I was in love once. And by love, I mean I was completely caring and compassionate to one guy, and he felt the same about me, or so I thought.
I loved him because he was very intelligent. It's difficult to find a thinking person nowadays. You know, a person that can have discussions about space, time, philosophy, and politics, without getting pissed off? The kind that can work out differences in ideology and come to a conclusion? That was him.
It sounds perfect, I guess. And some days, it seemed to be so. We'd spend a full day together, and I'd leave for school the next morning, not having a wink of sleep, running on the pure high of love. It was really like nothing I've ever experienced. And this was before we'd actually started being together. Before we even told one another how we felt.
He started hanging out with his friend. I knew he was hanging out with her prior to the incident, but I trusted him very much, and I told him so. But he began to withdraw from me. I kept trusting him, giving him space.
He told me that he'd started screwing her, and that it would be better if he and I weren't exclusive, meaning, "She's a good ****er, you're a good talker. I want both. Lets three way." It really hurt me. I was monogamous to him the whole time. Why couldn't he show me the same respect? And now, he wants me to accept it and move on?
I told him how I felt. I tried to keep calm. He got very defensive, claiming that intimacy "isn't a big deal," and "people don't take monogamy seriously, you know that, sweetie." He was condescending toward me, then impatient. "I guess this is good by then." He left, expecting me to follow, begging him back. I did no such thing. I'll admit it: He's made me extremely bitter toward love and men. I loathe intimacy-- mental and physical. I avoid revealing too much of myself, for fear of some guy losing interest, and finding another woman to sniff.
I know, not all men are like this. And there are lots of weird aspects of my relationship that I haven't said, that probably affected the way things turned out. But I can't help thinking that women and men weren't meant to be monogamous, and those that do stay together are anomalies. Those that think "soul mates" are real, are brainwashed. It makes me sad, though, thinking I can give so much to a person, and never get the same amount back. Like hugging a wall.
He called me a few weeks later, telling me he was sorry. He was so disingenuous. He tried to humiliate me, by saying things like "it must have been shock. I should have anticipated your overreaction." Overreaction?! I unleashed the beast. I made him cry. And I don't regret it. Revenge is sweet.
Sorry this is long.