When people notice/observe your nervousness

[lonerism]

Hi,

I suppose that many of you here have found yourselves in situations where you could easily pick up on the fact that others were observing your nervousness/anxiety. I know for myself, one of the main (and most easily-described) ways that others have let me know that they were "on to me", so to speak - is by focusing their gaze on my hands. During many social interactions/exposures -my hands tend to be tensed-up, or otherwise awkward-looking, I guess. I have absolutely hated when people seem to brazenly gaze at them.

From an emotional standpoint - my distress over people's seeming to make it a point to observe the various signs of my anxiety has often been worse than the anxiety itself.

What's worse - there have been many occasions when people seemed to be taking some kind of satisfaction from my nervousness. For example - people have seemed to look at my hands with some smug, almost-gleeful expression on their faces. I know some of you may think I'm just being paranoid when I say this - but I'm pretty sure there is some validity to my perceptions. Sometimes, people enjoy seeing me sweat, it seems.

Have you ever gotten the impression that others were taking satisfaction (however "slight" that satisfaction was) in watching you struggle with anxiety? Have you ever gotten that vibe from someone that they liked "seeing you sweat"? If so, why do you think you provoked this "sadistic" reaction from them? Is it simply that people are cruel and inconsiderate, or could there be other factors at play?

I appreciate any responses - although please don't take it personally if I don't reply back. I've been dealing with a lot of cognitive/mental/emotional difficulties that have put a serious wrench in my communication efforts.

 

[Kiwong]

Yes, people have made fun of it. They have laughed at me, called me names, made smart comments about it.

So many people jump to conclusions about my anxiety and I wonder who has the dysfunctional thinking problems me or them.

 

[deleted user 1]

I often get this very analytical look from people. As though they are merely observing me rather than listening to me. It cuts me right down. Many years ago I was even told that I show "signs of nerves". Apparantly that was supposed to be helpful advice, I didn't find being thrown under the spotlight very helpful, lol. I don't have anxiety about people watching my hands, but I have this annoying habbit of always covering my mouth. I don't even understand where this came from, it's completely irrational! @_@

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

It's happened that people experienced satisfaction over seeing me nervous, but I think that for the most part people seem curious as to why I'm nervous. I had a guy at work fix his gaze on me and it made me very uncomfortable. All I can say is the guy either didn't realize that he his fixed gaze was making me uncomfortable or he didn't care. Every now and then (not common) I come across a person who can tell that I'm nervous and they make an effort to ease my discomfort by joking about or simply not staring.

 

[Phoenixx]

I often get this very analytical look from people. As though they are merely observing me rather than listening to me. It cuts me right down.

^ This definitely. I hate it too. Just last week I had this interview for some honor's thing. Three people interviewed me at the same time (Why, I have no idea. I thought one could just do the job) and as I was talking, it seemed like they were all just observing me rather than listening to me. And as I notice that it only makes me even more nervous. Yeah, I thought the interview sucked. ::

 

[deleted user 1]

^ This definitely. I hate it too. Just last week I had this interview for some honor's thing. Three people interviewed me at the same time (Why, I have no idea. I thought one could just do the job) and as I was talking, it seemed like they were all just observing me rather than listening to me. And as I notice that it only makes me even more nervous. Yeah, I thought the interview sucked. ::

Speaking of interviews. For one company I applied for, I had a surprise group interview. Not good. I was actually quite annoyed as well as having a meltdown. But three interviewers to you? That's quite rough.

 

[Phoenixx]

Speaking of interviews. For one company I applied for, I had a surprise group interview. Not good. I was actually quite annoyed as well as having a meltdown. But three interviewers to you? That's quite rough.

^ I couldn't imagine going through a group interview. Sounds scary. And yeah, it was a pretty horrible experience to me. I thought I did awful.

 

[Acegame]

I often get this very analytical look from people. As though they are merely observing me rather than listening to me. It cuts me right down. Many years ago I was even told that I show "signs of nerves". Apparantly that was supposed to be helpful advice, I didn't find being thrown under the spotlight very helpful, lol. I don't have anxiety about people watching my hands, but I have this annoying habbit of always covering my mouth. I don't even understand where this came from, it's completely irrational! @_@

It's insane how everything about this post can be applied to me! The thing you speak of how people analyze you instead of just listening is so annoying. It makes me feel so small and concious about every move i make. For example at work while having lunch with a group of people, when someone is telling a story to the group and i turn my head, i often see people watching me instead of the person who is talking.

Also someone told me once that i looked very nervous. This was during an assertivity therapy session. Before that i still was under the impression that even when i felt nervous people maybe didn't notice it, but since this guy said it im very concious about the fact that people do see it.

