Would you rather have a few close friends

or lots of friends but on a more superficial level?

Or to put it another way - would you like develop closer deeper relationships with only just a few people or is it more personally preferable to have a lot of people in your life who only know you on a surface level?

I am not all that good with people at the best of times so I tend to develop quality relationships/friendships with few people that I can identify with - developing it deeper over time. Not everyone notices me or is interested, which is fine by me, and I am not really interested in unpleasant, selfish types - I cant handle that many people anyway - I just become exhausted.

Others perhaps have a lot of people in their life - or maybe just get along with a lot more people but only develop a very casual one dimensional relationship with them.... not that there is anything wrong with that of course.

Just wondering where you all fit in - or if you have a perspective or opinion on the matter.

Hmm...superficial type relationships would suit me better. I am already close to two people, my sister and my boyfriend; I need more people in my life though, so that is where friends would come in. These wouldn't have to know all my deepest secrets and I wouldn't have to know theirs, but it would be preferable that we share some common interests (I tend to overshare, so they'd probably know all my deepest secrets anyway.) I would like a bigger network, to know more people, speak to more people. I feel my world is too small.

A few close one's for me.
Quality over quantity and such.

It depends on the people. There are some people I know who I wouldn't want to know beyond light pleasantries or whatever, where there's some I would like to know a little more.

I don't know if there's a real answer to this, other than your own environment will determine the kind of friends you have in your life.

I think it’s nice if you can spread the love. I personally haven’t been able to handle more than one or a few. I would want quality no matter the quantity. Some people are better jugglers than others.

I would like a few close friends and a decent number of people I just know and hang out with. I think that's the best balance. You don't need a bunch of close friends. I've heard of people having one and that's been enough. A few close relationships go a long way, a large number isn't necessary. I think it's a great idea to know and have contact with a bunch of like minded people as well. If there is ever a function you don't want to go alone to or you just want to hang out, these types of friends would serve a good purpose.

MikeyC said:

It depends on the people. There are some people I know who I wouldn't want to know beyond light pleasantries or whatever, where there's some I would like to know a little more.

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I used to have a naive belief that if there was enough understanding and desire between people, that everyone would get along - now though, I dont think that that is possible - at least not to the extent that I thought it was. Usually though there is a treasure trove of wonders to be uncovered from others when you get to know them (if they let you get to know them) - and its surprising just how much different they are than what you first thought.

But yet again - how much you let someone know about you, and how much someone lets you know about them is all to do with how you make each other feel.

KiaKaha said:

I used to have a naive belief that if there was enough understanding and desire between people, that everyone would get along - now though, I dont think that that is possible - at least not to the extent that I thought it was. Usually though there is a treasure trove of wonders to be uncovered from others when you get to know them (if they let you get to know them) - and its surprising just how much different they are than what you first thought.

But yet again - how much you let someone know about you, and how much someone lets you know about them is all to do with how you make each other feel.

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Heh, yeah, that is not the case at all.

There's one girl in particular that I know who was the absolute shyest person I had ever met. She could barely look at me and getting her to say her name was the most I could ever get. Eventually she got more comfortable around me, developed a crush on me (I think), married her boyfriend, and I have only recently realised she's depressed, shy, and has an eating disorder, which makes sense when looking back at a few cases of talking to her. Basically she was someone I wanted to get to know further and I did. She let me into her world and I think I'm better off for it. She was very different to what I first thought she was.

I like your last sentence, too. If I feel comfortable around someone, I'm going to let them in on more of my life. If I don't, I'll hold right back.

I promise I just woke up from a dream thinking the same as you.

I had my best times at university with more people and more diverse people around all the time.

Tell me something: is it important to have kindred people thinking and doing exactly just the same as you, or is it more exciting to approach differently-minded people? At the weekend I was on a train in the UK with some really interesting girls sat next to me, wearing seriously fascinating clothes, eyes, make-up, lashes, bags and what they talked about. It's been a long few years since I encountered and enjoyed anything like them.

At uni, I got absorbed by foreigners - German girls beyond my dreams and understanding.

The thing is: the way I approach such people is not because we have plenty in common about where we are, what we do, etc.

When I feel raunchy, forward, big libido, when I was 18, 19, all I ever speak about is how good she looks. I love your legs. Your tight dress is so nice and colourful! Hair, face, etc, touching.

I'm a lot older now, and SA was in place when I was at school. Uni did magic for me. That time is well over. I had the verve to get onto ladies.

Wondering if that was ever right. Never particularly interested in any girl apart from her body. I wanted her to appreciate my academic background, knowledge and my mind. Maybe that's where it's all gone wrong. Diversity

Gotta be ready for anything. Age difference is difficult

Just one more thing: all the blokes I know who've got married with kids, their partners were really very ugly. It's true. A friend always thought the same. We're right! They could have done better.

There's only a handful of people I contact any more, and it's a problem of location. We had good times

Midlife crisis

I have never developed relationships with anyone on a deeper level.

At this point I'd prefer having lots of friends on a superficial level. Having a big network of people vastly increases the chance that someone will call you up so you can go out there and enjoy life, go to bars or cinema. If it clicks really well with someone they'll stick around anyway.

I now have a very small friend circle and I really only see them once a month. Never when I ask them wether they want to go have a beer are they able, nor do they ever call me. It sucks. So yeah.

GhastlyCC said:

A few close one's for me.
Quality over quantity and such.

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Same thing for me

I have been asked this very question by a number of shrinks. when I hear it, it makes me think about what guidelines shrinks use.

A few close friends hands down.

KiaKaha said:

I cant handle that many people anyway - I just become exhausted.

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Because of this...

Usually though there is a treasure trove of wonders to be uncovered from others when you get to know them (if they let you get to know them) - and its surprising just how much different they are than what you first thought.

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... and because of this.