The notion of "being yourself"

[Argamemnon]

I don't like this phrase; "just be yourself". First, I don't know what my "real self" is. In social situations I'm just coping. I usually feel like an actor.

How can I show my real self, if this even exists, when I have always felt an actor around people. I think that my real self is what I am now. Feeling anxious in social situations and just trying to cope with the situation is a very "normal" situation for me.

Paradoxically, when I try to be myself, or "give more of myself to others", I actually become more awkward, anxious and it feels very unnatural.

What about you. Can you be yourself in social situations. Do you think you know your "real self"?

 

[Rise Against]

I can "be myself" around people i become familiar with. Im extremely slow to warm up to people though, it usually takes months of seeing them everyday before i can show them my true self.

 

[Argamemnon]

Trying to be myself often worsens my perceived aloofness and awkwardness. It just doesn't work. Feeling exhausted after social situations is inescapable for me.

 

[j_brown2]

I know my self. No I knew myself some years ago. Now I don't know who Iam anymore. I got so many personality disorders that I can be anything and everything. This is driving me crazy, Iam just an actor who takes on different personalities for the past few years.
Iam LOST and CONFUSED

 

[Errordotocx]

I really like when I can be myself around others. I'm so much more relaxed and stress free when I can. Usually meeting new people i'm under pretty high stress and a bit anxious, but it begins to disappear after I have met them a few times or after several months. Funny thing is, is that it's hard to be my "new" self around a lot of my older friends because their perception of me is quite different than it really is. But when it comes down to being myself around people I have newly became friends with...I find it a whole lot easier to really just be...myself. Because they have no past experience with me...so I am as I am.

 

[lettypagb]

U must be depressed or had a codependent relationship and sorta of lost yourself

 

[Argamemnon]

deleted...

 

[j_brown2]

I lost myself coz of all my emotional blockades (is that a word?)

I heard so much criticism and negativity about myself that I CANNOT be myself anymore. Impossible

I do know who I wanna be though, become

 

[Blumentopf]

I got exactly the same thing as j_brown2. I heard so much criticism and negativity about myself that I cannot be myself anymore. So I HAVE TO act different to be sort of accepted. Both being myself and acting and coping put me into situation where people won't like me or disapprove me/hold me cheap which increases my SA and gets me more anxious because whatever I'm doing, being myself or the actor, socially it won't work good ^^"

 

[Argamemnon]

This is what someone else told me. I feel exactly the same.

The only time I feel I can be my *true* self is when I'm by myself with no one else around. Whenever I'm around people, it's like I turn into a whole different person; I'm nothing like I am when I'm alone. I feel like an actor putting on a big facade. I find most social situations mentally draining and afterward, I need lots of "decompression time" to recuperate. I've heard the tired advice to "just be yourself" many times and I concur that it's a load of crap. There is no way in hell that I could ever "be myself" around people! It would just be way too awkward.

 

[SickJoke]

Obviously it's impossible to be anyone but yourself. Even when you're acting, you're still you. When they say be yourself it basically means "be comfortable with yourself."

I prefer "Be your best self."

 

[Psychedelicious]

Don't pretend that you know me

I don't like that saying either. I mean how can you be 'yourself' when you don't even know yourself?

 

[Rheves]

I agree with you guys. Wtf do you do when you have no clue of who you are? I'm not really sure what happend to make me become all shut inside myself, but I really wish I could be the way I was about 10 years ago.

 

[dottie]

i hate when people say, "be yourself!"

be myself = being quiet and hidden away = socially unacceptable

 

[powerfulthoughts]

I think you can say you are being yourself when things feel natural to you. WHen you don't have to think about every single thing you are doing. When you don't feel like people are noticing every little thing you do. When we are thinking about things other than other people, we are ourselves.

It's not impossible to be yourself, you just have to discover what it feels like to not feel like you are always being noticed and judged.

 

[Argamemnon]

I think you can say you are being yourself when things feel natural to you. WHen you don't have to think about every single thing you are doing. When you don't feel like people are noticing every little thing you do. When we are thinking about things other than other people, we are ourselves.

It's not impossible to be yourself, you just have to discover what it feels like to not feel like you are always being noticed and judged.

Good post. Today we had guests (my uncle, his wife and their daughter). I felt absolutely awful and totally drained, but when they were gone, I really began to be myself. I just tried my best and it worked. I felt so incredibly calm and wondered why I had felt so awful in their presence!!

Now I have to "learn" to feel the same way (i.e. be myself) around people. And yet, I know that I can't feel like this when I'm around people, or not for long. Especially at work or when I have to perform something it just becomes impossible to be myself. People + work (concentration) is just too much stress and anxiety. One day, I might be able to overcome this problem to a certain extent in informal social situations, but I doubt that the same will apply to social situations at work.

 

[Illusions]

I can "be myself" around people i become familiar with. Im extremely slow to warm up to people though, it usually takes months of seeing them everyday before i can show them my true self.

Unfortunately it's the same for me. Until I warm up, I get very awkward. I have two diffierent sides to my personality: shy, quiet and not vocal & vocal, active and relaxed. Sigh.

 

[Sure_whynot]

I don't like this phrase; "just be yourself". First, I don't know what my "real self" is. In social situations I'm just coping. I usually feel like an actor.

How can I show my real self, if this even exists, when I have always felt an actor around people. I think that my real self is what I am now. Feeling anxious in social situations and just trying to cope with the situation is a very "normal" situation for me.

Paradoxically, when I try to be myself, or "give more of myself to others", I actually become more awkward, anxious and it feels very unnatural.

What about you. Can you be yourself in social situations. Do you think you know your "real self"?

The trick is NOT, to "be yourself" around others. The trick IS, to not be someone your not.

 

[boro]

The trick is NOT, to "be yourself" around others. The trick IS, to not be someone your not.

Great point. "Being yourself" places too much pressure on yourself to act in a certain way in line with either how comfortable you are by yourself or your imagined view of how you should act around others which are both unrealistic.

 

[Sure_whynot]

I always have to put on an act to some extent, otherwise i'll be left alone. On the subject of not knowing who you are, it may be an extreme example but i'm convinced i've had depersonalization/derealization disorder my whole life. I've never really felt a part of the collective.

Im convinced your going to be fine. The introspective process is only helpful as a first step in recognizing your problem, now you need to fix it.

Leave these forums filled with negativity, add people on myspace and converse to simulate conversation, etc. Do whatever it takes to "repair" yourself, then get back in the game! Your a smart guy, maybe too smart sometimes. hah