Why do so many people place us below them?

JamesSmith

Well-known member
Throughout my life I have had a few friends here and there, but something I noticed is that many people (and let me make it clear I'm not saying all people) think socially anxious people are less of a person than someone who is outgoing. Anxiety is bad luck in genetics, and we didn't choose to have the anxiety, we just have it, so why does that make people who are blessed without an anxiety disorder better than us in their eyes?
 
I " experience" anxiety and I don't see myself as a anxious person. Anxiety is not part of you.........see that's what people don't seem to get.
 

StrandedTangle

Well-known member
I don't really care what people think of me. It's my perception that matters. I don't like being ignored; as I put in an earlier posting today; but I don't feel less than anybody else.
That's their problem.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
I don't really care what people think of me. It's my perception that matters. I don't like being ignored; as I put in an earlier posting today; but I don't feel less than anybody else.
That's their problem.

Yes, I know it doesn't matter what other people think, it's just I read this post and it described what sounded like me. And then I started thinking about how I really do have less to offer to society. Because of social anxiety, I'm unemployed and don't have any friends. Most other people who don't have SAD have relationships and have a job, they are helping society. And I don't have those things, so I'm thinking maybe i am less than them.
 

Liam17

Well-known member
Cause we're different.

It's like, when you see someone dressing different, society would class them as different.

If your not with the new 'trend' or 'normal' you won't fit in.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
The following is a quote that made me stop and think:
"In fact, some don't socialize much at all because of mental issues. Lack of social skill set means lack of job opportunities and relationships."

He's right, he couldn't be more right. My whole life I've struggled to get jobs and have personal relationships, definitely less of these than the average person. I've got to tell you, I'm starting to believe that I'm lower on the society ladder and am worth less to society than average people.
 

StrandedTangle

Well-known member
Yes, I know it doesn't matter what other people think, it's just I read this post and it described what sounded like me. And then I started thinking about how I really do have less to offer to society. Because of social anxiety, I'm unemployed and don't have any friends. Most other people who don't have SAD have relationships and have a job, they are helping society. And I don't have those things, so I'm thinking maybe i am less than them.

Maybe that's why I don't seem to fit here either. I don't WANT to fit in. To be a sheep. To go along with the crowd just so maybe they will like me. I won't do it as I would be false to myself. I'd rather be different than pretend to be something I'm not. For instance ~ the bloke over the back is a real 'man's man'. He's into boating, camping, fishing barbecues etc. I am way past the point of even wanting to do anything that is just not 'me'.
I'm beginning to wonder if I do belong in this Group. No offense. So many here seem to want to change; which is a great goal for them personally.
Me ~ I accept that I have SA and now that I'm over 50 I don't think a lot is going to change. Personally I don't want a lot of change. I joined here because I hoped there would be people I could relate to. I don't seem to be doing a good job so far. Perhaps I'm EXTREMELY different?
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
But where has not fitting in gotten you? that's what I just realized tonight, is that the only thing that matters is how we feel. The way the human body and mind is designed, we aren't supposed to be loners. It doesn't feel good. It sucks being poor financially. Hey, I'm all for being honest with who we are and being original, but if I accept where I am right now, I'm going to continue to be in this same situation, alone and poor. I don't like that humans need to be around other humans and have to work to have money, but that's the way things are. I can't just keep going through the rest of my life without friends, my mind will resist and feel bad no matter what I tell myself.
 

Cynic

Well-known member
something I noticed is that many people (and let me make it clear I'm not saying all people) think socially anxious people are less of a person than someone who is outgoing.
Because some of us clearly are. Its not necesarrilly a SA thing. Some of us obviouslly are beneath normals. Maybe not all people see it that way, but most will.

I'm starting to believe that I'm lower on the society ladder and am worth less to society than average people.
Only starting to believe? I've been acutely aware of the fact all my adult life.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
Because some of us clearly are. Its not necesarrilly a SA thing. Some of us obviouslly are beneath normals. Maybe not all people see it that way, but most will.


Only starting to believe? I've been acutely aware of the fact all my adult life.


