't even have that to fall back on. I've lost most of my sense of humour which makes me more unattractive still, humour being an attractive trait.

When i hear women talking about how attractive a certain guy is i feel pain because i know i won't get that kind of attention ever.

So yeah my lack of physicall attractiveness is a probably 90% a factor in my social anxiety, depression, fear of talking to women.

 

[Blandy]

This post really jumped out at me because of my problems, First things first ur not "ugly" atall so lets clear that up.

I have exactly the same problem with my my self appearance, for me i feel like 1000x more confident when i dont feel ugly, instead of tackling the problem, for the last 2 years ive just done literally everything in my power to feel more attractive/confident.

I wont go out if i feel ugly, everything has to be perfect, i use tons of skin products, try to work out atleast 2 hours a day, eat 5 fruit/vegetable a day, its never ending, im getn laser eye surgery when im 20, i even try to take cold showers because ive read its better for you.

It dosnt matter what i do i though, i never feel good looking, im starting to realise that i will never be good enough and that i seriosly need to change my views on my appearence, but its really hard. I dont believe what other people say. For me i think this is the root of all my other problems.

i have no idea if that helped, infact im pretty sure it didnt
I just needed to vent i guess

 

[recluse]

That's the thing ''ur not ugly at all'' you're just saying that to be nice like 99.9% of people.

By the way you are a good looking guy, not like me.

 

[Azael]

That's the way people are. They tell you one thing because they don't have to experience it. In their little world it doesn't matter. Throw in a few shallow compliments and they are on their merry way. For us though it's a way of life. Having every aspect of our existence tarnished because of our appearance is something we can never overcome. A few little half-hearted compliments can never remedy that.

 

[Kinetik]

So what's the worst that can happen? A woman calls you ugly? Or she strings you along for a while before letting you down gently? These things happen to every single man on earth. Everyone has different tastes. The sheer fact that a lot of women find Brad Pitt gross should speak volumes.

All you can do is try to bounce back quickly if you are ignored/called ugly, and learn to spot a waste-of-time situation if a woman tries to put you on the back burner. All men have to learn these things, it's not just those who consider themselves 'ugly.' Sometimes you're just not her thing, and if that's the case, move on as fast as you can.

That aside though, there are numerous ways to be attractive to numerous women, and they're not nearly as readily definable as you seem to think they are. To the right woman, you will look perfect because the total package is what's attractive. And that total package isn't governed by stereotypes like humor, money, good looks etc. There are endless variables that will make you a god to the right girl, and she will also help to bring out qualities in you that you didn't even think you had. All you have to do is have the guts to go look for her.

 

[emre43]

That's the thing ''ur not ugly at all'' you're just saying that to be nice like 99.9% of people.

By the way you are a good looking guy, not like me.

You seem to want to accept that you're ugly. Okay, but how does that help. So what if a girl calls you ugly? Everybody on this planet is ugly to some people and yet attractive to others.

I'll pull this quote out that a friend gave to me: "My husband has a unibrow. Do I find the unibrow attractive? Not really. Do I find it attractive that he refused to pluck it because he liked it the way it was? Absolutely. And I wasn't the only girl who had her eye on him".

I'm not saying you're not ugly just to be nice; I genuinely don't think that you are ugly. I've known people far uglier than you who have gone on to have happy relationships with wonderful people.

 

[Blandy]

That's the thing ''ur not ugly at all'' you're just saying that to be nice like 99.9% of people.

By the way you are a good looking guy, not like me.

Ur exactly like me, u cant take compliments because u feel that the other person is saying it only to be nice.

 

[Blandy]

So what's the worst that can happen? A woman calls you ugly? Or she strings you along for a while before letting you down gently? These things happen to every single man on earth. Everyone has different tastes. The sheer fact that a lot of women find Brad Pitt gross should speak volumes.

All you can do is try to bounce back quickly if you are ignored/called ugly, and learn to spot a waste-of-time situation if a woman tries to put you on the back burner. All men have to learn these things, it's not just those who consider themselves 'ugly.' Sometimes you're just not her thing, and if that's the case, move on as fast as you can.

