Why couldn't I just have said no?!?!??!

[Meggy0001]

I got asked out today and I was not interested and yet I ended up giving my number away and having a date tomorrow and this was all because of my bad communication skills. I completely lost control just like I do whenever I am in a social situation, I panicked at the fact that some stranger was right in my face and was talking to me and had no idea what I was doing and I was more focussed on the fact that I getting all shaky and really didn't want to be in that situation.

I was in town with my friend and we walk pass this guy on the phone and he stops us, at first I just thought he wanted directions or whatever but then he was like we should meet up sometime, it was a total surprise as no one ever does this to me... ever. Whenever I am in any situation where I have to talk to a stranger I start being all giggly and smiley, and I guess he took it as if I was interested :'( at first I was like no but then since I was being all giggly just made it seem like I wanted to and I really didn't and I have no idea what happened but I have a date tomorrow :/ I really do not want to go, I want to call him and say I change my mind but I can never call anyone I get so embarrassed and nervous and no way am I doing it and no way am I turning up. What should I do? If I don't turn up I will feel like such bitch and if I do I will not talk, I will be silent the whole time. I can not speak to pretty much anyone so I stay silent and it will be hell for me and for him. Please help me should I just not show up and never take his calls? But I will feel so rude and I am a really nice person and don't like doing this sort of thing. I am not ready for a relationship or dating or whatever I like being single and not having to impress anyone or having that sort of pressure.

I like it better when no one notices me :/

Oopsie this got long lol, if you actually read all this then thank you any advise will help I am having a nervous break down right now

 

[lilmutegirl]

I understand how you feel. That's pretty much how I ended up with my ex-husband.
Is this someone who is a complete stranger, whom you'll never see again if you choose not to? If he is somebody you'd have regular contact with, I'd say you should probably let him down gently, but if you don't have to see him again, it may not necessarily be a bad thing to avoid him. He sounds a little pushy anyway.
If you'd feel to guilty to just stand him up, did you get his number, so you could let him know you won't be able to go on the date? Personally, I prefer texting to calling, so maybe you'd be more comfortable doing that. Maybe just tell him that you aren't looking to date, but appreciate the offer and wish him luck in the future. I don't know...I've never been very good at letting guys down.
Do whatever feels right to you, and don't let anyone pressure you into anything you don't want to do.
Good luck!

 

[O'Killian]

I'd say the first thing to do is do your best to calm down a bit. Regardless of which option you take, I doubt the guy'll be crushed. The whole thing is evidently a misunderstanding and you haven't really done anything wrong. In the grand scheme of things this isn't that serious, so if you can convince yourself of that, hopefully you'll feel better. I'm aware that's much easier to say than do, but I think it's important.

Obviously, the 'right' thing to do would be to call and let him know you can't make it, or that there was a misunderstanding, or whatever. It doesn't sound like you think you can do that, and I know I wouldn't in the same situation.

I say stand him up. Any obligation you have to him was made under pressure, and you're clearly uncomfortable with it - ignoring him isn't nice, but it might be for the best. You should assume he'll call, and try to rehearse something about it being a misunderstanding and that you'd rather not hear from him again. Then when he calls, let him know and hope he won't be too pushy. Hopefully, you'll have practiced your explanation enough you can be a bit assertive, or at least be aware you're in control enough to hang up if he doesn't take the hint. At least this way he'll know what was up and everybody should be able to walk away satisfied.

And if he doesn't call, well, evidently he didn't care that much! Hopefully it'll all work out in the end.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

It would probably be for the best if you called him and called it off. But, if you really can't, then you should send him a text telling him that you don't want to go and explain the misunderstanding. He may get mad, he may not. If he does, then don't let it bother you. Apologize then move on.

 

[market.garden]

Do whatever feels right to you, and don't let anyone pressure you into anything you don't want to do.

^^ This!

You could just text him if you really don't feel like you can call him?

 

[Meggy0001]

I understand how you feel. That's pretty much how I ended up with my ex-husband.
Is this someone who is a complete stranger, whom you'll never see again if you choose not to? If he is somebody you'd have regular contact with, I'd say you should probably let him down gently, but if you don't have to see him again, it may not necessarily be a bad thing to avoid him. He sounds a little pushy anyway.
If you'd feel to guilty to just stand him up, did you get his number, so you could let him know you won't be able to go on the date? Personally, I prefer texting to calling, so maybe you'd be more comfortable doing that. Maybe just tell him that you aren't looking to date, but appreciate the offer and wish him luck in the future. I don't know...I've never been very good at letting guys down.
Do whatever feels right to you, and don't let anyone pressure you into anything you don't want to do.
Good luck!

Yeah he is a complete stranger. I find calling really hard but I may have to that becuase I really don't want to stand him up :/ I don't think he will like be that upset about it but when I get guilty Its really bad and it like eats at me and I can never not think about it though Thanks you

 

[Meggy0001]

^^ This!

You could just text him if you really don't feel like you can call him?

I was going to text him but my friend said that is a really horrible way of letting someone down. Also if it was me I would find it a bit low :/

 

[market.garden]

I was going to text him but my friend said that is a really horrible way of letting someone down. Also if it was me I would find it a bit low :/

I agree, I just know how hard it is to make those kind of calls. I thought it'd be at least better than just not showing up

I always found actually dialling the number the hardest part. Once the other person picks up, you're kinda forced into talking, and seeing as you're calling for a specific reason, you'll know what you gotta say. Good luck

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

If you're having a hard time trying to call him (which I know I certainly would) you do have to let him know somehow.
It would be really mean of you to not show up without any notice at all.

You could think about going with your friend and actually hanging out for awhile-- the three of you?
My first dates are never one on one. It's a safety issue. Not really a big deal as first dates tend to be quite casual anyways-- especially if it's with someone you're meeting for the first time.
And if you feel comfortable enough at any point, you can ask your friend to head out before you. Or not.

Just a suggestion.
Either that or make a phonecall.

 

[Thelema]

Texting to cancel wouldn't be rude, considering you don't even know the guy. Just ignoring him would be a lot worse.

 

[Meggy0001]

Thank u for the replies I just blocked his calls :/ I feel like crap about it but I don't know him and he will move on soon anyway. I just can't call him or answer the phone, I can't talk on there so I am just going to leave it :/

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

If you have his number, I really think you should text him. It's a one-way communication so you don't have to interact with him. Once the text is sent, that's it. You don't have to have any further contact with the guy.

This is a really good example of the whole "being nice" thing. Going on the date wouldn't be being nice, because you really don't want to do it. You'd be putting someone else's desires above your own, which isn't being nice but is simply trying to appease others. The genuinely nice thing to do in this situation is to let the guy know you really aren't interested in seeing him. Imagine if the situation was the other way around, and a guy you liked decided he didn't want to go on a date you'd arranged. Wouldn't you prefer to at least get a text telling you that, rather than just being completely ignored?

 

[Ashiene]

Never trust complete strangers who come up to you and suddenly ask you out on a date. These people are not reliable. Someone who gets interested in another person, "love at first sight", is actually only succumbing to his own physical lust. Who knows what other tricks he got up his sleeve while you go meet him the next time? Heard of "date rape"? These things happen in such situations.

 

[Thelema]

Never trust complete strangers who come up to you and suddenly ask you out on a date. These people are not reliable. Someone who gets interested in another person, "love at first sight", is actually only succumbing to his own physical lust. Who knows what other tricks he got up his sleeve while you go meet him the next time? Heard of "date rape"? These things happen in such situations.

Bringing up date rape is a little extreme.