Coping with frustration, getting totally overwhelmed

Lately I just can't seem to cope with normal, everyday, mundane things when they don't go my way. I get incredibly frustrated and start to panic, and always end up crying. I have two main thoughts when these situations happen: "why doesn't anything go my way?" and "why can't I cope with these normal things?", and both thoughts make me incredibly depressed.

Some of the situations when this has happened:
- painting my bedroom and being unable to make perfectly straight edges at the floor and ceiling
- finding out my plans for tomorrow have to change, even though it's for something fun (going out to lunch)
- waking up in the morning to discover 3 ugly pimples on my forehead
- discovering someone scratched my car

I know these are just normal everyday things that happen to everyone, and I need to learn not to sweat the small stuff. But they don't seem like small stuff, they seem HUGE. And even though the logical part of my brain realizes that, the emotional part of my brain disagrees. This is happening more and more lately... I'm not sure why.

Does anyone else have that problem? What do you do to cope? Right now the only thing that works for me is taking a Xanax, which is obviously not the ideal solution.

Thanks everyone

I feel this way too at times.

I have distractions that help, running is my main thing I use to distract myself. If I go for a run I forget about the things that are worrying me for a while.

I keep a journal and write down my thoughts. I try to isolate the good and constructive thoughts and turn up the volume on them. There are a surprising number of good thoughts getting but they are swamped by worries.

My concerns often revolve around people who seem to be having an issue with me. When that happens I try to think about all the people who are friendly to me and say hello. To recognise that there are more people who are kind.

Kiwong said:

I feel this way too at times.

I have distractions that help, running is my main thing I use to distract myself. If I go for a run I forget about the things that are worrying me for a while.

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Usually working out helps me feel a lot better. I usually work out 4-6 times each week. But today I actually broke down crying in the middle of my workout! It makes me feel like I am completely losing my mind.

I keep a journal and write down my thoughts. I try to isolate the good and constructive thoughts and turn up the volume on them. There are a surprising number of good thoughts getting but they are swamped by worries.

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Maybe I should try that too. I used to keep a handwritten journal, but I'd always burn them because I was worried someone would read it. I guess I could start one online? Now that I have a smartphone I could access it anytime, instead of lugging a notebook around.

My concerns often revolve around people who seem to be having an issue with me. When that happens I try to think about all the people who are friendly to me and say hello. To recognise that there are more people who are kind.

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I try not to think about that, but I do often worry what others think of me. I try to tell myself that if they think badly of me, then they aren't a very good person anyway... because that means they are judging me, and none of them know me all that well anyway. I definitely don't need judgmental people in my life.

Lately I just can't seem to cope with normal, everyday, mundane things when they don't go my way. I get incredibly frustrated and start to panic, and always end up crying. I have two main thoughts when these situations happen: "why doesn't anything go my way?" and "why can't I cope with these normal things?", and both thoughts make me incredibly depressed.

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Me too. Very often I feel as though things are conspiring against me. Most of the time I just sigh, or growl, or deal insults at uncooperative inanimate objects. But other times I completely snap. Only if I'm alone though. Oh no, wait... I threw a tantrum in front of someone once. That was embarassing.

I know these are just normal everyday things that happen to everyone, and I need to learn not to sweat the small stuff. But they don't seem like small stuff, they seem HUGE.

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It's easier not to sweat the small stuff when everything else in your life is going well. If it's not, then any little thing can be the last straw.

Ms Cloud said:

Me too. Very often I feel as though things are conspiring against me. Most of the time I just sigh, or growl, or deal insults at uncooperative inanimate objects. But other times I completely snap. Only if I'm alone though. Oh no, wait... I threw a tantrum in front of someone once. That was embarassing.

It's easier not to sweat the small stuff when everything else in your life is going well. If it's not, then any little thing can be the last straw.

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Yeah, it's like the straw that breaks the camel's back. I'm working on the big things in life, like my career and my relationship and stuff, but those things aren't that stable yet. Meanwhile I have to find a way from totally breaking down when the little things go wrong.

Just to update my thread...

I told my doctor about what was happening and he increased my Zoloft from 100mg to 150mg. So far so good, but I've only been on the higher dosage for 2 weeks. Fingers crossed that this permanently works.

I hope things pick up for you Moa. I get like this at times and I have no idea why. Just today I felt my eyes well up at the fact that I couldn't get a tiny bit of the wig I'm styling for a costume to smooth out and I nearly broke down.
Or yesterday? My friend changed the day we were meeting up, which meant I was unprepared and got really upset at the short notice. People changing plans on me is what overwhelms me a lot, as I plan down to the last detail and then poof, it's all up in the air. Or at least it feels like that to me. D:

Have you checked your adrenals? If they don´t produce enough cortisol, you have difficulty coping with stress. It´s just a suggestion, I´m struggling with the same problem so it came to my mind.

