ever been called condescending?

pinkputter

pinkputter

Well-known member
I've been called condescending two times in my life, once 3 years ago, once last year, and only recently did i start thinking i actually was.

Once was just this acquaintance and the other was an actual psychiatrist but he had only seen me twice so not too sure what he's basing that off of...
(if he asked for my opinion on his personality I would say he's arrogant ha. but he didn't ask, so I didn't throw judgements at him)

Anyway, what actually bothers me is that recently I've felt their labels have validity now..
I researched condescending on the internet and discovered people who truly are, are usually insecure. So it gives me inscentive to not want to be condescending.

I don't know if it has anything to do with SA...but does anyone else relate??
 
GoBlue72

GoBlue72

Well-known member
I listened to people for a living until the last few years, and rarely told them exactly what I thought. Same goes for people who are complete douchebags I had met. But tonight some dude starts talking to me at the bar and keeps babbling on pointlessly about things. I've never met the guy, he has horrible breath, and he won't leave me alone. So I say to him(in a somewhat gentle tone), "Kevin, you might want to start thinking about telling some more interesting stories than the ones you're telling." I knew he would pick up the criticism, but I didn't care. I was purposely not allowing myself to make eye contact when he was trying to engage me in more conversation, but he couldn't pick up the clues. So, I was at the point of not caring. I would only worry if you were told this repeatedly, and even at that point, if it made you feel bad, then it probably isn't representative of your overall personality.
 
CosmicNeurotica

CosmicNeurotica

Banned
I don't know.
I think people who are more intelligent and open minded actually tend to "sound" condescending.
It's just a language barrier that makes it condescending. Not an actual opposition of thought.
It's because, in life, some things are so hard to explain, that words can't do it justice.
One way can always be another way. It's all in your line of thinking.
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
sometimes i think i come across as condescending but, like you said, it's only because i am so insecure. someone told me yesterday i am intimidating to talk to. which is weird since i feel timid beyond words.
 
CosmicNeurotica

CosmicNeurotica

Banned
Er, sorry for the confusion. I just realized you're also a dude.
Happens to me all the time.
They should really have male or female next to your name, instead of buried under some tabs.
 
GoBlue72

GoBlue72

Well-known member
No problem. I thought the same thing while typing it, since it sounded like it might've been a guy and a chick. Nope. Have no problem attracting drunken/sober guys, just the drunken/sober women that avoid me. And it does happen at the bar with drunks, but like I said, it's usually a drunken guy with another guy or chick. But when it's a chick, she usually disses him early on. And with a guy, the drunk usually gets the idea and stops talking after awhile.
 
pebblesdundee

pebblesdundee

1
ToolShuggah said:
I think people who are more intelligent and open minded actually tend to "sound" condescending.
Click to expand...

It might just be me, but isn't that a bit condescending? I'm not trying to call you condescending, just thought I'd point out the irony. I might have the definition of condescending wrong lol.
 
pinkputter

pinkputter

Well-known member
pebblesdundee said:
It might just be me, but isn't that a bit condescending? I'm not trying to call you condescending, just thought I'd point out the irony. I might have the definition of condescending wrong lol.
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I wondered the same thing, though I do think he has a point. Smart people may sound condescending to others, but theres also the other side of it where the condescending person likes to make himself sound smart. Personally I think both are repelling.

And I would have thought the same thing (that if you sound condescending youre just smart) but a liscensed doctor told me that, so I have to wonder.
 
pinkputter

pinkputter

Well-known member
GoBlue72 said:
I listened to people for a living until the last few years, and rarely told them exactly what I thought. Same goes for people who are complete douchebags I had met. I knew he would pick up the criticism, but I didn't care. I was purposely not allowing myself to make eye contact when he was trying to engage me in more conversation, but he couldn't pick up the clues. So, I was at the point of not caring. I would only worry if you were told this repeatedly, and even at that point, if it made you feel bad, then it probably isn't representative of your overall personality.
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I haven't been told repeatedly, but by two people, I feel is a lot. Because those are only the arrogant people who actually felt the need to share this judgement. And the thing is, lately, things that come to my mind, and therefore what I usually say does sound condescending, after I say it. And when it's too late I do feel like, wow, maybe I shouldn't have said that. I've never felt this way in my life...I've never had to worry about "what" I say because I always felt like I had a good personality. I do still feel like I have a good personality/sense of humor but not if I sound condescending to people. ya know?

thanks for the posts, i read them all and appreciate your feedback
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
@pinkputter did your parents usually speak to you in a condescending tone?

i'm curious because my parents did. they always talked down to me (eyerolly, scoffy, belittling, and impatient), never with me. there is a difference and i think it has shaped the way i speak... which can seem condescending. i'm really trying to work on it but then i find i end up saying nothing at all because i don't know how else to word something. the lag of trying to find a non-condescending way to phrase something contributes to my anxiety.
 
awkwardamanda

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
dottie said:
sometimes i think i come across as condescending but, like you said, it's only because i am so insecure. someone told me yesterday i am intimidating to talk to. which is weird since i feel timid beyond words.
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Putting the "timid" in intimidating?;)
 
lunarla

lunarla

Well-known member
After I say some things, I definitely recognize it as sounding condescending. And then I usually point that out, ha. I figure that cancels is out... maybe... hopefully.
 
pebblesdundee

pebblesdundee

1
I just noticed, but I constantly act condescending sarcastically. like a 2 fingers up to the condescending people, because I know how condescending i really sound, so i might as well trick people into thinking its an act. does that make sense?
 
