Your expectations

April72

Well-known member
Cure or acceptation

I'm thinking in both, the one who has social anxiety or the avoidants. From what I know, they are problems difficult to overcome.
Ok, social anxiety has a better prognoxis than AvPD.
Then, we also have that avoidants who develop social anxiety, that it's my own case.

From my experience they are impossible to cure.

Just, yesterday I have a bad moment related to my social anxiety and I did social exposure therapy and all that stuff.

What I want to ask here, is what are your expectations in relation to your disorder? Are these expectations so high that you feel stuck and think that you can't do anything to improve? Have you find some level of acceptation of your limits and you learnt to live with them? If so, it could be usefull to share here how you get it.
Thank you in advance!
 
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Sacrament

Well-known member
You have to take it one day at a time. The more time you spend dreading this or that social situation, the less time you spend actually doing things. You need to get yourself some exposure every single day, and at the end of the day you can go to bed knowing you did well and can sleep feeling proud. Then you start it all over again.

People with social anxiety (or GAD, etc) tend to think it's the end of the world, that no one out there feels the way they do and so on, but it's often "simply" a matter of having your thought processes and emotions in knots, knots you need to attend to one at a time for your life to improve. As in everything, you have two choices: 1) Feel miserable and that there's no way out, or 2) Observe (like a scientist) what you're feeling - to the core of it, fearlessly - and begin the healing process by exposing yourself to your deepest fears, knowing you are as worthy as anyone else, and that much as everyone else, you deserve to be happy and content in your own body, mind and spirit.
 
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Froggy246

Well-known member
Firstly the quote 'strive for progress not perfection' springs to mind, this is important I think. I like what Sacrament said about observing what's going on within like a scientist. Rather that than letting it consume us, and it's a good, perhaps the only place to start when it feels like there's a mountain to climb without the strength to climb it. Withdrawing energy from unhelpful thought loops by observing instead of identifying would I think free up the required inner resources to move forward, one step at a time, and each step is progress worth feeling proud of.
 

Gieky

Well-known member
Acceptation, a mix of accepting yourself and expecting certain things of yourself.
 

April72

Well-known member
You have to take it one day at a time. The more time you spend dreading this or that social situation, the less time you spend actually doing things. You need to get yourself some exposure every single day, and at the end of the day you can go to bed knowing you did well and can sleep feeling proud. Then you start it all over again.

People with social anxiety (or GAD, etc) tend to think it's the end of the world, that no one out there feels the way they do and so on, but it's often "simply" a matter of having your thought processes and emotions in knots, knots you need to attend to one at a time for your life to improve. As in everything, you have two choices: 1) Feel miserable and that there's no way out, or 2) Observe (like a scientist) what you're feeling - to the core of it, fearlessly - and begin the healing process by exposing yourself to your deepest fears, knowing you are as worthy as anyone else, and that much as everyone else, you deserve to be happy and content in your own body, mind and spirit.

You're so right!
Just yesterday, i was talking to an avoidant about it. There are three steps now I want to work in the exposure therapy.
 

Argentum

Well-known member
I don't think there's necessarily a "cure" for everyone. More like ways to manage it. I've been able to enjoy some freelance business and talking in classrooms, but the anxious and avoidant tendencies are still there. Still have racing heart, hands shaking, sweating, inevitable sense of doom, etc.
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
As in everything, you have two choices: 1) Feel miserable and that there's no way out, or 2) Observe (like a scientist) what you're feeling - to the core of it, fearlessly - and begin the healing process

I think this is the key to an important door...

To answer the OP, I think the part on acceptation is vital, as for expectations I have none, certainly not in terms of a cure. I just try to do my best, at the end of the day that's all I can do, and it doesn't matter if it isn't good enough for others as long as it's good enough for me.
 

worrywort

Well-known member
That's a really interesting question; cure or acceptance? I like to think both can work together. It's kind of similar to desire vs gratitude; the desire to improve your situation and get better vs the ability to accept your situation and be grateful for what you have.

Personally I think the two work together like a building, where gratitude and acceptance are like the foundations and desire and improvement are like the building reaching up into the sky. So, I feel that gratitude and acceptance are the most important. You have to start with them. You have to make peace with your current situation and try to get to a place where you are genuinely happy and thankful to be alive, despite all your problems. And then, once that foundation is secure, you can start to dream and desire and attempt to improve your situation. And the way I see it, the stronger your foundation, the bigger you can dream without it all toppling over. Because the problem with dreaming too big or yearning too much for a cure or some kind of better situation, without a foundation of acceptance first, is that all your happiness is wrapped up in the hope. You can't be happy until your dream is realised. Whereas if your foundation is secure to begin with, then your happiness is also secure. So there's no pressure. You can dream and strive as much as you want and if you fail, it doesn't matter because you haven't lost anything.
 
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