Worrying about what others think causes fake behavior!

[cbtrox]

Just some scattered thoughts from what I'm learning...

So when you or I are alone or in conversation with a close person (say your brother or sister) we are normal beings, we talk, react, smile, cry, get angry, listen, etc. we do all that genuinely. It's the true us.

But If I worry about what others (say people in the supermarket, or school) think of me this leads me to do all the aforementioned actions superficially. It's like every move, every word we do is hooked to the thought (illusion really) of "what are they thinking of this, how are they going to react, I look dumb, etc." and hence those words and moves come out as superficial and fake. You think you're doing the right thing but in reality you're faking yourself, you're not you, and the here's the kicker: Those people don't even care. It's a sad realization but true and healing: you are not the center of the universe, lol. It's sour isn't it? But it's the truth.

Look at this:

What do you see? Line on the right is longer. That's what your mind thinks after being fooled into false judgement by visual distractors (the head of arrows) but the REALITY? both lines are of the same length! Check for yourself by whatever method. The same applies to fear and thinking of what others think. It does NOT exist, it's your mind being fooled into thinking it exists but it does not exist in reality. Your mind creates it, fabricates it and fools you. You are a victim of your own mind. Wake up.

Finally, a quote that I like:
"We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do." - Ethel Barrett

 

[jaim38]

Thanks for sharing!

"We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do." - Ethel Barrett

Good quote! In my experience, there are exceptions to this though (i.e. persistent bullies who try to make my life worse almost every time they see me), but I guess most people could care less.

 

[Ithior]

This is completely unrelated to the thread, but everytime I see someone write "Wake up." (like in the first post), this always comes to mind:

 

[jaim38]

On a second thought, the lines you posted remind me of this experiment:

The Asch Experiment - Understanding Conformity in Groups

It's an experiment on social conformity which uses lines for comparison purposes. We are lucky we live in societies with relatively much freedom. In other societies, conformity or nonconformity could mean the difference between life and death. People who are different in some way are persecuted.

 

[Froggy246]

Interesting and important insight. The problem as always, is being rational consciously, but trying to explain this to the more instinctive/overriding unconscious machinery.
I do feel cursed with too much self awareness, but how do you become less self aware!? It's like another thread I saw recently, I'm either concluding that someone is thinking good of me, or concluding that someone is thinking bad of me, when in reality it's probably indifference, and quite frankly I'd rather not feel the need to conclude anything. The game of ego points gained... other must think I'm impressive after that, and points lost or in deficit....other is no longer impressed after that, or other must think I'm utter scum.

Anyway as I said, good point, but not sure how to change the thinking patterns.

 

[Froggy246]

This is completely unrelated to the thread, but everytime I see someone write "Wake up." (like in the first post), this always comes to mind:

That was kind of weird to read, both disturbing and enlightening.

 

[Livemylife]

I think it causes me to be "wooden" and uptight. I actually like my personality, although I know it won't be everyone's cup of tea. What makes me wooden and monotone is not being comfortable around people. I never truly know what they're going to say or think, which puts me in a constant state of fear. I rather just freeze up than deal with the overwhelming experience of socializing.