That aside though, there are numerous ways to be attractive to numerous women, and they're not nearly as readily definable as you seem to think they are. To the right woman, you will look perfect because the total package is what's attractive. And that total package isn't governed by stereotypes like humor, money, good looks etc. There are endless variables that will make you a god to the right girl, and she will also help to bring out qualities in you that you didn't even think you had. All you have to do is have the guts to go look for her.

Ok imagine a moment when u have ever felt down about ur looks, etc bad hair day or w/e, now multiply that by about 100,
then imagine feeling that way all the time, now imagine trying to be confident and be your self with people when u feel like that.

 

[Barry1979]

People have different tastes.....what some may think is ugly....someone else thinks the total opposite, its always been that way. I find it very interesting. But if you are not happy with your own appearence it can be very difficult.

 

[emre43]

Ok imagine a moment when u have ever felt down about ur looks, etc bad hair day or w/e, now multiply that by about 100,
then imagine feeling that way all the time, now imagine trying to be confident and be your self with people when u feel like that.

But why do you need to multiply it by a 100? From your profile photo you look a handsome young man.

 

[recluse]

So what's the worst that can happen? A woman calls you ugly? Or she strings you along for a while before letting you down gently? These things happen to every single man on earth. Everyone has different tastes. The sheer fact that a lot of women find Brad Pitt gross should speak volumes.

All you can do is try to bounce back quickly if you are ignored/called ugly, and learn to spot a waste-of-time situation if a woman tries to put you on the back burner. All men have to learn these things, it's not just those who consider themselves 'ugly.' Sometimes you're just not her thing, and if that's the case, move on as fast as you can.

That aside though, there are numerous ways to be attractive to numerous women, and they're not nearly as readily definable as you seem to think they are. To the right woman, you will look perfect because the total package is what's attractive. And that total package isn't governed by stereotypes like humor, money, good looks etc. There are endless variables that will make you a god to the right girl, and she will also help to bring out qualities in you that you didn't even think you had. All you have to do is have the guts to go look for her.

Yes that is exactly what i fear. Hmmm i think that more women find Brad Pitt(or another good looking male) more attractive than me.

I'm not just talking about impressing women either, i feel ugly either way.

 

[recluse]

You seem to want to accept that you're ugly. Okay, but how does that help. So what if a girl calls you ugly? Everybody on this planet is ugly to some people and yet attractive to others.

I'll pull this quote out that a friend gave to me: "My husband has a unibrow. Do I find the unibrow attractive? Not really. Do I find it attractive that he refused to pluck it because he liked it the way it was? Absolutely. And I wasn't the only girl who had her eye on him".

I'm not saying you're not ugly just to be nice; I genuinely don't think that you are ugly. I've known people far uglier than you who have gone on to have happy relationships with wonderful people.

It's a case of having no choice. So what if a girl calls me ugly? (or a man for that matter)...I think the answer is pretty obvious don't you think!?...Put it this way i'm not going to be doing cartwheels am i!?

 

[recluse]

Ur exactly like me, u cant take compliments because u feel that the other person is saying it only to be nice.

Yeah how can you trust what people say, but on the other hand i would fear hearing the truth.

 

[Agent_Violet]

I've dated some really traditionally "ugly" men because their personalities made them SO freaking sexy and attractive to me. I may not have given them a chance at first bc they weren't my ideal in the looks department but the longer I knew them, the sexier and more handsome they became.
It's all about the type of woman you're into. If you are attracted to shallow women, you'll get shallow "you're so nice" responses.

There's no reason to be bitter about not looking like what society says is "attractive" wtf does ANYONE know about what's REALLY attractive? There is no set formula for attractiveness.
There are some really ugly men in hollywood and in magazines. my favorite example is kevin spacey...he is just NOT attractive in the traditional sense of the word. But i find him unbelievably smooth and handsome bc of how he is during interviews,the movie roles he accepts,etc.