Richey

Richey

Well-known member
ToolShuggah said:
I don't know.
I think people who are more intelligent and open minded actually tend to "sound" condescending.
It's just a language barrier that makes it condescending. Not an actual opposition of thought.
It's because, in life, some things are so hard to explain, that words can't do it justice.
One way can always be another way. It's all in your line of thinking.
Click to expand...

i disagree with this, i find that most condescending people think they are smarter then what they actually are. i'm not suggesting that this is the case of the OP at all, just in my experience, it's really a very toxi personality trait and is borderline bullying when its constant. if it's not that regular then people just need to catch themselves out and try not to repeat it again in the future.

I have had condescending friends, family members that were on the extreme level of being pushy etc i find these people to be very narrow minded, so essentially they will believe something is correct and nothing else can be an alternative to it.

in terms of explaining something, if you truly know what you are talking about then you will explain it calmly and with enthusiasm, if a person doesnt understand then you will show patience and empathy, you wont get angry and you won't be rude to that person for not understanding.

condescending people don't show the above, generally.

so i am now looking for friends that are quiet and placid and have empathy, i am just generally sick of being around condescending, overly arrogant people, they are too difficult and are always on their high horse and show zero patience. impossible to be around.

again not aiming this at the OP. just in my world.
 
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pinkputter

pinkputter

Well-known member
dottie said:
@pinkputter did your parents usually speak to you in a condescending tone?

i'm curious because my parents did. they always talked down to me (eyerolly, scoffy, belittling, and impatient), never with me. there is a difference and i think it has shaped the way i speak... which can seem condescending. i'm really trying to work on it but then i find i end up saying nothing at all because i don't know how else to word something. the lag of trying to find a non-condescending way to phrase something contributes to my anxiety.
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sorry for the delay in responding...i would say my dad never speaks to me condescending. my mom, maybe a little. but there are enough other reasons for me to have the flaws i do b/c my family is pretty dysfunctional!!lol. not sure where i get the condescending from? I'm not even sure if i really am. does being called that automatically make me condescending? i don't think so. i'm not saying they don't have a right to their opinion. (though, i have to say both of them were really arrogant in general, not just in calling me that)

i'm still sorting out if i really think i am. i try not to be. and it all goes with your attitude. i try to be as compassionate as possible and i figure as long as i'm focusing on something good, there's no room for something bad like being condescending.
 
pinkputter

pinkputter

Well-known member
Richey said:
i disagree with this, i find that most condescending people think they are smarter then what they actually are. i'm not suggesting that this is the case of the OP at all, just in my experience, it's really a very toxi personality trait and is borderline bullying when its constant. if it's not that regular then people just need to catch themselves out and try not to repeat it again in the future.


in terms of explaining something, if you truly know what you are talking about then you will explain it calmly and with enthusiasm, if a person doesnt understand then you will show patience and empathy, you wont get angry and you won't be rude to that person for not understanding.

condescending people don't show the above, generally.

so i am now looking for friends that are quiet and placid and have empathy, i am just generally sick of being around condescending, overly arrogant people, they are too difficult and are always on their high horse and show zero patience. impossible to be around.

again not aiming this at the OP. just in my world.
Click to expand...

I definitely agree with you..you seem like you have a real understanding of this. thanks for the clarity..i think i have the ability to be condescending at times. and at times i feel like i need to be if someone is being rude to me. but i really don't like to be. and like i said earlier, on occasion i have said something and wished i hadn't said it b/c it did sound condescending (wasn't trying to be and the person that it was directed to surely didn't need a condescending remark.). so, it's definitely something i have to work on. but like i said in the post before this, i just try to focus on being a good person overall, and not think of the negative.
 
JamesSmith

JamesSmith

Well-known member
Someone calls a quiet person condescending? That is very common. The most common misconception about shy people is that we think we're better than everyone else. It's natural for others to think we're being quiet because we don't think they are worth talking to. It's a very cocky personality that most people have underneath, they feel that everyone should meet their social standards and need attention from everyone. What's funny is they are the ones that are even more insecure than us in these situations. They need attention, and we don't give it them. It's kind of like not giving a baby a toy (they are the baby) and then the baby cries about it (them calling you condescending or the hundreds of other insults there are for shy people).
 
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