would you rather date a girl who..

[kihira]

It wasn't supposed to be a superficial question. I thought the answers would show me that having confidence is more important than how I look. Because I have very little confidence and I'm trying to work on that. I'm insecure that all my issues will prevent me from being datable. I guess I was just looking for some insight into how people think. I didn't intend for it to be taken the way it has been to some people so I apologize. It wasn't supposed to be superficial. And I appreciate those who understand where I'm coming from!

No need to apologise, its not a superficial question at all - as can be seen by the number of responses - it is thought provoking.

I do think that posting "what a superficial question" to someone's thread is rather thoughtless and impolite

 

[coyote]

it's not a superficial question at all

some people are attracted to one thing about you

some people are attracted to another thing about you

and others are attracted by yet something else

if you are fortunate, you may find someone who likes the total package

but you don't have to be all things to all people

just as everyone is different and has something different to offer, everyone's tastes are different and attracted by a different combination of things

you can't please them all

so your only real choice is to be exactly as you want to be

 

[evernight]

I'd definitely rather go out with an average girl that is confident. It's draining having to hear someone complain about themselves all the time.

 

[mikebird]

The first one.

Where is she?

 

[MrJones]

The first one.

Where is she?

May be closer than you think

 

[Steamdriver]

A Woman who is insink with you mentally will be so much more beautiful/hot to me then just a "hot girl",maybe I am different from other men but if I see a really hot girl and talk to her and have nothing in commen with her,or she thinks she is the greatest thing on two legs I will think of her as such a ugly person that it is hard to even look at her,however,if you show me a normal girl who dosnt fall in the catigorie of "hot" but we see eye to eye and understand each other,I would think she is hotter then any super model,and she is probably more beautiful inside and out more than any super model two.

 

[BlackPuma]

I accept pretty much everyone in my friend circle as long as I can trust them, but when it comes down to romantic relationships I always prefer someone that is my buddy rather then someone that is good looking.

It also depends on how the insecurity manifests. If it means that we're going to have a lot of irrational fights originating from the insecurity, then I'm going to be very unhappy, very soon. But if the insecurity only makes the person in question very shy, then I would give it a try regardless of just how insecure this person is (or how pretty/ugly he/she is).

I can speak out of experience that a good looking person can become very ugly when that insecurity is audibly expressed in the wrong ways. It are hard relationships to maintain. Worth it all the same, mind you, but very hard.

I don't think beauty and security are as important as whom carries that beauty/security. If you care about someone enough you try to make it work regardless of both.

But to stay on topic, if I had to choose; I would choose for the secure average girl for a relationship. All the insecure ones can be close friends, though. :3

 

[Thelema]

Men are bred to favor physical attractiveness by biology.

Looks being so subjective is bs. People have certain types of features they prefer, but generally, what we find attractive is hardwired.

Why are people afraid to offend people on the forum by just stating the truth? People afraid to tell it the way it is is offending.

 

[AGR]

I cannot chose,this question doesnt make sense to me without knowing the person.

 

[Tiercel]

Definitely the attractive one with self-esteem issues. Because there's still a part of me that dreams of helping people who could use a little help.

And because my experience with dating has always been of the "furtive glances from across the room and remembering what she was wearing last Tuesday when she made that one comment" type.

 

[Waybuloo]

I think average woman with a healthy self esteem would be a better alternative description? Lots of confidence denots that you are talking down to people and overpowering them. I think self esteem creates social confidence, which can even lead to you feeling so assured you don't need to talk people down to assert and prove yourself...

I think that most men like a girl next door type, someone who is down to earth, warm and engaging. An 'average' girl with the right personality and charm can be really attractive, whereas a very attractive girl with the dynamite personality combo would scare most people off because they tink they are too good to be true. I think that guys would obviously be attracted to the attractive girl, but they might just go in for the conquest and then leave, because most men don't want to bother dealing with another person's issues. If a girl has healthy self esteem, interest in other people and other things, is warm and kind hearted and fun, then I really don't think there is a problem for her getting a guy.

