If you'd do anything to get into solitary while in prison
The above and "the only date I've ever had came from eating in" were both laugh-out-louders for me.
I've always wondered why prisoners complain about solitary. Reading all day with no people around? Great! The only thing I'd need to strategize to get out of is that one hour a day outside exercise.
Here's my list:
...if you'd rather be 15 minutes early to school/work/church than to get there at the last minute and be the one everyone stares at.
...you find yourself raising your voice because no one seems to hear or respond to you.
...you can write countless pages of fiction that people sincerely say they're entertained by, yet when you're stuck in a one on one conversation the person is practically knocked unconscious by the forehead-to-the-table boredom you can't help but cause
...co-workers will only say hi to you if their path brings them toe to toe with you.
...your boss threatens to fire you after seeing you sit in the truck during an outdoor project, when it's really not laziness that caused it but your desire not to be back inside with people.
...telling yourself that you'll look ridiculous giving a speech of course leads to you looking ridiculous giving a speech, and you can see the audience looking at you like, "You do realize you look and sound pathetic right now, don't you." (Yes, we know.)
--you drag your feet to delay making an attempt at fulfilling your dreams because doing so preserves the scintilla of hope that they might actually come true someday. Actually trying all your plans and failing, then what?
---during the exceedingly rare times when members of the opposite gender make it clear they like you, long mental lists are compiled to try to talk them out of it. A few you subtly explain to them, the others you demonstrate to them.