Why is my life such a mess
- Thread starter Srijita52
- Start date
I'm sorry you had to go through that, she sounds like a real idiot
how does your aunt even know about your social life? Honestly, can you be a bit mysterious and just vague?
My relatives only know what is really necessary... Maybe you can have a word with your parents or anyone else living with you as to what you're okay with being discussed with other relatives etc?
Sometimes they can be just 'friendly-teasing' and mean nothing by it, but it can get annoying, yeah...
My dad did it to cousin too, who then got married and divorced, and now we can rub it in. hee hee
(So maybe look for some not-so-stellar examples in the family or community, who got over-social and then maybe went on to bad ways? Much better to have a nice 'calm' or 'quiet' kid than disorderly drunk/womanizer/trashygirl/bully/criminal/whateverelseyourparentsandrelativesfear hmm?)
My relatives only know what is really necessary... Maybe you can have a word with your parents or anyone else living with you as to what you're okay with being discussed with other relatives etc?
Sometimes they can be just 'friendly-teasing' and mean nothing by it, but it can get annoying, yeah...
My dad did it to cousin too, who then got married and divorced, and now we can rub it in. hee hee
(So maybe look for some not-so-stellar examples in the family or community, who got over-social and then maybe went on to bad ways? Much better to have a nice 'calm' or 'quiet' kid than disorderly drunk/womanizer/trashygirl/bully/criminal/whateverelseyourparentsandrelativesfear hmm?)
mikebird
Banned
My aunt and a lot of my family were like that with me, too - mocking, and every social gathering's main topic was always: have you got a girlfriend, Mike?
Aunt's dead now, about 20 years ago. She had a military attitude - was a nurse, and brought up her children strictly making them all successful - a barrister, singer, nurses, etc... and I wish my parents were like that, telling me what to do, and making me what I could have been. I'm envious of my cousins. All based in Stockport. Whoooo!! Yeaahhhh!! Character!
I was just left to myself, sitting alone, playing computer games - no friends. If I ever had kids (uh... not - because of the state I'm in) then I wouldn't allow anyone to grow without siblings, and let anyone grow up by themselves. I needed direction, and sociability
ScaredToBreathe
Well-known member
most people without social disorders misunderstand them. they probably believe it's easier than it really is for us to communicate properly with others. it's so hard to get it through their heads how difficult our lives are and that we don't choose to be this way; we would be more social if we could.
maybe you should try to talk to her and any other family members, and explain what it's like to be you and what you're going through. even if she still doesn't get it, it's worth a try if you can.
maybe you should try to talk to her and any other family members, and explain what it's like to be you and what you're going through. even if she still doesn't get it, it's worth a try if you can.
Richey
Well-known member
people like that have no self conscious and live in their own tunnel visioned world and think they can just say anything and its ok.
ever noticed that "cool" people don't judge. people who you generally want to befriend aren't judgemental or gossipy because they are to busy in a swagger of fun and niceness.
who wants to be normal? uniqueness is a great thing.
My advice is to work on your social life but don't let it become cliched. Do it how you want to. Go to gigs, museums, events, restaurants, conferences. It doesn't have to be the status quo of going to the pub or club, unless you want to.
also next time if someone says something like that then if you can, try and respond with something eqaully as compelling, like "why can't you be a good auntie"...or something better, don't let her get away with it. It shows poor people skills on her part.
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Exactly. Upbringing is very improtant. My cousins all have more successful lives than my sibling and I. Considering I have obvious issues, I of course won't have kids and subject them to bad parenting ruin their lives. It would be too evil, having children when you know you are unable to provide them the requisite emotional help and support to allow them to become independant adults, it just wouldn't be right.
LazyHermitCrab
Well-known member
It's not normal to call someone not normal. She lacks maturity.....
Purplepixies
Active member
My aunts treat me the same way. They all say "What are you waiting to find yourself a husband?" Mind you I'm only 20. All of the family always looks down on me because to them It's like I'm a walking dead person. I do things! I go to the movies. I go to bars once in a blue moon. I shop a lot and I tend to be quite a girly girl most of the time. The issue is I also do stuff like going to Harry Potter Conventions, play games and attend stuff like comic con in full cos play, and this is were they stand on to build my tomb. I don't see why I must have someone to make plans of marriage already! They say it's because of the money. They expect me to land me some rich dude and that's life for them. They all met their rich husbands really early.Well that's what I'm going to college for. I can make money on my own! I just want someone who has the personality I crave so badly to find.
