When you've hit rock bottom

[Lou-s-Darkness]

I don't really know how to start, so bear with me...

Since January I've been feeling incredibly depressed and my anxiety is worsening. For a while I thought I was doing alright, because I was actually talking to a few classmates and they liked talking to me. So I felt like I was getting things on track. I was doing good in college I was passionate and tried my hardest not to let any negativity stain my optimism. But this winter and in this very moment I feel like everything just went downhill. Who am I kidding, no one actually talks to me out of class and everybody just leaves me...they literally act like I never existed. Like there's no evidence of me ever being alive. I want to be happy and live my dreams. I want to travel and continue studying in another country just to get ideas and get a nice education but no one supports the decisions I make.

There is constant tension between me and my mom. She hates everything I do and it makes my mood even worse. It makes me unable to continue and be productive. She's one of the main causes for my SAD/depression and I just feel like giving up. I can't even make friends on this forum. I have no friends and no family to turn to for support. I just feel so lost! It's incredibly painful and I just wish I had someone to turn to.

I hate complaining, but I had to let this out...I need to rant every once in a while or I'll lose it if I keep everything bottled up.I'm just really not feeling well...I can't stand this aching.

Thoughts/ideas?

 

[nodejesque]

Im your friend Lou...

I definitely understand how family can be stressful to deal with. Hopefully over the summer, you'll be able to relax and get away for a while. If you want to study abroad, apply and go for it.

From what I've known of you so far.. you seem like a great person. Not forgettable at all....

Sometimes it helps to take a walk outside and get lost for a while.. take a mindless walk, do something you enjoy, treat yourself to something special...

Let me know how it all goes, and if anything at all... you definitely have a friend in me

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

thanks, sometimes i just fee like I'm ignored and people will truly forget about me. It has always happened so it's hard to think positively of everyone around you when you are always used to the opposite. I really appreciate your words. Hopefully things will ease up a little.

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

It may sound horribly cliche, but truly hitting rock bottom can be a good thing. Because it can give you the drive you so desperately need to bring change to your life. At least it did so in my case.

Nothing a stranger in a forum can say will make any real difference in your life but I can assure you that every single problem in life, other than death, has a solution. It may not seem like that many times, but it's the truth. You have yourself, your mind, your hands and your dreams and it's perfectly possible for you to achieve them.

But nothing that's worth it is ever easy. True change is scary as hell but it's necessary if you want to live a good life. If people don't care about you then you need to make them care, force yourself to be more friendly or try to make yourself more appealing to others. If you fail, that's ok, just wake up the next day and try it again.

If your mother is such a negative influence then you'll need to learn the best way to deal with that. Maybe you need to appease her, ignore her or whatever.

The thing is that you can't control anyone else but you can control yourself and this is your life, you're not just a helpless victim of the circumstances, you can make changes. You just need to be strong and patient.

 

[Yarrow]

Talking to people in class is progress, especially if you're uncomfortable around people. It's not a steady circle of friends, but don't downplay the improvement that shows.

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

@Steppen-wolf

I've tried ignoring her/doing exactly what she says, taking her side, opposing her...god I've tried everything. I guess she's just one of those people who keep nagging and making fun of others. She's also super manipulative. She'll never stop and I know that, I'll just have to wait until a miracle shows.

@Yarrow

Yeah, it's only in class, we interact in no such way outside school grounds though. So I don't think they're really considered friends. Still, distractions are better than nothing.

 

[Steelsoul]

I have the same feeling. Sometimes i thought i have made improvements by talking a little bit with my friends, which made me very happy and built up my confidence. But the next day i would get downed in depression. It feels like all achievements i had gained was gone, and i didn't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I thought that i didn't exist in their life and maybe they wouldn't even care if i suddenly disappeared.

It's SA that made us like this. But don't worry, you have a lot of friends on this forum who understand how you feel and listen to you when you have problems.

 

[Diend]

I think we all know how extraversion is really emphasized in america but after reading a self help book on networking, i learned to just "be yourself". It was very liberating to know that i could just be my quiet cautious self. Dont force things mate.

 

[Michellebelle]

One thing you need to know, is, it always gets better always. Anytime something bad happens it gets better, so the silver lining is out there.

You have to grow a backbone and walk away from your mom. I've done this several times in my life. She hates me for being born, i get tired of hearing everything i do is wrong. Im a professional women, my mother does not want to work. Im a single mother, she is not, i (and my sister) agreed to raise our children different then the way she raised us....

My point, when i lived 1000 miles from her i was happy having my own life. When i moved closer to her due to a crisis i was having with my ex, i made it work. I don't contact her. I use my dad as a go between. This is actually what her therapist recommended. I am the adult, i make my own choices, my mother gets no say...she tries acting dramatic and traumatized by things i do, choices i make. But to me in my,life these are things i want. If you want to travel then you better damn well go!! You'll regret the experience....who cares if your mom doesn't want you going, you're not her, you're allowed to be your own personal, even if she can't accept it.

 

[desperatehousewife]

I don't really know how to start, so bear with me...

Since January I've been feeling incredibly depressed and my anxiety is worsening. For a while I thought I was doing alright, because I was actually talking to a few classmates and they liked talking to me. So I felt like I was getting things on track. I was doing good in college I was passionate and tried my hardest not to let any negativity stain my optimism. But this winter and in this very moment I feel like everything just went downhill. Who am I kidding, no one actually talks to me out of class and everybody just leaves me...they literally act like I never existed. Like there's no evidence of me ever being alive. I want to be happy and live my dreams. I want to travel and continue studying in another country just to get ideas and get a nice education but no one supports the decisions I make.

There is constant tension between me and my mom. She hates everything I do and it makes my mood even worse. It makes me unable to continue and be productive. She's one of the main causes for my SAD/depression and I just feel like giving up. I can't even make friends on this forum. I have no friends and no family to turn to for support. I just feel so lost! It's incredibly painful and I just wish I had someone to turn to.

I hate complaining, but I had to let this out...I need to rant every once in a while or I'll lose it if I keep everything bottled up.I'm just really not feeling well...I can't stand this aching.

Thoughts/ideas?

whenever ı feel that way, ı go to god, tell my problems to him, sometimes cry to him

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

Thank you everyone. I know that I need to start being more independent and get away from the source of my problems. It's not easy with SP...and it pisses me off because I don't really know how everything outside of home works...I was so used to my parents doing everything for me since I was little, and that in turn enhanced my SP as I got older, since I'm not trying hard enough to face my fears.

She's very overprotective, which is why I wasn't able to interact with the outside world much.

I want to travel and experience things, although it'll be extremely hard on my own..it's a dream I'm not letting go.