Desperate Guys vs Girls

[davidecl]

Despite constant loneliness and occasional desperation, I back off from girls, women, and females in general. I do so because every time I try to get close to one I end up chasing them off. And in my highly self-critical frame of mind, the obvious reason they run, scurry, and slink away is me.

Not that I'm that terrible, mind you. I've just been far too hard on myself for far too long, and it's a rather nasty habit to break. And that whole fear of not being good enough keeps me from even trying.

Lol, i can relate almost exactly, everytime someone shows interest i try initially and then when they start getting more comfortable around me I start freaking out and find something wrong with them, I don't think it was really a feeling of unworthiness, i always rationalized that I was better than them, i think its a fear of being close to someone.

For some reason what you said reminded me of a quote from "Brave New World" if anyone out there reads those kind of books: "He [the savage] was obscurely terrified lest she should cease to be something he could feel himself unworthy of."

 

[blushy]

I wish I knew the answer to that question, because girls like guys with confidence. it doesn't matter how good looking you are.

There is a lid for every pot my friend. The guy with the lowest self esteem in the world will eventually find someone, if he goes out there and shows his face to the world.

 

[guessed]

Ok, so this seems to be a common issue with both guys and girls, but how do we go about changing it?

People say love yourself, be your best friend, have self respect, but nobody really tells you how to go about doing it. there must be something or someone out there that knows.

I'm not asking for affirmation quick fixes, I'm asking about real, down to earth guidelines a person can use daily to actively work on building self esteem again.

 

[Waybuloo]

Ok, so this seems to be a common issue with both guys and girls, but how do we go about changing it?

People say love yourself, be your best friend, have self respect, but nobody really tells you how to go about doing it. there must be something or someone out there that knows.

I'm not asking for affirmation quick fixes, I'm asking about real, down to earth guidelines a person can use daily to actively work on building self esteem again.

To truely love and respect yourself is very difficult becuase that comes from being loved and nurtured unconditionally by your parents from an early age, it is a foundation built and grown over time. The most practical way to cheat and create self respect and love is to find something you are good at or really love doing, develop your expertise and own it - that gives you a sense of purpose and self worth. That or develop an interest in people and your interpersonal skills, and get a self confidence from building relationships with people.

 

[Felgen]

There is a lid for every pot my friend. The guy with the lowest self esteem in the world will eventually find someone, if he goes out there and shows his face to the world.

Actually, there's 1,05 young pots for every young lid. Furthermore, many married pots whore around with many young lids (who are completely unaware of the fact that the pot is married), thus making the demand for lids even higher amoung the pots. Shortly summarized: 10% of all the single pots get 80% of all the single lids.

Eventually, the pots kill themselves, fall victims to crime, die in traffic accidents and so on, which means that there aren't enough pots to fit all the lids over 50.

 

[guessed]

thanks for the good advice, Chihiro

 

[hidwell]

I'm a desperate guy and I LOVE desperate girls! ::

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to or not, but I've always felt way more of an attraction to those sad girls who are bundles of insecurities and weaknesses....I think cause I feel like I can relax around girls like that....like we don't have to hide all our crap, cause we're both as messed up as each other!....plus the whole protective instinct kicks in too I think, which I like.

Plus the messed up girls are always the more honest, humble ones. Girls who claim they aren't messed up just haven't realised it yet!

I agree with you totally, well put

 

[THeCARS1979]

I would say that it's really bad to depend on someone too much. Then you become needy and desperate which usually drives anyone away. I'll give you an example:

When someone is needy, one turns insecure. You start feeling like you're not good enough and that if the other person is not with you 24/7, then they must be with someone else. Then it can get very ugly. Spying, checking their cell phone, their computer, following them around.

To avoid this, first we need to work on ourselves. Self confidence and self-esteem. This doesn't mean that you have to be completely self confident, just enough so that it doesn't cause any problems in the relationship and you're able to trust your partner.

Hope this helps. I'm working on this myself. It's hard work ::

thanks, it is to much work

 

[1BlackSheep]

Actually, there's 1,05 young pots for every young lid. Furthermore, many married pots whore around with many young lids (who are completely unaware of the fact that the pot is married), thus making the demand for lids even higher amoung the pots. Shortly summarized: 10% of all the single pots get 80% of all the single lids.

Eventually, the pots kill themselves, fall victims to crime, die in traffic accidents and so on, which means that there aren't enough pots to fit all the lids over 50.

Lol, Felgen! I'm not sure if this makes me a pot or a lid though!

 

[recluse]

A girl told me that we could not have a relationship because ''we are too alike''

 

[Fighter86]

I personally wouldn't mind lonely guys. In fact I actually prefer them. Try going out with an outgoing person, and you would realise you aren't that important to them afterall because they have friends they want to spend time with as well.

 

[Lexington]

Because neediness is a sign of helplessness; men don't want helpless women--women don't want helpless men. Also, desperation is a signal that the person is willing to settle for anything, it doesn't validate or approve of the other person.

Who me..desperate?
Who me..settle for anyone..?

yes.

 

[Lexington]

I personally wouldn't mind lonely guys. In fact I actually prefer them. Try going out with an outgoing person, and you would realise you aren't that important to them afterall because they have friends they want to spend time with as well.

Yeah I agree.
One problem I see, is that some people choose a "less powerful" partner...eg. overweight...so they have some leverage over that person..to create a situation where they can control and even abuse them. This is sad in my view.

 

[OceanMist]

I don't know if I've come across many women who were desperate. Back when I was in junior high a couple girls were desperate, one of them that I never talked to before was obviously desperate because she had nobody to go to the dance to so asked me at the last second. It was a cry of please don't let me not have a date for this.

Those women didn't really bother me. I don't consider myself desperate, but I am the type of person that likes any positive attention, especially from women. I guess if a desperate woman tried to get with me, if I was single and attracted to her somewhat, I'd probably go out with her. I'm pretty open to women considering I wasn't dating women for 6 years before the last few months.

 

[sullyS25]

I don't know when I am with a girl that doesn't talk much and I don't talk much....it just ends up awkward....although I am attracted to some shy girls sometimes haha

 

[twiggle]

I wouldn't really mind going out with a 'desperate' guy if we clicked enough. As long as you have that connection, then nothing else should matter. I would have no problem dating a guy with S.A and in past experiences have actually preferred dating guys who are a bit more reserved.

But I'm not so keen on the idea of dating somebody who I think would take any girl they could, or who only wants to date me predominantly because they just want to be in a relationship with someone, anyone! To me, that is a false foundation for a relationship.

The next time I have a relationship I'd prefer it to be one that has come from friendship, first. That said I find it hard to be friends with guys. I wish I didn't, but just lately a few new guys that I've met irl have, after only meeting me once, text me inviting me on a date and I just get the feeling they're not interested in plain ol' friendship. And that makes it awkward and even comes off a little desperate from them, that they'd want to date me after meeting me just once and knowing extremely little about me. Because then I feel as though they're not interested in who I am at all, they just want a girlfriend.

(I've gone off track)