Attempting to date without having school, a job, or a social life.

[Social_Monstrosity]

Is it possible you think?

 

[missjesss]

hmmm, thats a tough one why do you not have a job ? just bcoz of s a sounds to me as tho ur letting it rule ur life thats no good u gotta force urself out there!!

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

I ask myself why I don't have a job every day.

It's still pretty difficult to obtain one in my area but that's not really an excuse. I guess you are correct. It is controlling my life and I'm terrified of ****ing up a job, especially if it requires a lot of socializing.

 

[3lefts]

I ask myself why I don't have a job every day.

It's still pretty difficult to obtain one in my area but that's not really an excuse. I guess you are correct. It is controlling my life and I'm terrified of ****ing up a job, especially if it requires a lot of socializing.

Agreeeeed. I have to get a job because I have to pay rent when I move out and I have to move out. It's terrifying me! I went in for an interview today and my heart was racing and my stomach hurt.. now I'm terrified to get the job because the last time I had one I dreaded it like there was no tomorrow, and I don't want it to be like that again... yikes this is all besides the point!
Yes I think it's possible but I mean, you're going to have to be more social anyway to make it happen right?
And is that Edd or Ed, or even Eddy in your picture?

 

[missjesss]

ok well what you have to do is look for a job that doesnt really require much socializing im sure there are ppl who can help you get work with your condition.. i am lucky to have my job its sitting at a computer working for a dating site (very easy and no stress) but I want to move forward and get out there if not go back to study... do you get out of the house at all and do you live alone?

 

[missjesss]

are you guys on medication for this? I just started back on my lexapro i had been off it for 6 months but I ended it with my current partner and my s a was starting to creep back :-( I also find living alone does not help...

 

[agoraphobickatie]

mannn, i'm having a hard time looking for a job.. i haven't had a job in about a year and a half (since my extreme anxiety/agoraphobia came out of nowhere), but now i seem to be getting stronger/better/etc etc so it's time to go out looking for a job.. but it sucks because i'm a really crappy employee when i don't like my job, and i have to find somewhere that i'll feel "comfortable" now, too... so that removes the food industry and retail because i hate both, lol, and most jobs that would involve a male boss/co-worker (i have no idea, i just feel more comfortable with older women, lol.. i guess it's the 'mom' they have in them, lmao) ...so yeah, i don't have SA, just anxiety, and i feel you on the job thing..

...none of that had anything to do with your question, sorry....... i don't have a job or go to school.. i still date around a bit. i don't know how? random people will find me on facebook (because we have a ton of friends in common or something) and we'll get to talking and then maybe hang out if i have the courage or if i want to.. usually i end up not really liking the person and ignoring their calls after that, lol =/ ..soooo, i dunno, i guess through facebook booty calls? lmao.. kidding.. most of my recent 'hook ups' have just been with guys from my past since i haven't met anyone new.. and no, 'hook up' doesn't mean sex, i just mean hanging out/dates/etc...

blahhhhhhh.. i'm sorry, this post was completely useless, lol

 

[Richey]

All depends on how superficial you are.

personally i think its insane to base a judgement on someone if they are unemployed or not going to school. if you like someone then that is surely enough. i have a full time job and have some friends who have a cozy life, they aretrying though. i dont even think twice about it. and to be fair most people are very immersed in themselves enough to be placing judgement upon others. in reality we should be helping each other and giving and encouraging.

if the person in question is a complete lost cause who doesnt even want to lift a finger then that would be annoying. but perhaps they need a bit of help or perspective, enlightenment into their potential.

i think some people just need a happy kick to get their lives back into gear.

 

[Falkor]

just bcoz of s a sounds to me as tho ur letting it rule ur life thats no good u gotta force urself out there!!

Well said. I'm also trying to not let SA rule my life , I'm not having a job and school right now either But i will try my best to get it back.

But it is possible to date with people without having school or a job, because.. I also do that, I explain my situation , and it'll be fine (most of the times)

But it's better for u to take steps into a social life again.

I know its hard, but its better .. like missjesss said

 

[Falkor]

All depends on how superficial you are.

personally i think its insane to base a judgement on someone if they are unemployed or not going to school. if you like someone then that is surely enough.

Yeah people should not judge us, on our situation. We can't help it, but we have to take steps (that's better) but.. still. It sounds cooler to talk about your study and job , because everyone talks about that. but u can also talk about your interests and stuff. But still it's good to take steps towards a job or going back to school. Because you are also doing something , and u interact with people everyday , so u can also learn to cope with sa.
Being at home is not the way, it makes sa much worse.
I learned from that, and I'm already trying to get back into work and school.
It's hard, and super scary, but it's better for you. believe me.