I don't even know if i'm making any sense. but i hope i am.

 

[doubtmyself]

Bitterness will make you unattractive

 

[skins]

I've dated some really traditionally "ugly" men because their personalities made them SO freaking sexy and attractive to me. I may not have given them a chance at first bc they weren't my ideal in the looks department but the longer I knew them, the sexier and more handsome they became.
It's all about the type of woman you're into. If you are attracted to shallow women, you'll get shallow "you're so nice" responses.

There's no reason to be bitter about not looking like what society says is "attractive" wtf does ANYONE know about what's REALLY attractive? There is no set formula for attractiveness.
There are some really ugly men in hollywood and in magazines. my favorite example is kevin spacey...he is just NOT attractive in the traditional sense of the word. But i find him unbelievably smooth and handsome bc of how he is during interviews,the movie roles he accepts,etc.

I don't even know if i'm making any sense. but i hope i am.

so true...good post

 

[recluse]

You're definitely not ugly, you have a very inviting smile and nice eyes. You'll dismiss this comment as politeness but maybe that's the problem - you are too set in your own belief and have made it seem virtually impossible to get out of it.

Attractiveness isn't just about looks, it's about character. Personally, I rarely find these 'hunks' attractive... to me they are all plain and boring looking. Attractiveness to me is about a dimple in the cheek and a sparkle in the eye - something that shows character.

Maybe you have reservations about your looks - I think most of us do, but you know the phrase, 'looking good is feeling good?'... I prefer to say, 'feeling good is looking good' . A genuine smile makes somebody look a billion times better. You need to try and build up your confidence through other ways... maybe by accepting that those are your looks, you can't change them, so work with them. Find the things you DO like about yourself and focus on those.
You won't feel better if you maintain such conflict within yourself.

What if my belief is justified? I've been called ugly in my face in the past. I even had a member on here telling me to get a nose job, on a site which is meant to be a support site.

I've been told that my character is liked but when i get depressed i feel that everything is unlikeable about me so i don't even have my character to fall back on. I basically become withdrawn and don't want to talk to anyone. Having social anxiety is a further blow because when your social skills suck you have nothing to make you shine.

 

[AsTimeBurns]

I can certainly empathise. People online tend to always give compliments or disagree with your own personal opinion of your appearance, but then you get out into the real world and all you get is insults really. I'm not sure I'd say I was bitter as such..I'm jealous of people who are attractive, and I can certainly agree with what you said earlier about getting depressed when you hear women talk about attractive men. For example, a year or so ago there was a girl I really fancied, and I heard her and her friends talking about a new person who had started work with us and how they all thought he was really good looking, and that was really depressing, because I know no-one will ever think that about me, the most I might get is some pity.

I'm not sure what the answer is to be honest, I'm at the point now where I know I'll personally never find anyone, partly because of the way I look, and partly because of the person this depression and lack of confidence has made me become. So I can't offer much advice really, only say that I know how you're feeling.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Yes that is exactly what i fear. Hmmm i think that more women find Brad Pitt(or another good looking male) more attractive than me.

Going off looks alone, they probably find Brad Pitt more attractive than most guys they see every day, but so what? You probably find Angelina Jolie more attractive than the average girl you see walking down the street, but does that mean you wouldn't date anyone who didn't look like a model or an actress? Of course not.

Judging by your avatar there's nothing wrong with the way you look. You're certainly not ugly, and I see lots of guys who look similar to you with girlfriends, so they're clearly not ugly either.

 

[recluse]

Going off looks alone, they probably find Brad Pitt more attractive than most guys they see every day, but so what? You probably find Angelina Jolie more attractive than the average girl you see walking down the street, but does that mean you wouldn't date anyone who didn't look like a model or an actress? Of course not.

Judging by your avatar there's nothing wrong with the way you look. You're certainly not ugly, and I see lots of guys who look similar to you with girlfriends, so they're clearly not ugly either.

I don't see the big deal in Angelina Jolie and most of famous women.