Why does the thing i want/like most scare me?

[PennyLane]

I find it strange how split I am with what I want. You'd think as an introvert you'd want to be by yourself, as meeting people and spending time with them can be challenging...yet i crave company..i don't really like to be alone and i love to be with others..even when i don't have a boyfriend i miss sleeping beside someone...so why on the other hand do i find being with people so hard, especially when it gives me so much?

Its strange how there is a battle between the part of me that loves having friends and being with people and the part thats terrified of it!

It seems friendship and love are the only things i really want in life and yet they are the things that elude me the most through my own doing.

Does anyone find this??

 

[mimi1988]

I find it strange how split I am with what I want. You'd think as an introvert you'd want to be by yourself, as meeting people and spending time with them can be challenging...yet i crave company..i don't really like to be alone and i love to be with others..even when i don't have a boyfriend i miss sleeping beside someone...so why on the other hand do i find being with people so hard, especially when it gives me so much?

Its strange how there is a battle between the part of me that loves having friends and being with people and the part thats terrified of it!

It seems friendship and love are the only things i really want in life and yet they are the things that elude me the most through my own doing.

Does anyone find this??

No, I don't find it strange at all. We all have our days (or moments) where we prefer to be alone. But no one Prefers or ENJOYS being lonely. (There's a big difference between the two). We all crave some level of human or social interaction. It's just that our social phobia inhibits us from doing so. I understand what you mean perfectly. It's like I crave male attention all the time because I feel so lonely, but when I actually get the attention, I get scared sh**tle$$, and as a result I still end up... boyfriend-less (lol). Or, I'll want someone to befriend me. But when someone tries to be my friend, for some reason I'll start to distance myself from that person, even though a friendship is what I desperately want!

 

[Nicholas]

I agree with mimi.
I like to be alone when I'm "overaroused" or tired. Then I listen to some music alone. But I don't want to be alone all the time. I actually want a lot of attention, enough "real" friends who really care about me, a girl who loves me like crazy... I don't want to be left alone for lots of days or weeks. Some hours o a couple of days as a way to relax, concentrate and stay alone might be enough for me. Then I need "company". Which I don't really have. Sigh.

 

[WelshOne]

Does anyone find this??

Yep! I want a close relationship with a girl more than anything... but every time I see a girl I find attractive, I just want to run away or hide. In fact, it's pretty much that way with any girl my age at the moment. College is going to be interesting.

 

[Outshined]

I'm an introvert with SA, but that doesn't mean I'm anti-social!! It's the painful irony of being a social phobic. Loneliness and boredom are all I know these days.

 

[AlleyCat]

I feel exactly the same way. I want desperately to get close to people, but I seem to push them away when they do. I'm just so afraid of really opening up to others and letting people really get to know me. I don't want to be alone, but I feel like it's the only way I can cope right now. If I can overcome my fears and have the loving relationship I would like with that someone special someday, I think at least I would be less likely to take that person for granted because I will always remember what it was like being without.

 

[WelshOne]

There is ways to get better at things, but no one ever does anything.

That's a bit unfair. I think many people on here are making the effort to get better. I know I am...

 

[Noca]

That's a bit unfair. I think many people on here are making the effort to get better. I know I am...

i am too ;p

 

[AlleyCat]

You guys can talk all day about what scares you, but until you take action to overcome it, it wont ever change. Any of you have any ideas on how to do this?

You just gotta go for it, expose yourself to your fears. Build a list, a heirarchy of small steps in order to accomplish the goal. There is ways to get better at things, but no one ever does anything.

I just wanted the OP to know she wasn't alone in her feelings. Sometimes it does help just to talk and know you're not alone in your struggles.

 

[Rxqueen]

No, I don't find it strange at all. We all have our days (or moments) where we prefer to be alone. But no one Prefers or ENJOYS being lonely. (There's a big difference between the two). We all crave some level of human or social interaction. It's just that our social phobia inhibits us from doing so. I understand what you mean perfectly. It's like I crave male attention all the time because I feel so lonely, but when I actually get the attention, I get scared sh**tle$$, and as a result I still end up... boyfriend-less (lol). Or, I'll want someone to befriend me. But when someone tries to be my friend, for some reason I'll start to distance myself from that person, even though a friendship is what I desperately want!

I agree completely. I crave attention and interaction, but as soon as someone notices me or tries to talk to me I freak out and try to get as far away from them as possible. It's like some kind of defense mechanism. I want to have friends or a boyfriend so much but when given the opportunity I'm so afraid of it that I back out and sabotage myself. I have real trust issues and am very afraid of people/ opening up to ppl and I really wish I could change that. I do believe that I am attempting to change, though I have to take it one step at a time...I just wish I could find friends now!!!! It's so ****ing frustrating.......