X

 

[mads]

I think you should start in the slow. Maybe it would be too much to start with dating already. I think you should try to be better at socializing before you start dating because you will risk that if you should get a defeat, then it could have a huge negative affect on you. I am not saying you shouldnt try to date. That is a great idea and I hope it will be succesful for you, but I think it would be better if you got better at socializing first, because then it would be much easier for you to date.

 

[Feathers]

Mads has a great point.
Also just meeting people may inspire you to do more..

I just read this online yesterday: How to date when you’re broke and jobless | Love in the Dumps
(It's my new favorite dating site Okay, it's a satire & irony site, but still!! )
Not sure how honest it is though?? I don't think I'd want to pull this off..
I did state on my online profile something like what I'm currently doing is interesting but not money-profitable, but may be in the future.. and still got some replies (haven't clicked with anyone there yet though..)

If you're honest with it, it may be easier to talk about freelancing/volunteer projects you're involved with (you don't really need to tell how much money you've made with it initially, though it seems like an honest thing to do)...
It may also be easier for women, though some guys on PoF seem pretty upfront about it too, not sure what kind of response they got though..

There was also talk on several sites online about this or similar (being in a relationship with someone who is not working etc) - it seems if the person is trying, sending applications, doing things, some people were okay with dating them or being in a relationship with them..

Just dating and a 'real' relationship may be different things though..
I think it's easier to 'just date' without thought for future without a job, whereas at least where I live it seems many 'regular' guys interested in long-term might be more interested in a girl with a job..
(Some don't seem to mind, I'm still unsure if it's wise to date such guys or would they expect too much in other ways then? I've heard some bad experiences from women who just trusted their men to 'provide' financially.. So ideally everyone would have some means of moneymaking, not need to be a real 'job', some income is good though..)

Otherwise, there are considerations - how would the two of you live together, what if the girl gets pregnant etc? Or would you trust yourself to be strictly platonic? There are some cool moms on welfare, single or not single.. And some people date anyway.. I don't think it's good to be a statistic though...

WOW, MissJess, you work for a dating site!! So lucky!!
Do you just work online or in RL too? (And what do you do?)

 

[spect01]

Women will judge and stereotype you out like there's no tomorrow. Don't bother. Waste of time. If only women weren't so harsh and picky towards men. Men need to be college educated and have a certain job that makes a certain amount of money or they deem you "non LTR material". The Women here and in the real world don't have a problem finding dates even if they are broke and poor because they are women. They don't need any of that stuff because any guy will take them. But it's huge turn off for a man.

Bring back the days when a relationship was with the person for who they were, not their wallets and all this other superficial stuff.

 

[Feathers]

Women will judge and stereotype you out like there's no tomorrow. Don't bother. Waste of time.

If only women weren't so harsh and picky towards men.

Okay, I've had it!
Stranger25, do you know the first time I saw your photos in the photo thread, I was like, 'WOW, we have such handsome guys on this board!!'

And then you started with your negative attitude.. It seems downright hostile to women sometimes...!!

I just didn't know what to say many times before, and I still don't really know what to say now.. Where did you find all that info on how women really 'are'? From sisters, cousins, neighbours' kids, kids at school, family, classmates or co-workers? Or TV and Cosmo, or Oprah? Where?

And which women are those? (Age matters!) Also economical status and education and even location can matter too..

I'm sorry if you had bad experience with women - maybe in your immediate family or close surroundings - but not all women are like that!!

Please know there are women out there who are just normal human beings... Some have been greatly dissapointed themselves, and yes, some have become cynical in the process too, but not all..

Yes, many or most women would like the man to at least earn his way/have enough money for himself.. Ideally more.. But not all women are 'golddiggers'!
I know a friend who supported her hubby through his times of uneployment or starting up a biz together too..

Another girl I know was a student, very beautiful, and her man was both totally physically 'unattractive' (by general standards), shorter than her and unemployed/not studying - so, hm? She said he stood by her in harsh times and supported her a lot and was wonderful to her (I think he cooked well too maybe )

Some women are okay if they work and the man takes care of kids/the house.. (if he doesn't just sit around and drink or play video games, ideally..)

Many couples find themselves in the situation where one or the other currently may not have a job.. The important thing is the attitude and how they are able to cope with such things..

Please don't just stereotype.. There are different people out there and you don't need a ton, just one (or a few to get to know first and decide more easily..)

 

[spect01]

It's different in America. In america women have what's called "standards".