Normal everyday mundane things are not normal everyday mundane things.They are little disasters.
You are a survivor.
A survivor.

Yes it can feel like this for me too! I think for people like us it can often feel like something is making it difficult for us.

HOWEVER. I try to remember that thinking in terms of "why does this always happen to me?", might only make it happen more haha. Of course, I feel this when these things do happen, but I try my best not to keep thinking about it in that way, as frustrating as it feels haha. As the mind is powerful. And many people believe that "thought" can influence "things".

Also alot of normal society things/expectations I feel are just not really suited for me, and so try to remember that and not be too hard on myself.

Imogen said:

I hope things pick up for you Moa. I get like this at times and I have no idea why. Just today I felt my eyes well up at the fact that I couldn't get a tiny bit of the wig I'm styling for a costume to smooth out and I nearly broke down.
Or yesterday? My friend changed the day we were meeting up, which meant I was unprepared and got really upset at the short notice. People changing plans on me is what overwhelms me a lot, as I plan down to the last detail and then poof, it's all up in the air. Or at least it feels like that to me. D:

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Thank you... and yes yes yes, I totally understand where you're coming from, those are exactly the kind of situations I have a hard time handling. Do you have any way to deal with it?

Lea said:

Have you checked your adrenals? If they don´t produce enough cortisol, you have difficulty coping with stress. It´s just a suggestion, I´m struggling with the same problem so it came to my mind.

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No I haven't... I always assumed I have too much cortisol because I stress out so much??

SeniorRedrings said:

Normal everyday mundane things are not normal everyday mundane things.They are little disasters.
You are a survivor.
A survivor.

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Thank you... that made me smile.

thor01 said:

Yes it can feel like this for me too! I think for people like us it can often feel like something is making it difficult for us.

HOWEVER. I try to remember that thinking in terms of "why does this always happen to me?", might only make it happen more haha. Of course, I feel this when these things do happen, but I try my best not to keep thinking about it in that way, as frustrating as it feels haha. As the mind is powerful. And many people believe that "thought" can influence "things".

Also alot of normal society things/expectations I feel are just not really suited for me, and so try to remember that and not be too hard on myself.

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For me it's more of "this stuff happens to everyone, why can't I handle this they way they can??" I agree, normal society expectations are not suited for me either. It's kinda nice to know other people feel the same way, although I wish none of us felt this way at all.

I try to distract my mind by doing other stuff besides worrying about problems. Try to find hobbies or things to do.

A mind spent in action is focused more on the task at hand, rather than their problems.

Thinking about problems sucks, from my experience. I'm still not perfect as my mind does wonder at times.

I know what you're talking about, Moa. I can get anxious over any little change in my routine, even if it is just my sister texting me to see if I want to meet her for dinner.

I find that I have a much harder time coping with these types of things when there is any part of my life that is unstable. If I am moving, or having chronic relationship issues, or even just beginning or ending a semester of classes, then my fuse shortens dramatically. I've found that, for me, the best solution is to create as much stability as I can and stick to a solid routine. Anything aside from that routine should be planned of at least thought about for a sufficient amount of time in advance. I also don't get upset with myself when I lose my patience. But I try very hard to be aware of the fact that my frustration is caused by my anxiety, and I try not to act on it.

OceanMist said:

I try to distract my mind by doing other stuff besides worrying about problems. Try to find hobbies or things to do.

A mind spent in action is focused more on the task at hand, rather than their problems.

Thinking about problems sucks, from my experience. I'm still not perfect as my mind does wonder at times.

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When the problem is the task at hand, that doesn't work. And trying to think about something else when you're doing something that requires concentration is a recipe for disaster. Catch 22...

Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said:

I know what you're talking about, Moa. I can get anxious over any little change in my routine, even if it is just my sister texting me to see if I want to meet her for dinner.

I find that I have a much harder time coping with these types of things when there is any part of my life that is unstable. If I am moving, or having chronic relationship issues, or even just beginning or ending a semester of classes, then my fuse shortens dramatically. I've found that, for me, the best solution is to create as much stability as I can and stick to a solid routine. Anything aside from that routine should be planned of at least thought about for a sufficient amount of time in advance. I also don't get upset with myself when I lose my patience. But I try very hard to be aware of the fact that my frustration is caused by my anxiety, and I try not to act on it.

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I was thinking about that this afternoon, and I absolutely feel the same. When something big is going on in my life, the little things don't seem little any more. Last month was hard because I had some family drama to deal with.

I have a weird thing about routines... so long as the routine was created on my terms, I'm ok with it. Like, if my boss were to decide what time I am to come in each day, that would stress me out. But if I decide, even it's as early as 6am, I'm ok. I think it's a control thing... I guess I feel so insignificant in so many ways, having the power to control something makes me feel better. And losing that control, or having my routine interrupted, or having something go differently than planned, is overwhelming and upsetting.

