Do you know what triggered your social anxiety?

Ithior

Well-known member
I am not exactly sure what triggered mine, but I'm constantly thinking about it trying to figure out where things went wrong. I don't know why I do this, since it seems that knowing it won't really help me dealing with it.

My current theory about when I started closing myself from the people around me (and ultimately led to social anxiety) has two points: the first is when I broke up with my girlfriend seven years ago (only girlfriend I've ever had by the way), and I didn't want anyone to know I did it because I was starting to like another girl. To be fair, my girlfriend could only be with me 15 minutes a week, and as a 15 year old I wasn't exactly ok with having a sort of long distance relationship. But anyway, I didn't like my reasons so I kept it a secret and I still haven't told anyone as of today.

The second point doesn't seem very important, but I think it made me feel different from everyone else. Relatively soon after the breakup I started liking metal music (symphonic/melodic/power/folk metal, not heavy or death metal) and I thought I'd be seen as a weirdo by everyone else, so I kept that a secret as well. Music was a very frequent conversation topic though, and I couldn't participate because I didn't like the stuff they listened to and I was afraid of talking about what I liked.

So I became used to hiding what I liked, my thoughts and feelings, and when I started liking anime at the end of high school, it was the icing on the cake. Now I couldn't even discuss TV shows and movies and I didn't have any other interest besides video games, which I couldn't talk about because at the time girls barely played video games and guys who played games were nerds/geeks and everyone made fun of them.

I was checking my MSN Messenger logs from 2008-2011 and it seems to corroborate my theory. I broke up with my girlfriend at the end of 2007, and stopped talking about my feelings by the beginning of 2008. I started liking metal music between 2008 and 2009. I can clearly see in the logs that in 2009 I was talking to a lot less people, and having way shorter conversations than in 2008. Unfortunately I don't have my logs from 2007 and before, but I believe I had more and longer conversations back then as well. This trend seems to continue: in 2007, I talked a lot to a lot of people; in 2014, I only talk to one person regularly, but even so it's only about video games or jobs.


Feel free to talk about yourselves, I only created this thread because I thought the post wouldn't be read if I posted it in the Random Thoughts Thread.
 
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Sacrament

Well-known member
Usually there's a predisposition for it, triggered by certain negative events. In my case it was bullying, but I was mostly fine up until the 12th grade. I had a solid group of friends, we'd hang out and have fun, things were good. Then, when I was in the 12th grade, I got my first girlfriend, who broke up with me after about a month or two. That's what triggered a huge, messy wave of anxiety, self-esteem and self-image issues and so forth, as if my mind had suddenly grown a massive amount of roots that made my thoughts become immensely scattered and chaotic. After that, I couldn't leave the house for months.

Thing is, we can blame these things for as long as we want, but after a while, it's our own fault if things don't get better, because it's all in our minds, and it's all in our own hands. After a while, you have to stop blaming people for what they did to you, get off your butt and start living, even if that means starting from scratch.
 
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Ithior

Well-known member
After a while, you have to stop blaming people for what they did to you, get off your butt and start living, even if that means starting from scratch.

The thing is I don't blame other people since they actually never did anything to me. It was always what I thought they would do that stopped me. Now I have to undo all the mess I created in the last 7 years, which seems incredibly overwhelming to do by myself, but the walls I created don't let me step outside and ask for help.
 

dannyboy65

Well-known member
I know one reason I have trouble is my autism, but another has to be from all the bullying I have experienced growing up.
 

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
If I had to place a guess I would say it was some form of verbal bullying due to my weight. I put on a lot of weight in junior high and high school, I ended up weighing 311lbs, at least that was the worst I saw.
I've lost and kept the weight off a few years ago and have put myself on a small diet. Now I weigh around 206, I feel pretty good about it, but the damage has been done.
 
I've lost and kept the weight off a few years ago and have put myself on a small diet. Now I weigh around 206, I feel pretty good about it, but the damage has been done.

Great job on the weight loss. I'm trying to lose weight myself. I was originally 280 lbs in July. Now I'm at about 250 lbs. Still have a long way to go to reach my goal of 192 lbs, but I'm gonna keep pushing. I'm trying t make some gains as well, haha.
 

MotherWolff

Banned
I am not exactly sure what triggered mine, but I'm constantly thinking about it trying to figure out where things went wrong. I don't know why I do this, since it seems it won't really help me dealing with it.

My current theory about when I started closing myself from the people around me (and ultimately led to social anxiety) has two points: the first is when I broke up with my girlfriend seven years ago (only girlfriend I've ever had by the way), and I didn't want anyone to know I did it because I was starting to like another girl. To be fair, my girlfriend could only be with me 15 minutes a week, and as a 15 year old I wasn't exactly ok with having a sort of long distance relationship. But anyway, I didn't like my reasons so I kept it a secret and I still haven't told anyone as of today.

