I'm scared

[recluse]

I'm going backwards instead of forwards, my social anxiety is getting worse. I can do things like travel alone (recently come back from holiday alone) but social interaction is near impossible.

Since around February i have been in a bad mental state; Depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, basically living in my own head not being able to function. My work is suffering and i don't even enjoy anything anymore not even my hobbies.

I pushed myself to go with people from work for a meal and i spent the entire evening not saying much, just sitting like a dummy feeling detached. I just feel so detached from everyone, i can't find pleasure in being with people yet i yearn to feel close to people.

As i was saying i went on holiday for ten days and i could not really enjoy it much, as all i could see were people with friends, couples having fun talking and laughing etc. I felt like i was going crazy with jealousy seeing people like this. All i hear at work is people talking about their great social lives and the parties and other social stuff they have been to.

I'm just feeling really lonely and there is no use telling me i need to go out and meet people because i end up just feeling even lonelier. It seems i can't relate to anyone not even my parents. I think i am going to end up homeless when my parents eventually go and this thought scares me.

 

[miss_amy]

I'm sorry to hear you feeling like this.

I can relate to the detached feeling. I crave to make friends and be with people and in theory I know all the things that I am supposed to do but making that jump feels like the equivalent of jumping of a cliff to me. It's so hard and I just don't know how to approach people.

I'm glad you are still working, that must be a positive.

Nice to see you here too. I feel like you are an old friend, silly I know because we don't really know each other.

 

[Feathers]

hey r,

you're totally BRAVE to have gone on vacation - at least you know now that that particular spot is not particularly good choice for single solo people!! (I've been to a few seaside resorts that were kinda awful choice even with friends too!! Don't wanna go to the seaside anymore lol!!)

having vacations on your own (or even with single friends) can suck (if you're in location with too many happy couples and familes!! or teenage 'gangs' yikes)

Where were you? Sea/mountains/spa/...? Maybe some organized program or course would be better? (eg they have yoga retreats or such...)

You're brave to go with co-workers... It probably depends where you work: some people 'click' with co-wokers, some don't... You don't have to enjoy it, you just have to 'go'... think of it as 'practice'...
Do you have any hobbies or interests where you could meet people through clubs or organisations etc?

And yeah, you work: that's way more than many people on this site!!

Maybe it can feel like 'nothing', but actually you accomplished quite a lot. Give yourself credit and maybe rest a little... (Holidays can be stressful too... even for families/couples or people who go with friends etc.)

As for 'sleeping under a bridge' - my dad is way worried about this one for us kids too... I'm sure you'll think of something though!! And in the summer, under a bridge could be nicely cool and cozy too?? Or camp on someone's property? Or 'squat' - there's lots of unused real estate out there... (Or even build a 'cabin in the woods, cheap-wise... Someone built an 'eco house' for about 1.000 EUR-?? with reused/recycled materials etc.)

Maybe check what is available for homeless people where you live? There are probably organizations that can help... And maybe you could even volunteer there and meet some people and see what it's like?

 

[Nanita]

Sometimes I go to something with people, because I want to give it a chance, or sometimes because I feel that I should go... Many times I have just been sitting there, not saying anything, feeling so alone and sad. The worst is when I´m trapped, like in a class room where I´m expected to speak, or seated at a table, having dinner with people, being asked questions about myself.
I stopped going to most of those things, because I can not take it anymore. I´d rather be alone, or only go to activities where I´m almost sure that I won´t be "put on the spot" or get trapped.. I need my freedom to wander off.

I have also travelled alone. I went to a tropical part of the world for 3 months.... Some of the time I was at schools or retreats, learning language and taking yoga classes, and I did meet some people those places, and even travelled with some of those people. Other times I was travelling alone, and many nights I sat in restaurants, eating alone, noticing other people and their social life ...
I like doing things alone.. but it can get lonely if it´s for too long.

 

[panicsurvivor]

Before I post any advice, I would like to ask a few questions.
1. Are you on meds?
2. What do you do for a living?
3. What are your hobbies?

 

[Kiwong]

Recluse, sorry to hear things haven't been going so great for you. All I can say is hang in there.

People at my work talk about their parties and social occassions too. It's overrated, I know what they do is not so great. I'm not missing out.

 

[Srijita52]

I totally understand what you're going through.Its the same with me.Sometimes I feel really lonely&depressed& like nothings working out. But maybe you're being too hard on yourself.Going to a vacation all alone was a very brave thing to do.You should give yourself credit for that.You should try having lunch with your co-workers,I know it can be depressing bt sometimes you just gotta do something because its necessary for you.Also take an initiative to engage yourself to conversations,its hard at first bt gets better with practice.Usually the hardest thing is starting a new routine & pull yourself from the rut.If you're really depressed right now you might not see any point in trying.Bt seriously,sometimes attending a half attempt may also be progressive.Give yourself time,its okay to occasionally take a break,don't beat yourself too much.Join a club or organisation with similar interest,it'll make interacting with ppl a little bit easier,think every social encounter as a chance to 'practice'.Let loose sometimes if you want..,give yourself small prizes for your attempts.Its still going to be hard though,afterall learning a new thing isn't easy.
Sorry if its too long LOL.