 

[Waybuloo]

I am kind of shocked to hear that so many people would go after the really attractive girls with no self esteem. I guess that makes sense that even though lots of girls have a ton of issues, as long as they are beautiful it doesn't matter. I have always felt like if I was beautiful I could get away with anything; I could be as depressed or mean as I wanted and I would still get attention. I guess I am right about that.

I mean taking into consideration all the attention the beautiful girls on here get despite there complete lack of self confidence, I should have known.

To me, low self confidence is a huge turn off. Do you like me? Am I doing something wrong? Do I look okay? Are you sure? Are you having fun? are you sure? Are you sure I am not bothering you? Blah blah blah.

Confidence is a HUGE turn on. When someone can be really happy with themselves and not afraid to express it and be who they are in front of anyone... that's so awesome. It can make an average looking person become extremely sexy.

It's not... fair. I guess gaining a lot of confidence isn't going to help me. According to the majority here, the ugly girls are doomed. To be honest, I am a little disappointed.

Also, I think the "I want to help someone I like become more confident with themselves" isn't going to work. The 100s of guys who came before you and told them they were beautiful didn't change anything, you won't either.

I don't want to sound big headed but I have been described as attractive, pretty etc, but I never had any success with guys. They just aren't interested because I looked unsure of myself.. When I was younger I though is there something wrong with me because I get guys and girls say i'm attractive and i'm not bitchy or snobby or rude or too dimwitted, and the only problem I could see was my lack of self esteem and confidence and I think I showed that to the world.

Yes beautiful girls get attention, they would anywhere. But would a (normal) guy date them just for being beautiful, taking consideration of all the drama? I don't think so.

 

[dutchguy]

I would probably not date anyone whom I did not find attractive. I don't think a relationship works with someone you think isn't attractive. So I'd definitely go for the 'attractive' one with self-esteem issues.

BUT; Note that there's a huge difference between 'attractive' and 'conventionally considered to be beautiful by society'. If you would have said 'beautiful' or 'hot' instead of 'attractive' I would have gone for the more 'average' girl, because that's what I find most attractive anyway. (have I completely confused everyone yet?)

Speaking of self-esteem issues; I have so many of those myself that judging someone elsefor having them would be taking hypocrisy to a new level. Overly confident women only scare me anyway; they make me feel incredibly inadequate. I'd much rather have a cute geeky looking girl with whom to work on our issues together. What would be more romantic than to conquer your collective issues together as a team?

Anyway; to just say "all you guys are insensitive and shallow for choosing the attractive girl!" is a little short-sighted, especially considering that most guys on this site would actually find self-esteem issues an attractive quality because they can relate to it.

 

[commenter39]

Would you rather date a girl who is extremely attractive but has self-esteem issues or an average looking girl who has amazing confidence?

definitly the average looking girl Not about the confidence thing, it s because hot girl is never yours even u re dating with her, even u think she is

 

[Felgen]

Would you rather date a girl who is extremely attractive but has self-esteem issues or an average looking girl who has amazing confidence?

The former. All the confidence that people have nowadays isn't natural anyway.

 

[DafT]

Definitely the one with less confidence. With the way I fumble whenever I speak to women, meeting one on a date that has reduced confidence or that's shy (such as by having trouble looking me in the eye, or apologising for things she says) makes me feel a lot less under pressure.

Sorry if that sounds selfish or cruel on my part. Confidence just scares me because it makes me feel like I'm the one who's most likely to ruin the encounter by closing up or looking scared.

 

[Bittersweet]

I'd much rather have a cute geeky looking girl with whom to work on our issues together. What would be more romantic than to conquer your collective issues together as a team?

Nice to know someone else shares this view.

 

[drganon]

At the rate I'm going, I'll take whatever I can get.

 

[v_coccotti]

At the rate I'm going, I'll take whatever I can get.

Ditto.....

 

[v_coccotti]

.... I'd much rather have a cute geeky looking girl with whom to work on our issues together. What would be more romantic than to conquer your collective issues together as a team?.....

Same here....