Hope I'm making sense, I'm sort of thinking out loud and understanding my own feelings as I type. I am so grateful to all of you who have taken the time to reply, it really means a lot to me.

Moa said:

When the problem is the task at hand, that doesn't work. And trying to think about something else when you're doing something that requires concentration is a recipe for disaster. Catch 22...

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No, I meant concentrate on what you are doing. I meant do something you enjoy doing, and focus on that thing.

Hm, well for things like the wig situation, I tend to stop, put down whatever is frustrating me to the point where I can't function and try and do something else for an hour or so (like listen to music or go and play a video game), then I can look at whatever overwhelmed me later, with a clear head. Doesn't always work, but sometimes it does. Often I find if I leave it for the day, sleep on it and then come back the next day, I can look at a problem with a fresh mind.

For routines or changes in plan I find it kind of difficult. Since I like to plan down to the last detail, something like someone changing plans on me can really mess me up for days, weeks even months. I've not really found a way to overcome it fully because I just plan so much, so something as simple as a meeting time being changed to later can bugger me up for days just thinking about it and I've never been able to fully address why at times, because sometimes it doesn't even change my original plan I've made up in my head of what I wear, when I leave the house, where I meet up and so on. I think the only thing I can suggest is to maybe write down a little plan of action? Or why the change has upset you?

I understand the lack of control thing, because I'm similar. I like to know the in's and outs of things so that I can say when something is going to happen and why and so on, because it doesn't seem so chaotic then. Like I'm due to begin a new job on December 6th and I'm going in blind, not knowing what will happen when I get there, and this is driving me insane, because I can't prepare for it. I like to know I control a situation so that if it gets too much, I can take a step back from it. It's why routine is important I guess. (probably makes no sense)

Oh, Moa, I can concur so much!

Twice this year, I crashed my car. Nothing too hideous, but the repairs cost a lot of money and a lot of my time. I didn't get too crazy about it. But if I was at home and I drop a CD accidentally, or some food I cook turns out bad, or I forget to bring in the clothes from the clothesline, I get more upset and cranky about that! It's the little things that constantly happen that drive me, and you it seems, insane, while the larger things tend to be brushed away.

Imogen said:

Like I'm due to begin a new job on December 6th and I'm going in blind, not knowing what will happen when I get there, and this is driving me insane, because I can't prepare for it.

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Oh, wow. Good luck!

Moa said:

I have a weird thing about routines... so long as the routine was created on my terms, I'm ok with it. Like, if my boss were to decide what time I am to come in each day, that would stress me out. But if I decide, even it's as early as 6am, I'm ok. I think it's a control thing... I guess I feel so insignificant in so many ways, having the power to control something makes me feel better. And losing that control, or having my routine interrupted, or having something go differently than planned, is overwhelming and upsetting.

Hope I'm making sense, I'm sort of thinking out loud and understanding my own feelings as I type. I am so grateful to all of you who have taken the time to reply, it really means a lot to me.

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Yeah, that makes complete sense. It is only lately that I've realized what a total control freak I am. I've been working on either accommodating that in my own personal routine, or trying to let go of my control in situations when I am with other people. I have a really hard time riding in the car with anyone else, because I get so uptight about the choices they make while driving---even if it is just taking one road instead of another to get to the same place! It's exhausting sometimes.

I also find that it's helpful for me to give myself plenty of time to do anything or get anywhere. This leaves more room for error for myself and for others, and I tend to be able to relax more in general.

Moa said:

When the problem is the task at hand, that doesn't work. And trying to think about something else when you're doing something that requires concentration is a recipe for disaster. Catch 22...

I have a weird thing about routines... so long as the routine was created on my terms, I'm ok with it. Like, if my boss were to decide what time I am to come in each day, that would stress me out. But if I decide, even it's as early as 6am, I'm ok. I think it's a control thing... I guess I feel so insignificant in so many ways, having the power to control something makes me feel better. And losing that control, or having my routine interrupted, or having something go differently than planned, is overwhelming and upsetting.

Hope I'm making sense, I'm sort of thinking out loud and understanding my own feelings as I type. I am so grateful to all of you who have taken the time to reply, it really means a lot to me.

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i can really relate to this whole thread

have you ever read about perfectionism and "demand resistance"

this gets me into trouble quite a bit

Too Perfect

Demand Sensitivity and Demand Resistance | Procrastinators Anonymous

Demand-Sensitivity and Demand-Resistance

coyote said:

i can really relate to this whole thread

have you ever read about perfectionism and "demand resistance"

this gets me into trouble quite a bit

Too Perfect

Demand Sensitivity and Demand Resistance | Procrastinators Anonymous

Demand-Sensitivity and Demand-Resistance

Click to expand...

I just read the infomation about "Demand Resistance" and realized I was sitting here with my jaw open. In a "O.M.G" kind of way. I did not know there was a name for it!
Very interesting reading. Thanks for posting those links.