 

[Paahi]

Im sorry you are feeling this way recluse.
I can relate to the detached feeling.
Just keep going and im sure you will get through this, you've come so far!

 

[recluse]

Before I post any advice, I would like to ask a few questions.
1. Are you on meds?
2. What do you do for a living?
3. What are your hobbies?

1) Used to be but came off them a year and half ago
2) I'm a security guard
3) Shooting, karate, cycling, keeping fit, music, films, playing guitar, wood crafting, reading.

I must say that i don't find much enjoyment in these hobbies anymore.

 

[recluse]

I totally understand what you're going through.Its the same with me.Sometimes I feel really lonely&depressed& like nothings working out. But maybe you're being too hard on yourself.Going to a vacation all alone was a very brave thing to do.You should give yourself credit for that.You should try having lunch with your co-workers,I know it can be depressing bt sometimes you just gotta do something because its necessary for you.Also take an initiative to engage yourself to conversations,its hard at first bt gets better with practice.Usually the hardest thing is starting a new routine & pull yourself from the rut.If you're really depressed right now you might not see any point in trying.Bt seriously,sometimes attending a half attempt may also be progressive.Give yourself time,its okay to occasionally take a break,don't beat yourself too much.Join a club or organisation with similar interest,it'll make interacting with ppl a little bit easier,think every social encounter as a chance to 'practice'.Let loose sometimes if you want..,give yourself small prizes for your attempts.Its still going to be hard though,afterall learning a new thing isn't easy.
Sorry if its too long LOL.

I do start conversations with people but most of the time i have no clue how to start and how to maintain them, like most of the time even with my family it's just ''It's a nice day today!'' and then i won't have a clue what to say. I then start to sink into my own thoughts thus i feel disconnected from people. I find myself racking my brains for things to say which makes me feel worse and i end up being more blank. All my life i've had people commenting on how i never talk much and it's unfair to judge me this way. Like in college a girl said ''you have no clue how to talk to people...Like you don't know what to say!'' things like this makes me shy away from people more.

I'm so envious of people who can keep a flowing conversation going...People who are enteraining to be with without much effort...I feel dry and often humourless although i do have my rare extrovert moment.

 

[recluse]

hey r,

you're totally BRAVE to have gone on vacation - at least you know now that that particular spot is not particularly good choice for single solo people!! (I've been to a few seaside resorts that were kinda awful choice even with friends too!! Don't wanna go to the seaside anymore lol!!)

having vacations on your own (or even with single friends) can suck (if you're in location with too many happy couples and familes!! or teenage 'gangs' yikes)

Where were you? Sea/mountains/spa/...? Maybe some organized program or course would be better? (eg they have yoga retreats or such...)

You're brave to go with co-workers... It probably depends where you work: some people 'click' with co-wokers, some don't... You don't have to enjoy it, you just have to 'go'... think of it as 'practice'...
Do you have any hobbies or interests where you could meet people through clubs or organisations etc?

And yeah, you work: that's way more than many people on this site!!

Maybe it can feel like 'nothing', but actually you accomplished quite a lot. Give yourself credit and maybe rest a little... (Holidays can be stressful too... even for families/couples or people who go with friends etc.)

As for 'sleeping under a bridge' - my dad is way worried about this one for us kids too... I'm sure you'll think of something though!! And in the summer, under a bridge could be nicely cool and cozy too?? Or camp on someone's property? Or 'squat' - there's lots of unused real estate out there... (Or even build a 'cabin in the woods, cheap-wise... Someone built an 'eco house' for about 1.000 EUR-?? with reused/recycled materials etc.)

Maybe check what is available for homeless people where you live? There are probably organizations that can help... And maybe you could even volunteer there and meet some people and see what it's like?

I am a member of a gun club and karate class, but i never seem to feel close to anyone it just feels i have this bubble around me.

I'm not homeless as i live with my parents it's just something i worry about, like if my mental illness gets so bad i won't be able to work and look after myself.

 

[Srijita52]

This might be the ammunition you are looking for:

Conversation techniques

Hope there's something here that's useful to you.

There's some nice tips in here bt so far as I've seen I tend to forget most of the tips when facing a real situation or don't get a chance to apply them,does anyone have similar experience?

 

[Srijita52]

Agreed, what I like to do is practice different scenarios and I while back I built a model for branching topics etc. It takes a bit of work to makes these tips useful. It's not just about reading something and regurgitating them, like a social band-aid, but literally changing how you think about communicating. or a lot of people poor communication skills are ingrained very deeply, so what they get out of sites like the one I posted, or books and the like, depends quite heavily on the work they put in.

You're right,i guess it takes more time & practice to master these tips even though we know them intellectually. thats what I'm gonna work on now.