Omg, I love that cat picture. That's so cool.
 

mint

Member
It's because they define us by our quietness. To many more social people we seem weak, small, and awkward. Society views us as outcasts and loners, even if that's not who we are on the inside. I can't tell you the amount of people I've met that treat an introverted nature in itself like a problem. How many times have you been asked, "Why are you so quiet?" It's as if loud and outgoing is considered the norm, and anyone who differs from that has a problem. This is why we feel pressured to make friendly conversation with strangers even though it's uncomfortable. It's what the rest of the world considers acceptable. People with SA aren't sympathized with because others think we all want to be isolated and don't want people to talk to us because of how we behave. That may be true for some but certainly not all of us. It's like others think we bring the condition upon ourselves and should just start talking more.
Not to say that we are the only misunderstood group of people. Just as we have all been told our social fears are irrational and we only need to talk more, people with depression are told to just cheer up. People with anorexia are told to just eat. People with ADHD are told to just sit still and pay attention. The list goes on and on, but basically, many mental disorders are misunderstood because they are like the extreme version of a feeling that most people feel. What is not big deal in their eyes consumes us. They probably try to sympathize, but think we feel nervous like they do when they make a presentation in front of a group and they have overcome it. So in their mind, we should be able to as well.
Not to say that I understand or know how people think. Or that I think this applies to all people without SA. This is just my assumption based on things people have said to me and others people.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
It's not them that see us as below them, it's US that see us as below them.

Haha, I guess you don't get the insults like I get, people have called me many names: wuss, little girl, b----, p----, loser, coward, f--, and tool. If that isn't people seeing me as below them, I don't know what it is.
 

xlottiex

New member
I am actually a really nice caring person - i would do anything for anybody, im never nasty yet i feel so crap about myself and feel like everybody i meet, is higher than me, i even think it about my own brother!!! like i have to bow down to people

i really wish i could get some self worth!! but i just dont feel worthy of anybody
 

Cynic

Well-known member
Haha, I guess you don't get the insults like I get, people have called me many names: wuss, little girl, b----, p----, loser, coward, f--, and tool. If that isn't people seeing me as below them, I don't know what it is.
I think most of the advatage-taking by others is usually on a more subtle, instinctive level in that if the loud pushy ones see you as quiet and alone, they feel they can intimidate and boss you around more than they may do with others - and if you're a male and have difficulty sticking up for yourself, then it is almost unanimously accepted that you are indeed weak and therefore, the one with the problem.

Omg, I love that cat picture. That's so cool.
Wouldn't your comment would be more relevant if posted on my visitor message wall? ::p:

But yes, I do like that pic too, hence why it is me avatar - someone even did me on with a Santa Claus hat on over at SAUK a couple of Xmases back. :D
 

Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
It won't help you spending time thinking about this. Not if it will only make you feel like crap about yourself. Whether they have valid or invalid reasons to think this way, that is if they really think this way, it's not your fault and it's not your problem. If someone does deem you inferior for having a disorder, let them. It's their opinion. Allowing yourself to worry or feel bad over this only gives their opinions power.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
It won't help you spending time thinking about this. Not if it will only make you feel like crap about yourself. Whether they have valid or invalid reasons to think this way, that is if they really think this way, it's not your fault and it's not your problem. If someone does deem you inferior for having a disorder, let them. It's their opinion. Allowing yourself to worry or feel bad over this only gives their opinions power.

Yeah, I see what you mean, I'm just so sick of hearing it. Literally every time I go out to even the grocery store or liquor store, someone has to throw out some insult. I'm all for ignoring what they say, but when you hear it repetitively like i do, u can't help but notice it. I'm so tired of it. I wish I could be normal. And then I'm all alone all the time, so that doesn't help my self-esteem either. I have no one to talk about face to face about this. I've tried counseling, it didn't help. None of my friends are shy, do they don't know what I'm going through anyways.
 

Cynic

Well-known member
It's not your fault and it's not your problem. If someone does deem you inferior for having a disorder, let them. It's their opinion.
That's all well and good to say until you become the collective scapegoat, are ostracised, ganged up on, and condemned just for being you. Anything you do or say is automatically invalid just because it comes from you, and you're frequently met with scorn and aggression (often subtle, veiled, disguised) until your worthlessness becomes a fact and you're at the bottom of the pile - forever.
 

Minty

Well-known member
Because you're not useful. Only way you can be a productive member of society is by being sociable. Same reason people see pot smokers as being lower than let's say...people who drink a lot. Even though alcohol kills brain cells and is a poison, people who drink can still go to work on a regular basis. They're useful.

You can't be less of a person. No one can. I don't even know what that phrase means. You can only be a person who fits your own personal standards or not. One of the things that creates SA is having standards that are impossible to meet. We are perfectionists to the core. So, we set ourselves up for failure from the very beginning because no one can be perfect.
 
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