The second point doesn't seem very important, but I think it made me feel different from everyone else. Relatively soon after the breakup I started liking metal music (symphonic/melodic/power/folk metal, not heavy or death metal) and I thought I'd be seen as a weirdo by everyone else, so I kept that a secret as well. Music was a very frequent conversation topic though, and I couldn't participate because I didn't like the stuff they listened to and I was afraid of talking about what I liked.

So I became used to hiding what I liked, my thoughts and feelings, and when I started liking anime at the end of high school, it was the icing on the cake. Now I couldn't even discuss TV shows and movies and I didn't have any other interest besides video games, which I couldn't talk about because at the time girls barely played video games and guys who played games were nerds/geeks and everyone made fun of them.

I was checking my MSN Messenger logs from 2008-2011 and it seems to corroborate my theory. I broke up with my girlfriend at the end of 2007, and stopped talking about my feelings by the beginning of 2008. I started liking metal music between 2008 and 2009. I can clearly see in the logs that in 2009 I was talking to a lot less people, and having way shorter conversations than in 2008. Unfortunately I don't have my logs from 2007 and before, but I believe I had more and longer conversations back then as well. This trend seems to continue: in 2007, I talked a lot to a lot of people; in 2014, I only talk to one person regularly, but even so it's only about video games or jobs.


Feel free to talk about yourselves, I only created this thread because I thought the post wouldn't be read if I posted it in the Random Thoughts Thread.

Ok. I know I am gonna piss alot of people off with what I am about to say. But I assure you all that is not my intention.

Ok. I know that our fear-based emotions(anger, hate, anxiety, dissapointment for example) come from the NEGATIVE way we think. Our emotions then transfer over into our behavior.

Since you are CHOOSING to think that you are anxious and you CHOOSE to think ABOUT the anxiety, rather than disputing the thought(Yeah. I do feel rather uncomfortable. But this feeling is not the end of the world) and then replacing it with a positive, yet honest thought(Instead of focusing on this temporary anxiety, I choose not to and focus on the opposite of anxiety), you choose to literally meditate day and night about it.

Because of that your thoughts make you feel more anxious and depressed. Then your behavior is to listen to that demonizing metal music crap.

I don't know about you, but after listening to that stuff or any negativity, I feel even worse.

When you get cut, you put a band aid over it to let it heal and feel all better, right?

So why on earth would you continue to make yourself feel emotionally worse than you already do after listening to that bullshit?

I just don't understand why people do stuff like that.

Why not listen to uplifting music for a change?

Or do something positive?

Think about this now.

Even the Bible says we are better off to think on pure things.

The stuff they scream in metal music is NEVER pure.....

And no, I am not a Christian, by the way. I am just spiritual.
 
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Nazim

Banned
I was overweight.
I developed my shyness because of that and which further has grown into Social Anxiety and then Panic Attacks...
 

MotherWolff

Banned
Nazim.

It was not the fact that you were overweight that caused your shyness.

It was the way you REACTED to the fact that you were overweight.

There is a difference.
 

Ithior

Well-known member
Because of that your thoughts make you feel more anxious and depressed. Then your behavior is to listen to that demonizing metal music crap.

I don't know about you, but after listening to that stuff or any negativity, I feel even worse.

When you get cut, you put a band aid over it to let it heal and feel all better, right?

So why on earth would you continue to make yourself feel emotionally worse than you already do after listening to that bullshit?

I just don't understand why people do stuff like that.

Why not listen to uplifting music for a change?

Or do something positive?

Think about this now.

Even the Bible says we are better off to think on pure things.

The stuff they scream in metal music is NEVER pure.....

And no, I am not a Christian, by the way. I am just spiritual.

Like I said, it wasn't death metal or heavy metal. It wasn't dark or anything, the lyrics had to do with fantasy or folk. I also avoided at all costs any bands with screams and growls and that stuff, I hated it. What I liked was the fast pace and bigger variety of instruments (piano, violin, cello, and so on).

Either way, I stopped listening to it some years ago. Since then I started to listen to japanese pop/rock (mostly stuff from anime or related), because it had many of the qualities I liked in melodic/symphonic metal but it didn't feel as heavy and the chance to get screams was practically zero. If you knew some of the stuff I listen to you'd notice it is way happier than the crap that is popular nowadays. But people don't like it because it's associated to anime so it's childish, and it's in Japanese as well so it's another reason for them not to like it. But somehow repetitive songs about "blowing" someone's "whistle" are popular and are always playing on the radio.
I don't know if you consider the music on the radio pure, but in my eyes it's way more impure than any metal song I ever listened to.

