Desperate Guys vs Girls
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Loudog
Well-known member
It's because it's like looking in a mirror. I look at them and think is that how I act. There was this one girl a I worked with who was in love with me, all she did was mope around all day and feel sorry for herself. It actually made me feel worse about myself. I thought no wonder no one wants to sit by me. If we're both lonely and miserable, we're still gonna be lonely and miserable together.
Felgen
Well-known member
Because neediness is a sign of helplessness; men don't want helpless women--women don't want helpless men. Also, desperation is a signal that the person is willing to settle for anything, it doesn't validate or approve of the other person.
Loudog
Well-known member
I wish I knew the answer to that question, because girls like guys with confidence. it doesn't matter how good looking you are.
Ritta
Well-known member
I would say that it's really bad to depend on someone too much. Then you become needy and desperate which usually drives anyone away. I'll give you an example:
When someone is needy, one turns insecure. You start feeling like you're not good enough and that if the other person is not with you 24/7, then they must be with someone else. Then it can get very ugly. Spying, checking their cell phone, their computer, following them around.
To avoid this, first we need to work on ourselves. Self confidence and self-esteem. This doesn't mean that you have to be completely self confident, just enough so that it doesn't cause any problems in the relationship and you're able to trust your partner.
Hope this helps. I'm working on this myself. It's hard work :
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When someone is needy, one turns insecure. You start feeling like you're not good enough and that if the other person is not with you 24/7, then they must be with someone else. Then it can get very ugly. Spying, checking their cell phone, their computer, following them around.
To avoid this, first we need to work on ourselves. Self confidence and self-esteem. This doesn't mean that you have to be completely self confident, just enough so that it doesn't cause any problems in the relationship and you're able to trust your partner.
Hope this helps. I'm working on this myself. It's hard work :
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Uber Schnitzel
Well-known member
"Love you for what I am not; do not want what I have got"
I don't think I could be with someone who was self-confessed desperate, for the same reasons given elsewhere but especially for the fact that it would always be in the back of my mind that they're just settling for me cos they can't/don't think they can do better. That situation is no good for anyone.
No idea how to stop being desperate that question is a big one.
I'm so pleased that so far this thread has remained civil. Whenever there's a "girls vs boys" thread it usually isn't long before it descends into chaos
worrywort
Well-known member
I'm a desperate guy and I LOVE desperate girls! ::
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to or not, but I've always felt way more of an attraction to those sad girls who are bundles of insecurities and weaknesses....I think cause I feel like I can relax around girls like that....like we don't have to hide all our crap, cause we're both as messed up as each other!....plus the whole protective instinct kicks in too I think, which I like.
Plus the messed up girls are always the more honest, humble ones. Girls who claim they aren't messed up just haven't realised it yet!
:I'm not sure if I'm supposed to or not, but I've always felt way more of an attraction to those sad girls who are bundles of insecurities and weaknesses....I think cause I feel like I can relax around girls like that....like we don't have to hide all our crap, cause we're both as messed up as each other!....plus the whole protective instinct kicks in too I think, which I like.
Plus the messed up girls are always the more honest, humble ones. Girls who claim they aren't messed up just haven't realised it yet!
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Probably the hard way, maybe with some help of CBT in the beginning. But you get over neediness with taking action. Doing something again and again makes you confident in that particular field.
AntonioJohn
Member
Absolutely true!!!!
Avery
Well-known member
I'm a desperate guy and I LOVE desperate girls! :
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to or not, but I've always felt way more of an attraction to those sad girls who are bundles of insecurities and weaknesses....I think cause I feel like I can relax around girls like that....like we don't have to hide all our crap, cause we're both as messed up as each other!....plus the whole protective instinct kicks in too I think, which I like.
^ Agreed.
Vulnerability is endearing. It's honest. In a world so superficial and fickle that 'faking confidence' is a valid method for attracting the opposite sex, vulnerability is refreshingly human.
spect01
Well-known member
I would never do such a thing.
hippiechild
Well-known member
I don't know.. I can't say that I've met any that were so expressly desperate as the guys on here, but I doubt that I would treat them any differently than anyone else, which, of course, is the problem.
Tiercel
Well-known member
Despite constant loneliness and occasional desperation, I back off from girls, women, and females in general. I do so because every time I try to get close to one I end up chasing them off. And in my highly self-critical frame of mind, the obvious reason they run, scurry, and slink away is me.
Not that I'm that terrible, mind you. I've just been far too hard on myself for far too long, and it's a rather nasty habit to break. And that whole fear of not being good enough keeps me from even trying.
SilentStranger
Well-known member
I'm a desperate guy and I LOVE desperate girls! :
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to or not, but I've always felt way more of an attraction to those sad girls who are bundles of insecurities and weaknesses....I think cause I feel like I can relax around girls like that....like we don't have to hide all our crap, cause we're both as messed up as each other!....plus the whole protective instinct kicks in too I think, which I like.
Ditto. I don't know if its good or bad. Anyway its irrelevant even desperate girls don't talk to me.
Whoa. You have your own domain dedicated to your handle here?
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worrywort
Well-known member
haha! well it's not really dedicated to my username.....although that would be cool!
...the website and the name I started using years ago....then I found this website and carried the name over!.....slightly less cool! 
tooshytosay
Well-known member
I would love to be with a desperate girl. That 'desperation' will 'unite' us together, we'll need eachother more, we'll value being with eachother more. To me there couldn't be anything better than a desperate guy and desperate girl being together .
Because I am getting rather sick of all that 'you-are-you I-am-myself' let's keep it nice and 'squeaky-clean' model of 'relationships'. You know, viewing relationships as just a 'luxury' that successful people with superb self-confidence and self-esteem have. To me that kind of goes against the point of having relationships in the first place.
.Because I am getting rather sick of all that 'you-are-you I-am-myself' let's keep it nice and 'squeaky-clean' model of 'relationships'. You know, viewing relationships as just a 'luxury' that successful people with superb self-confidence and self-esteem have. To me that kind of goes against the point of having relationships in the first place.
I never knew there were despo guys who liked despo girls. There's hope for me yet!
But seriously how do you go about getting over the gnawing feeling that you're not good enough for someone else; that if you found someone it's only because they're lonely and as soon as they find the person they really want, they'll leave you?
But seriously how do you go about getting over the gnawing feeling that you're not good enough for someone else; that if you found someone it's only because they're lonely and as soon as they find the person they really want, they'll leave you?
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coyote
Well-known member
Or you don't get over it, and you end up driving them away.
A prophecy self-fulfilled.
At least, that's how it seems to have happened for me before.