When You Get What You Want Do You Know What To Do With It?

[206Raider]

I'm just gonna say it like this, whenever I get relationships, attention, or a job.....I honestly don't know how to handle it anymore. I'm on my own a lot although people don't understand cause they think I'm so normal and attractive that I shouldn't be that when I get the attention I crave for I get freaked out and want to be alone. Basically like, why would you want to be around me? I cannot entertain you. When I get into a relationship it's especially bad, although its rare, when girls find any interest in me at all I get overwhelmed, it's what I want so bad...to be the great person that can be a perfect boyfriend I can be but when I have a chance, my brain goes "you're not ready, you will screw this up" and I do, I just retreat, get worse than I normally would and try to be whatever they want me to be. I know that is wrong and we should always be ourselves but I don't have a clue who I am, I've been on my own for awhile and I'm only 21. Am I the only person who feels this way and gets worse feelings when they actually get what they think they want?

 

[zav943]

I like to think that I'm a very determined person, so if I set my sights on something, I will usually accomplish it.


HOWEVER, if accomplishing this thing depends on other people making a judgment about me (like, say, 'winning' a girl, getting a raise, a second interview or even making friends, I'm usually in psychological shock when it happens, because I'm not really used to people accepting me. I'm that guy who some people plain don't like for no reason! (even if I've barely talked to them!)...

I takes me a while to recover from that shock, and usually my negative mentality will kick in by saying: you didn't win this girl/get this job because you're special...there was just no one else around and they're desperate for someone....but that eventually blows over. In some cases, however, it doesn't, and like you said, I can't enjoy my success because I just find it too hard to believe...

...man people are cruel...I never thought I'd ever develop such a distrustful mentality

 

[206Raider]

Yeah I can't really trust myself, all my self conscious does is lie to me.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

it sounds like it's mostly an insecurity thing? you get afraid you won't amount to what you wish you could... all you can do is 'be yourself', and i know you say don't know who that is yet, but you have to go through things failing, or working out or whatever the case for you to figure out who you really are. just ride the coaster, let things happen, make your mistakes and learn from them... you'll figure it all out in due time

 

[fitftw]

So you don't think you are ready to be a boyfriend, that's fine. What if you were broke and needed a job and got the job and started making money. Would your brain say you're not ready for that?

You might just have a problem of self-worth. It's part of SAD.

 

[staticreflex]

I'm just gonna say it like this, whenever I get relationships, attention, or a job.....I honestly don't know how to handle it anymore. I'm on my own a lot although people don't understand cause they think I'm so normal and attractive that I shouldn't be that when I get the attention I crave for I get freaked out and want to be alone. Basically like, why would you want to be around me? I cannot entertain you. When I get into a relationship it's especially bad, although its rare, when girls find any interest in me at all I get overwhelmed, it's what I want so bad...to be the great person that can be a perfect boyfriend I can be but when I have a chance, my brain goes "you're not ready, you will screw this up" and I do, I just retreat, get worse than I normally would and try to be whatever they want me to be. I know that is wrong and we should always be ourselves but I don't have a clue who I am, I've been on my own for awhile and I'm only 21. Am I the only person who feels this way and gets worse feelings when they actually get what they think they want?

the big secret is that many (probably most) people aren't perfectly ready and do screw things up in relationships because they are something u learn by getting out and doing. One of the biggest, most helpful lessons I learned is that most people are really cool and actually forgive you for or just ignore your screw ups (unless they are very judgmental like my parents in which case you really don't want to be around them anyway.) Also, in my limited experience, women are especially forgiving and understanding about these things. I have made many serious gaffs which I thought were life ending, but which other people just blew off and I ended up being friends with a lot of them.

I takes me a while to recover from that shock, and usually my negative mentality will kick in by saying: you didn't win this girl/get this job because you're special...there was just no one else around and they're desperate for someone....but that eventually blows over. In some cases, however, it doesn't, and like you said, I can't enjoy my success because I just find it too hard to believe...

lol, i'm glad someone articulated this, i feel like this a lot

 

[206Raider]

Thank you all for the input, I gotta lotta work to accomplish. It's also funny I don't like to admit that I'm insecure even on the internet and especially in real life I act like nothing bothers me and I don't care about people or things when I really do becuase I guess I truly am afraid to step outta this shell