Money comes and goes. And they compare me to all the other girls in the family. How pretty and independent they are. How they all got boyfriends and are in plans to get married. How they live with their Boyfriends and have cars and other crap. -_-
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SLikeSascha
Member
I feel like family members can be extremely intrusive.
Some of my relatives are the same way, they question my lifestyle and my decisions.
The same time they wonder why I don't attend many family get togethers ...
Some of my relatives are the same way, they question my lifestyle and my decisions.
The same time they wonder why I don't attend many family get togethers ...
Section_31
Well-known member
I think in every family, if your lucky, theres at least 1 person, or more if your very unlucky, who just doesnt get it.
People can be really insensitive, and even off as rude or cruel, not realizing the impact their words and actions can have. Remember that saying, "kids can be so cruel", nobody told us anything about that translating into adulthood.
It sucks, it hurts, and it wont be the last time. wish i could say with absolute certainty that it would stop, but really, who can predict such things?.
I just try to remind myself, that whoever it is, they are just very ignorant and dont know what its like. How can you understand somthing if you dont have to deal with it every day?.
Because many others have the ability to contain their anxiety, unlike us, they will never be able to fully understand what we go through, and that in itself breeds mis-perceptions about us. That we are thin skinned, or just weak, that we need to toughen up.
I see the opposite side of the coin. To me, going through life the way we do, and putting up with all the crap that we do, proves that we can be just as strong and tough in life as anyone else. Sure, we may not always succeed, i fled a job once because i couldnt contain my anxiety, and have had numerous other simliar things happen, im sure there are countless other stories on here, but my point is if you dont give up, it will make you stronger in the end. and that my friends, is worth more than anything in the world.
Wow, i really need to keep posting while having my morning coffee! i feel so inspired now...
People can be really insensitive, and even off as rude or cruel, not realizing the impact their words and actions can have. Remember that saying, "kids can be so cruel", nobody told us anything about that translating into adulthood.
It sucks, it hurts, and it wont be the last time. wish i could say with absolute certainty that it would stop, but really, who can predict such things?.
I just try to remind myself, that whoever it is, they are just very ignorant and dont know what its like. How can you understand somthing if you dont have to deal with it every day?.
Because many others have the ability to contain their anxiety, unlike us, they will never be able to fully understand what we go through, and that in itself breeds mis-perceptions about us. That we are thin skinned, or just weak, that we need to toughen up.
I see the opposite side of the coin. To me, going through life the way we do, and putting up with all the crap that we do, proves that we can be just as strong and tough in life as anyone else. Sure, we may not always succeed, i fled a job once because i couldnt contain my anxiety, and have had numerous other simliar things happen, im sure there are countless other stories on here, but my point is if you dont give up, it will make you stronger in the end. and that my friends, is worth more than anything in the world.
Wow, i really need to keep posting while having my morning coffee! i feel so inspired now...
Purplepixies
Active member
I need coffeeeeee
SLikeSascha
Member
That's good. I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to apologize.
da_illest101
Well-known member
I can relate to that, I find my parents were too loose with me and my sister has soon as we went to high school. Like they thought we could learn everything on our own. Now they are complaining that we are not as successful as other of my cousins.
TheSanctuarian
Well-known member
It may not be lack of maturity, It could just be that she doesn't understand the way you work. if you don't want a social life its nothing to do with her.
You're aunt said that!! That's really awful of her. I somewhat can relate though, nearly all of my extended family is like this except for my aunt who's very sweet and kind (she herself has SA too) I'm sorry for your aunt's behaviour. Hope she realizes her mistake soon 
da_illest101
Well-known member
Am I the only one who ever stood up to a family member telling me that? my aunt told me the same thing and I told her : what are you 5 years old? Trying to bully me, really? The expression on her face was so priceless even my cousin ( her son) laugh, my mom was mad though. Haven't seen her since then, that was last summer.
Seriously stand up for yourself even if you gonna make some enemies
Seriously stand up for yourself even if you gonna make some enemies