Would this best friend's actions have pissed you off?

[nightcrawler]

My "best" friend - of over 20 years - got engaged just over 2 weeks ago and has yet to tell me! I found out by accident when I briefly reactivated my Facebook account and saw it on his wall. Here's the story (short version I promise!...) I used to see him quite regularly, but at the beginning of this year he finally moved in with his girlfriend and her kids and they now live together around 8 miles away. I guessed I'd probably see less of him now - which is true...I've seen him twice since January Anyway, that was partly to be expected, but I am annoyed that he hasn't bothered telling me his big news - no call, text message...nothing. He doesn't yet know that I now know. Guess I'm lower down on his friends list than I thought I was

EDIT: I guess I should have called him more of an old friend than best friend, but despite not seeing him much now I still consider him my best friend simply cos of how long I've known him (longer than anyone else).

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

To be honest, if I'd only seen a friend (who lives 8 miles away) twice since January, then I'd think the friendship was now a very casual thing anyway, so no I probably wouldn't be pissed off.

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

Sadly it seems to be that while you might consider him your "best" friend, to him you might just be an acquaintance oir a "low level" friend.

That's the thing about most human relationships, if you don't keep them active they tend to fade away.

And no, I wouldn't be mad, maybe just dissapointed.

 

[nightcrawler]

Thanks for your replies so far. Well yeah I guess "best friend" was what he used to be...just more of an old friend now. I think Steppen-wolf probably said it best in that I'm more disappointed than annoyed, mainly cos I've known him for so long. Do you all think I should call/text him congrats (with possibly a cheeky comment like "were you gonna tell me before or after the wedding?" ), or wait till he tells me his big "news"?

 

[upndwn]

My best friend through 15+ years got married and told NO ONE, not even his family. Two months later he posted it as his status on Facebook. He was away studying at the time so he had very little contact with his old friends. At that time I was kind of annoyed that he didn't tell me. Our relationship has certainly changed and even though we are roommates we really don't connect like we used to. It's a shame, but he decided to change his life around and part of that change was to disconnect from his past. The only reason we have any contact is because he was desperate for a place to live so as a last resort he asked me because he knew I needed another roommate to make the rent.

 

[doubleM]

Your chum is now in the cold grasp of a succubus, he has no friends anymore.

^this.

i understand the annoyance. me and my cousin used to hang out alot. he was practically the only friend i had left for awhile. now his gf has him in her back pocket and i never see him. never answers my calls or texts. he disappeared and i havent seem all summer. hes at her house all the freakin time and has no time for anything else. its pathetic really. they will probably get married and i wont even know about it lol.

 

[Phoenixx]

Since it's an old friend, I probably wouldn't be pissed, per se. I definitely would be a bit disappointed though.

Last fall, my "best" friend (Used to be best friend. We had quite the falling out this year) had gotten engaged... And she never told me. I happened to find out about it a month later when I overheard her telling our teacher. He had asked me about it and I had no idea. I think he was more surprised to find that I didn't know about the engagement, than the engagement itself. My friend had the most feigned surprised look on her face and then she says, "I didn't tell you?" I was pretty pissed about it, not to mention she wasn't a very good friend at all.

 

[EnigmatiConduit]

The pattern of life tends to be people form close friendships but then develop within their own relationships and we all then go on to live mostly seperate lives from our friends. It would be a little hurtful to not be told about that kind of huge news, however i think before getting pissed off about it, give him a call, maybe there was a reason? If not, i wouldn't be too bothered by it, life goes on and he would have told you eventually.. just how it goes..

 

[da_illest101]

Yea i would kinda be pissed. I don't see it happening but i would be mad. Also i havent seen my best in a long time but thats just the way we are. We are too damn lazy to do something about it. Thats how our friendship wotk and we wouldnt want it any other way

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Are engagements really a big deal these days?
I was 'engaged' for 2 years and no one really knew about it- no one cared, either. I guess that's what happens when you're with someone for 8 years without popping out some babies or getting married. People stop paying attention.

Anyways--- I would've been surprised but not angry.
You do have a right to feel angry with him if you consider yourself to be a close friend, though. That can be kind of insulting to not get some kind of news first or like a; 'I think I'm going to ask this girl to marry me.' talk.
As you get older you tend to drift apart from friends, I find; and that's when facebook seems to be the best source of information... you'll hear about it on FB before you'd ever get a phonecall. haha

 

[sucettes]

I don't think I would have cared. If I got engaged, I don't even know if I would tell my "friends". They would all see it on Facebook anyway. Then again, I don't really have many friends and my social phobia would prob make it uncomfortable for me to tell it to anyone. It would get me too much in the spotlight if that makes sense?

 

[nightcrawler]

Thanks for all of your replies guys It seems that "losing" a friend when they get married, engaged etc is just part of life. Maybe I was in denial Just for the record, when I see/speak to him next I'm not gonna have a go at him for not telling me. Outside of work this was really the only friend I saw regularly. Because of my SA my social circle has kinda dwindled over the last decade or so :: You never know...this may give me the kick up the backside I need to go and meet new people...