And even the thing about your mouth counts for me as well. Its not so much that i try to cover it, but i feel my tension is most visible in the area of my mouth.

Although a few weeks back my therapist asked me why its a problem when people notice my nerves. I found this question very hard to anwer...

 

[Beatrice]

Ugh, this makes me so angry. I have had people look at me like I'm a child - that pitying, amused look - because I look young and have a "little" voice. And I know some people call everyone sweetie, but I swear, wherever I go I get called that!

On a separate but sort of related note, because I look young people often think I'm 12 without makeup (I know, sad. I hate it. Yeah, it'll be great when I'm older, but this is now. Anyway.). I occasionally get handed the children's menu at restaurants (yeah yeah, laugh it up ). So one time, I had just HAD it. I was so fed up. I went to a restaurant with my grandfather and the waitress handed me a cutesie little kid's menu when I sat down, with pictures to color on, and walked away. I saw what she gave me and when she came back I snapped, "Excuse me, can I have a regular menu please?" She laughed and said sarcastically, "Oh-HO, how dare I give you the kids' menu, right? haha" I said pretty tersely, "ACTUALLY, I'm 20." She could tell I was offended and said, "Oh, well I would never have guessed!" And gave me a regular menu.

I know it isn't HER fault I appear young to her, but sometimes it just grates on my nerves. It offends me. No young woman in her 20's wants to hear she looks 12. Thank god for makeup.

Anyway, rant over. Back to the topic at hand.....

 

[Beatrice]

Well that is quite funny.

Thank you, Tino I appreciate the support -.-

I'm going to go cry now.

 

[Miss Magnolia :)]

YES. I actually just finished giving a presentation of a research paper in my human sexuality class and had to face all the pitiful looks from my classmates. It's like you can tell they're so uncomfortable having to listen to such an awkward presentation which just makes you more uncomfortable and terrified. After fleeing the classroom fighting back tears I was left feeling so frustrated that I wasn't able to communicate all my hard work and just say what I wanted to say. That's the worst part I think. Just knowing that you have so much to say and so much to offer but that you're trapped in a body that doesn't allow you to share any of it with anyone. And the only impression people get of me is based on these painfully awkward presentations since I don't have the guts to talk to anyone in class. :-/

 

[nightcrawler]

YES. I actually just finished giving a presentation of a research paper in my human sexuality class and had to face all the pitiful looks from my classmates. It's like you can tell they're so uncomfortable having to listen to such an awkward presentation which just makes you more uncomfortable and terrified. After fleeing the classroom fighting back tears I was left feeling so frustrated that I wasn't able to communicate all my hard work and just say what I wanted to say. That's the worst part I think. Just knowing that you have so much to say and so much to offer but that you're trapped in a body that doesn't allow you to share any of it with anyone. And the only impression people get of me is based on these painfully awkward presentations since I don't have the guts to talk to anyone in class. :-/

I soooooooooo agree with this line (in bold). I really feel for you. Speaking in front of an audience/crowd is probably my No.1 fear, so kudos to you for actually doing it. It's a vicious circle - you already feel uncomfortable but when you see that others also notice it then it just makes you even worse...been there done that! :: I hate it because I can go bright red quite easily which even in a one-on-one situation can make the other person feel awkward, and I can see their eyes start to wander to my (red) cheeks, which makes me go even redder ::

 

[kerunia]

^ This definitely. I hate it too. Just last week I had this interview for some honor's thing. Three people interviewed me at the same time (Why, I have no idea. I thought one could just do the job) and as I was talking, it seemed like they were all just observing me rather than listening to me. And as I notice that it only makes me even more nervous. Yeah, I thought the interview sucked. ::

Omg 3 interviewers!! Once,I had two people interviewing me. Im already nervous to interview; but having two pairs of eyes witnessing my nervousness is beyond stressful. All I could think of was:When is this going to end and then after imagine them commenting about how weird I was.

 

[BlueDays]

Seeing people's bewilderment or pity towards your obvious nervous behaviour just makes me even more nervous and contributes to making my mind/speech freeze up even more :/
One man at a function for a course I was doing (I had never seen him before) actually asked me "Do I make you nervous"? I just stared at him speechless for a few seconds and then mumbled in a barely audible voice "no". Luckily he didn't comment any further. I would have fainted if he did!

 

[Phoenixx]

Omg 3 interviewers!! Once,I had two people interviewing me. Im already nervous to interview; but having two pairs of eyes witnessing my nervousness is beyond stressful. All I could think of was:When is this going to end and then after imagine them commenting about how weird I was.

^ Yeah, that's basically all I thought too during the interview.