Your evolution

[*Amy*]

Yesterday I found this in another forum. It's about trying to draw yourselves to see how you've changed throughout your life. Here's the pattern and a sample:

And then there's me:

I didn't add bubbles or any words at all because I used basic Paint and I'm not very good at writing with that program, so I will explain my evolution here:

Age 10. Used to wear baggy clothes, or at least, the ones my mother bought and told me to wear. Had short hair, but at that age my mother started to let me have it as I wanted, so I left it longer than before. At school, used to be the first student and got almost all As. Had a few friends there. I was very shy and used to be alone but it didn't worry me very much.

Age 13. Still wore more or less what my mother told me to, but I started going to the shops so I could see the clothes for myself and try them on. At 12 started wearing glasses (Harry Potter glasses, as a friend said once, i. e. big and rounded). Had long hair and left my fringe; it didn't suit me, but I wanted to have the same hairstyle as the other girls in my class. At school, I was still the first student (I don't mean to be pedantic, it's just the truth). Began to get somehow left apart by my classmates, but I hadn't still completely developed severe SA.

Age 16. Quite similar to age 13. Still had long hair, already chose my own clothes, started using contact lenses (though used them less than now). At school I still got all As. Had three friends in total, but I was very comfortable around them. Started yearning for dating and having a boyfriend as the other girls in my class did. Didn't have much of a personality, though, and was always dependent on one of my friends.

Current age. I've improved physically, and sort of, psychologically, though there's still much left to do. Physically, I dyed my hair black and have it short now, and with a fringe (it looks better like this, though now I'm getting tired of it and want to get it longer again). I choose and buy almost all of my clothes, and they are more feminine/stylish than before. I also put on make up sometimes, which sort of increases my self-confidence. I still feel uncomfortable with the way I look, but it could be worse.
Life could be better but I must accept it as it is. I am not a great student anymore, I don't have any friends in college, and when I talk to my classmates it's always about uni stuff (homework, exams, class contents). I am losing my fear to talking to teachers (not completely, but I'm getting better), but haven't solved the problem of my fear to men (must surely work on it throughout this year).

Sorry for my writing too much, I just wanted to get it out

 

[Niteowl]

Interesting story Amy, change is always fascinating. It's a good idea for a thread, for people to reflect on how they've changed.

At age 10, I suppose I was completely normal. It seemed that way to me, at least. I was quiet, and hard-working in class, but I had the one friend at that age and was okay with that. I enjoyed primary school, so perhaps I should have done a smiling face instead. That's my school uniform that I drew. I don't really remember what I used to wear at home. I wasn't popular and I was shy, but I was also had some self-confidence then. I remember the performance we did in year six (I don't know about other schools, but every year-group did a play at the end of the year) and I volunteered to be the first to speak on stage, before the curtains opened!

Age 13, haha, I was quite right to make the picture look miserable. Of course secondary school is very different from primary school, and... the people from my primary school wasted no time spreading lies about my friend and me. It's not long before I'm officially extremely unpopular and it stays that way until I leave school years later. At this particular age, I remember I had two friends. They both had ADHD, and were real trouble when they were together. Luckily, I only had one or two lessons with them both. The main thing I'm remembering is all the bullying though. Again, school uniform, because I don't have many other lasting memories from outside of school.

Age 16, and there we have social anxiety. Do you see it? I went to the art college and we could wear whatever we wanted, so I did have to buy some new clothes. By that I mean I visited a few online stores and bought a bunch of band t-shirts. My parents bought me that grey fleece to replace one that I had been wearing for years. I had a girlfriend, believe it or not, but... I didn't like her that much. I liked her as a friend, but she pushed it into being something more and she was manipulative. She might not have learned anything, since she moved on very quickly, but I learned to just say no sometimes. It has helped me a lot so far.

I'm 18 now, and I decided not to do higher education at this stage. Because of this, I'm not doing a lot right now. I'm volunteering, and working at a project with a friend (we don't make anything out of this, not yet, anyway), and of course job-seeking! In terms of my appearance, nothing has changed much in about seven years now, haha, except it's usually a superhero t-shirt now because I have loads of them. I also have more hobbies and interests than I've had in the past. As for experience I've learned quite a bit, and I have improved my confidence a bit. I'm still terribly anxious, but I'm okay with my voluntary work which involves talking to complete strangers.

I drew what I might wear indoors (something quite like that today, in fact) because I don't go out that much, but for comparison I did another picture (below). I said I like my comic character t-shirts but I own a lot of jumpers now. I think it started when I bought one, and now every time there's been a sale in town my mum comes home with another couple of them for me. Can't complain though. I don't like my appearance, I'm sorry to say, but I wouldn't go out of my way to change it, if you know what I mean? I don't like it because other people make me feel that way, but you don't have to change for what other people think and say, not if you don't want to.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

My last one would just be a big circle. ha ha

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

This took me longer than I would care to admit, but it was fun.

Age 10: I was sort of a tomboy. I hated pink and loved video games/action movies. This was the time I started becoming self-conscious (right before puberty). Also, I was kind of chubby at this stage but I couldn't be bothered drawing that in. So yeah.

Age 13: I had full-blown SA and depression. I tried to fit in at school and bleached my hair blonde in an attempt to appear more girly. I had a couple of 'friends' but I felt completely alone. Cried myself to sleep a lot of the time, that kinda stuff, you know.

Age 16: Dressed in all black and demonia platform boots. So I suppose this was the 'goth' stage. I wasn't really looking for attention, quite the opposite in fact. My SA was still bad and I went through severe bouts of depression. I cut myself and sometimes I seriously wanted to commit suicide (typical teenage angst stuff, I guess?). Thankfully I had friends who accepted me and I also met my first boyfriend at this age. I listened to a lot of metal, black metal mostly (hence the 'Cradle of Filth' t-shirt). Sweet 16, my ass.

Current age (19): I mainly wear hoodies and jeans nowadays, nothing special. I dyed my hair red and got it cut short, partly because my long hair always used to annoy me and get in my face. I don't really have depression anymore, but my anxiety has gone through the roof. Yeah, I'm still pretty screwed up.