why is it okay to be rude?

[LazyHermitCrab]

There's this person in my life. I thought we were close, but now I'm thinking probably not. This is how the conversation went.

Me: It's been hard finding a new job. I guess I'll just have to ask to increase my hours at the one I have for now.

Person: Oh, well I don't know you should. I think another coworker should take the hours that really needs it. You're more of the "bottom of the barrel."

Me: What did you say?

Person: *Repeats*

Me: Oh just making sure.

Person: Anyway we should do something tomorrow.

Me: I have to go...

Person: Why??

Me: Maybe you should think about what you just said.

Person: Oh I was kidding... I didn't mean to hurt you...

WHAT???? It did not seem like that at all Anyone else have this happen????

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Yeah, I understand where you're coming from. You have every right to react that way. Most people are too dumb to understand what can be a joke or an insult. Doesn't matter if he thought it was a joke or not,saying insults that were meant to be jokes aren't funny I find at all. I'm sorry, I don't know what advice I can give you on this. Just remember, people don't think first before they choose what they say. They are just imbeciles.

 

[this_portrait]

"I think another coworker should take the hours that really needs it."

And you don't need the hours? You just got done telling this person that you can't find a new job and that you're probably going to have to ask for more hours until you do. Does this person think you're not worthy of working more to make ends meet just because you're not one of the "higher ups" where you work?

If someone said something like that to me, it would be hard for me to contain my anger. It might seem scary, but I think you should confront them about it.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Sounds like your "so called" friend is unhappy with their work life and wanted to drag you down because they're miserable.

We all occasionally jab at others when we're discontent or jealous. If this behavior is rare to how your friend normally acts, I would let it slide. If it becomes an ongoing thing, I would find a new friend.

 

[telepathine]

ooo, this made my blood boil a bit. i've been in a similar situation. it's not ok to be disrespectful. i wouldn't think of this person as a friend and my guard would fly up immediately. it's necessary to be cordial at work, but i wouldn't hang out with him/her outside of work. some people are just mean spirited and you don't need that negativity in your life -- you're hard enough on yourself as it is.

 

[BlackPuma]

That's an odd joke, then. I mean, good natured ripping is a thing, but that didn't sound like a joke. It seemed passive aggressive more than anything.

But don't forget, though; friends say dumb things sometimes. It could've been an actual joke that was poorly thought through. It's better to give him/her the benefit of the doubt unless it happens frequently enough to wear you down.

That said, your reaction to it was fair enough. You stood up for yourself.

 

[Hellhound]

That's an odd joke, then. I mean, good natured ripping is a thing, but that didn't sound like a joke. It seemed passive aggressive more than anything.

Yeah, not a joke at all. The "Oh, I'm joking" thing is nothing more but an excuse.

I wouldn't talk to that person for a long time if I were you, unless they apologize.

 

[theoutsider]

People will test you under the guise of the "I was just playing" excuse. I think what they really want is to be able to say whatever they want to certain people and get away with it. For some people, it's human nature to want somebody else under their thumb and available for whatever abuse they decide to dish out. Your response was definitely the right one. Call them out on it and refuse to be around them if they can't respect you as an equal.

 

[hidwell]

I used to have a few EX friends like tha,t that is why they are my ex friends now, and it is people like that which is the reason why I choose not to have any friends because at the end of the day they suck.

 

[MikeyC]

Sorry that happened to you, and yes, it's happened to me in the past, as well. Not fun moments that I like to reminisce about.

 

[pulmonar]

Well, I will just tell you that this is exactly how my friendship with the girl who used to be my best friend ended. She said something as a joke, but it was clearly and insult and something she said to make fun of me. Of course she knew exactly what she was saying. I stopped talking to her and when she asked why I reacted like that I was like: are you serious? When I told her, she said I was an idiot for taking it too personally. That's when I knew we were done. It was rude of your friend to say that, in my opinion. But if you guys meet again and it doesn't feel awkward for you to be around him then I guess you guys will be fine. Talk about it though. Some people need to learn difference between making a joke and being disrespectful. Hope this helps. Sorry for my english.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Thanks for the responses. This actually happened to me a month ago, but started bothering me recently. I really don't like the job because I don't have friends there so maybe that person was trying to look out for me. I think I just need to keep looking for another job tbh. This person is usually nice and has been lately so I won't bring this particular thing up again but gonna try to not allow it to happen again.