SickCycleCarousel
Well-known member
is my bully. He makes fun of me for being overweight (though he, himself, is overweight).
It started when I was twelve. he was constantly in my face with "you're fat" and "since you're fat no boy will ever like you".
I would mention that I was upset and the first thing he'd tell me was to lose weight. His answer to everything. It's his cure-all. Lose weight and your problems will go away. Sigh.
My mom told me once that his father used to bully my aunt around like that, too. It got so bad for her she started eating in closets. She weighs probably 500-600 pounds now. When I think about myself I think I'm exactly like her. (I don't know how much I weigh but I wear a size 24 jeans).
I don't eat a lot. Most days all I will have is a sandwich or whatever my mom or brother makes for dinner. But I don't get out (being agoraphobic and all). I know I can exercise in the house but being depressed I don't have the energy.
Lately I have been waiting until he leaves to go downstairs and get something. Or I wait until he's gone to bed. He sits on the couch and watches me walk by and I can just hear him thinking "Oh there goes Fat Kalie, eating again!" (His pet name for his sister is Fat Dolly, so if he sees me as his sister I guess Fat Kalie is befitting for me, too).
Just recently I went downstairs...it was probably a little after 9pm and I hadn't eaten all day so I went to the kitchen to get a light snack. My dad hears the fridge door open and he immediately rushes into the kitchen. I told him I was just getting some olives and pickles and is it such a crime? He tells me I'm too fat and I shouldn't be eating. I told him to go screw himself and went upstairs. Ten minutes later he's yelling at me that I need to stop eating and I'm getting soooo fat that he can't even walk past me in a hall. (Two thin people wouldn't have an easy time passing each other in the halls in my house, so I don't know where he gets off).
The next day he acts like nothing happened (guess I should mention he was drunk)...I ignore him and he asks what he did wrong. I told him he knows full well what he did but he sits there stupidly.
I ignore him a lot. He'll say hi to me but I can't bring myself to say hi back. It hurts so bad. That man has made me hate myself. He's made me ashamed of myself. He's made me ashamed to eat. He's made me so ashamed of myself that when I like a guy...instead of feeling giddy and excited over a potential boyfriend I have to feel like crap. I talk myself out of liking them.
I met this great guy on World of Warcraft last October. We talk every day and he tells me I'm gorgeous and he says he loves me. Every day...he never fails to complement me in some way. I love him...but I don't quite trust his love for me...I don't even feel like I'm good enough for someone who lives in another country.
This is getting really long, I know, but there's just so much that that man has said to me over the years and I am just so hurt.
I have his nose and I cannot even look at myself in the mirror without seeing my nose and knowing whose it looks like. I HATE my nose, it's huge and ugly and I cannot even think or believe that I am pretty.
I hate my father. I haven't told him these things...but I don't know if I can...I despise talking to him so much.
All I can ever think about is how fat I am. How ugly I am. And how I'm going to be alone my entire life because I'm not good enough for anyone.
This is my first real post by the way. This has been nagging at me for a couple days, so I thought I'd write it out and get it off my chest.
Also, he saw my cousin (his niece) a few days ago after not seeing for almost a year and the only thing he had to say about her was that she had gained a lot of weight. He actually said "You should see how fat Alena has gotten!" It really pisses me off that he's so fixated on how people look. Makes me hate him even more.
It started when I was twelve. he was constantly in my face with "you're fat" and "since you're fat no boy will ever like you".
I would mention that I was upset and the first thing he'd tell me was to lose weight. His answer to everything. It's his cure-all. Lose weight and your problems will go away. Sigh.
My mom told me once that his father used to bully my aunt around like that, too. It got so bad for her she started eating in closets. She weighs probably 500-600 pounds now. When I think about myself I think I'm exactly like her. (I don't know how much I weigh but I wear a size 24 jeans).
I don't eat a lot. Most days all I will have is a sandwich or whatever my mom or brother makes for dinner. But I don't get out (being agoraphobic and all). I know I can exercise in the house but being depressed I don't have the energy.
Lately I have been waiting until he leaves to go downstairs and get something. Or I wait until he's gone to bed. He sits on the couch and watches me walk by and I can just hear him thinking "Oh there goes Fat Kalie, eating again!" (His pet name for his sister is Fat Dolly, so if he sees me as his sister I guess Fat Kalie is befitting for me, too).
Just recently I went downstairs...it was probably a little after 9pm and I hadn't eaten all day so I went to the kitchen to get a light snack. My dad hears the fridge door open and he immediately rushes into the kitchen. I told him I was just getting some olives and pickles and is it such a crime? He tells me I'm too fat and I shouldn't be eating. I told him to go screw himself and went upstairs. Ten minutes later he's yelling at me that I need to stop eating and I'm getting soooo fat that he can't even walk past me in a hall. (Two thin people wouldn't have an easy time passing each other in the halls in my house, so I don't know where he gets off).
The next day he acts like nothing happened (guess I should mention he was drunk)...I ignore him and he asks what he did wrong. I told him he knows full well what he did but he sits there stupidly.
I ignore him a lot. He'll say hi to me but I can't bring myself to say hi back. It hurts so bad. That man has made me hate myself. He's made me ashamed of myself. He's made me ashamed to eat. He's made me so ashamed of myself that when I like a guy...instead of feeling giddy and excited over a potential boyfriend I have to feel like crap. I talk myself out of liking them.
I met this great guy on World of Warcraft last October. We talk every day and he tells me I'm gorgeous and he says he loves me. Every day...he never fails to complement me in some way. I love him...but I don't quite trust his love for me...I don't even feel like I'm good enough for someone who lives in another country.
This is getting really long, I know, but there's just so much that that man has said to me over the years and I am just so hurt.
I have his nose and I cannot even look at myself in the mirror without seeing my nose and knowing whose it looks like. I HATE my nose, it's huge and ugly and I cannot even think or believe that I am pretty.
I hate my father. I haven't told him these things...but I don't know if I can...I despise talking to him so much.
All I can ever think about is how fat I am. How ugly I am. And how I'm going to be alone my entire life because I'm not good enough for anyone.
This is my first real post by the way. This has been nagging at me for a couple days, so I thought I'd write it out and get it off my chest.
Also, he saw my cousin (his niece) a few days ago after not seeing for almost a year and the only thing he had to say about her was that she had gained a lot of weight. He actually said "You should see how fat Alena has gotten!" It really pisses me off that he's so fixated on how people look. Makes me hate him even more.
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