Does this sound negative and impure? It's not metal by the way, don't worry. The videoclips aren't anything special, but at least you don't have women twerking or doing any sexual dances.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIRAOr8WbXY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5K5II52frQ
 
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Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
Great job on the weight loss. I'm trying to lose weight myself. I was originally 280 lbs in July. Now I'm at about 250 lbs. Still have a long way to go to reach my goal of 192 lbs, but I'm gonna keep pushing. I'm trying t make some gains as well, haha.

I had a lot of luck getting rid of as much salt/sodium as I could. I never add any now, I just use pepper. More fruit is good too
 

MotherWolff

Banned
Like I said, it wasn't death metal or heavy metal. It wasn't dark or anything, the lyrics had to do with fantasy or folk. I also avoided at all costs any bands with screams and growls and that stuff, I hated it. What I liked was the fast pace and bigger variety of instruments (piano, violin, cello, and so on).

Either way, I stopped listening to it some years ago. Since then I started to listen to japanese pop/rock (mostly stuff from anime or related), because it had many of the qualities I liked in melodic/symphonic metal but it didn't feel as heavy and the chance to get screams was practically zero. If you knew some of the stuff I listen to you'd notice it is way happier than the crap that is popular nowadays. But people don't like it because it's associated to anime so it's childish, and it's in Japanese as well so it's another reason for them not to like it. But somehow repetitive songs about "blowing" someone's "whistle" are popular and are always playing on the radio.
I don't know if you consider the music on the radio pure, but in my eyes it's way more impure than any metal song I ever listened to.

Does this sound negative and impure? It's not metal by the way, don't worry. The videoclips aren't anything special, but at least you don't have women twerking or doing any sexual dances.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIRAOr8WbXY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5K5II52frQ

Oh ok. Now I understand. I am glad you removed yourself from listening metal stuff.

It seems you have a huge interest in music. Very cool.

Oh yeah, I hate that twerking crap. Makes me sick to my stomach.

But do you know what the lyrics are saying in those Japanese songs?
 

Luckylife

Well-known member
An abusive childhood is what started mine. My mom didn't want me to have girlfriends, my dad used to beat up on me. I'd have a beating at school and have absolutely no support at home. Sisters were happy when the belt wasn't on them - what the **** happened in the 70's? Eventually we became violent to each other, I left home at 20 and have seen them no more than 5 times in 30 years I'd guess. I think I'm mostly over it.
 

Odo

Banned
I found this study, and I think it's really interesting, and probably fits me well:

Permissive parenting may promote the development of social anxiety | Social Anxiety UK

article said:
In particular, children brought up in a hybrid permissive/authoritarian parenting style (so no verbal exchange and no rules) had the highest level of social anxiety.

This sounds pretty accurate. Also, I spent years living in a house in the country with almost no social contact with anyone outside of school (where I was bullied), and my dad was abusive for a while. I cannot imagine there being a time in my future life worse than when I was 11.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Being bullied from a young age. Growing up in a dysfunctional family where shouting, things being broken, and doors being slammed was common place.
 

Ithior

Well-known member
But do you know what the lyrics are saying in those Japanese songs?

More or less. The ones from anime sometimes are translated (a minute and a half plays at the beginning or end of a show). I also know a bit of Japanese so I can understand really basic sentences here and there. Most of the lyrics are translated online.

The lyrics aren't very deep or anything, they're actually pretty generic, but it's kinda hard to describe. I guess it's a mix of love and friendship. Scenery is often described as well.
 

Missing

Well-known member
Mine started when I started school. Around ten years old it hit the hardest. I was from a poor family, and it was obvious from my clothing. I was welcomed in the "popular" group, but mainly just to be their target when they got bored. One week they would talk to me, another week they'd act like I wasn't even there.

My family life wasn't a help either. They knew I was being bullied and still my mother often reminded me how much she didn't want me around. With the yoyoing of my childhood friend group "you're one of us" to "did you hear that? Must be the wind", I started holding grudges hardcore. I went from being a very happy, loud person to shaking when anything would focus on me. I went into the shadows by high school, and even dropped out because I was expected to do a huge presentation.

I avoid 90% of social interactions. Although since I've move far from where I was from, my confidence has grown a bit along with the help of anti anxiety medication. I freeze up less, and I have less panic attacks. Sadly though I've recently experienced a loss and now I've been diagnosed with complicated grief. It's a big set back and it's a daily struggle trying to continue to treat my social phobia. While I have less panic attacks, my depression makes it hard to leave the apartment.

When it rains, it pours, eh?
 
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