The most important thing women look for in men:

College/Uni education
Good paying Job
Car
Lives in his own apartment

They expect you to have all of this stuff by the age of 20-23. If you don't, you aren't allowed to date. You are not "long term relationship" material. You might find some girl who is physically attracted to you and doesn't care if you have money or not but don't hold your breath. Then there's social skills and social life. If you have none you're going it's going to be so embarassing and you're going to get rejected.

Wether I am good looking or not, or ANY guy is, looks alone won't get a girlfriend.....

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

It's different in America. In america women have what's called "standards".

The most important thing women look for in men:

College/Uni education
Good paying Job
Car
Lives in his own apartment

They expect you to have all of this stuff by the age of 20-23. If you don't, you aren't allowed to date. You are not "long term relationship" material. You might find some girl who is physically attracted to you and doesn't care if you have money or not but don't hold your breath. Then there's social skills and social life. If you have none you're going it's going to be so embarassing and you're going to get rejected.

Wether I am good looking or not, or ANY guy is, looks alone won't get a girlfriend.....

I'm fairly sure that women not in America have standards too.

You are stereotyping, stranger. Not every woman will require you to be a financial success. It helps, sure.

Are you thinking of online dating problems? If all someone has to go on are a few bits of information like employment status, that's going to hurt you worse than if she had a chance to get to know you.

It doesn't mean that women in general are more shallow than men. It doesn't mean that women have it easier. And in any event, I can assure you with 100% certainty that getting bitter at the whole gender will not help you get a date.

Bring back the days when a relationship was with the person for who they were, not their wallets and all this other superficial stuff.

What days were those, exactly? Was it before or after arranged marriages? Were people still required to pay a dowry?

 

[Feathers]

It's different in America. In america women have what's called "standards".

Oh, and women outside America don't have 'standards'?
Do you realize how offensive what you just wrote is?

The most important thing women look for in men:

College/Uni education
Good paying Job
Car
Lives in his own apartment

Well, are you working on any or all of those things?

They expect you to have all of this stuff by the age of 20-23. If you don't, you aren't allowed to date.

Well, sorry, but I read a book about men who DIDN'T have any or all of that, and still dated! A lot. And it's an American book by an American author (!)

You are not "long term relationship" material.

Well, this may be true in many cases.. again, I would say there are always exceptions too.. (Still, it doesn't stop you from dating and the question in the 1st place was dating.. and possibly just getting some experience to go out there and talk to someone.. It might even motivate a person to go work, who knows?)

You might find some girl who is physically attracted to you and doesn't care if you have money or not but don't hold your breath.

Well, you might even find a girl who is spiritually or emotionally attracted to you.. I agree about 'don't hold your breath' though.. It's best to not expect much and then be pleasantly surprised, if it happens...

Then there's social skills and social life.

You can work on those too. What steps are you taking to improve the situation?
Social skills - yup, those are very important. If you do get lucky and find a girl, you'll need to communicate in real life and that is very important...
(There are people who get by with poor social skills on looks or such alone, even rich and handsome people get divorced though, and usually for a reason...)
Social life - not so essential, there's a thread about it, people have mixed opinions about this.. Some would even prefer someone who doesn't have too many people around all the time..
Though some social interaction is good as you can learn social skills through that etc.

If you have none you're going it's going to be so embarassing and you're going to get rejected.

Well, I think some people also get married or knocked up first, and then end up rejected and disappointed.. Even if they have jobs and friends and all.. With the number of divorces and all, there is a possibility to get rejected at one point or the other, but if you never go for it, you never know..

Wether I am good looking or not, or ANY guy is, looks alone won't get a girlfriend.....

Yup, totally agree on that one
Of course that's also good news for the not-so-great-looking guys (!)

 

[Kato]

I'm fairly sure that women not in America have standards too.



It doesn't mean that women in general are more shallow than men.


What days were those, exactly? Was it before or after arranged marriages? Were people still required to pay a dowry?

Where are these women who have no standards?
I think many a man would like to know.

Those were the days before arranged marriages. Yes people were still required to pay a dowry. Usually a goat or something...

 

[Feathers]

Where are these women who have no standards?
I think many a man would like to know.

Probably in your nearest bar, dead drunk... (Beware, they may give you stds and such though...) after certain hours can be good for that, I hear?

Those were the days before arranged marriages. Yes people were still required to pay a dowry. Usually a goat or something...

Just one goat? That's cheap then.. In African villages you may need 30+ goats and in Egypt at least 2 camels (or 200?) Depends how blond do you want her to be??

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Where are these women who have no standards?

That, sir, is an excellent question! ::

I'll bet if I wrote a book titled 'How to find women with no standards' I could make a lot of money!