Ever since I found this website I've been worse off... on this website I have somebody to talk to, only when I stay home. I have now a reason not to go anywhere, or not to step out my front door. Before I thought I was a freak, and so I forced myself to step out because I... well I don't know, but I did. Now it's gone, I don't exercise anymore either, I'm sinking into depression, but before I would have told myself "Stop sopping around and take control, get healthy, and go for a run.". Maybe it IS thoughts that breed feelings, and realizing that my high standards keep me from doing things is just breeding hopelessness.
That's too bad
I haven't had that problem here myself, but maybe it's because I have people around me at home and I have art. I feel like having something you are passionate about is really helpful and important.
It makes me sad that you think you're a freak... and that you sound like you think that's a bad thing. I know how you feel, but you're not "a freak" you are unique. And being unique is AWESOME. Being different can be hard, but it's worth it. I think so anyway and I've always been "a freak". But I revel in the term, I enjoy it, it's not a negative word to me at all. I love the movie "Freaks" and the book "Geek Love". Most good novels aren't about "normal" people, they're about people that are different or off in some way. They stand out, and that's why they end up having adventures and doing amazing stuff!
For me, exercise is a huge hurtle. I go long periods of time without getting any (when I'm really down) but then when I feel better, I can't wait to get moving again. I think the important thing is not to judge yourself and not to think too much about it. If you sit around and think "I should go run, but I don't want to! I am so lame, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just get up?! Why am I so lazy, I'm going to gain a million pounds. Blah blah blah...." And it goes on and on and on. The trick I've found is when you think "I should go run" you stop there, get up and do it. DON'T THINK. Don't let your mind trail off to nowhere don't run yourself around in circles in your head, just get up and do it. And if you DO sit around, don't be cruel to yourself. Just say, "I don't have the energy today, I'll do it tomorrow." Stop yourself from being mean.
I wouldn't say that thoughts breed feelings, it's a cycle. Thoughts fuel emotions which, in turn, elicit actions which causes thoughts which fuel emotions. It goes on and on and on. Change your thoughts and you can change anything.
I know your high standards can make it hard, I have the same problem. But what I am trying to do is think more about the things that stress me out. Like when I play a video game and I get so MAD at myself for not doing whatever I am supposed to do perfectly. So I stop and I think, I don't want to be an expert video game player, that is definitely NOT a goal I have, so why does it matter? Who cares about a video game? And if I still feel upset, I stop playing a go read a book till I calm down. Then I go do something else. When you are doing something that you would like to be very good at someday, make sure to remind yourself that it takes time and practice to GET good. And that is where the pressure should be, to practice, not to be an instant success.
I hope that you don't leave the site, I really like talking to you! But if you feel you need to for your own sanity, then do it. Whatever holds you back from your own personal growth should be tossed.