When others minimize your "small victories" over SA

[anxiousnut]

My family really gets me down. They don't understand how much i'm held back by my anxiety. It takes so much effort for me to do anything, especially when it comes to getting and keeping a job. So they don't understand why I have been unemployed for two years after college.

I made the mistake of signing up to be a substitute teacher. The first time a subbed I was a nervous wreck, but I did it. But every time they call in the morning, I get so panicky I end up turning the job down. In the last 3 months, I've probably only worked 8 days. I have serious phobia about working, anywhere. Elementary school is expecially terrifying because my first and only experience was HORRIBLE. It was my worst nightmare. So when they called me yesterday morning for Elem. School, I turned it down. My mom heard the call and knew. Then, later in the day, they called me to be an instructional aide for the mentally disabled kids. I accepted and I felt really proud of myself! I felt so good that I actually had a job lined up. Like, hey, even though I turned down the other job, I got a different assignment that I'm more comfortable with. I wouldn't have gotten that call if I had taken the other assignment.

Well, when my mom got home I excitedly told her, and there was nothing but negativity. "Well, that's fine, but why did you turn down the other job? You need to do something. You need to take all those calls, because these days of just doing nothing are done. Blah, blah. " Not a single, "Oh, that sounds cool" just automatically negative. Now I feel so upset and defeated.

Anyone else had an experience like this?

 

[Blaze]

Sorry to hear your mother downplaying your success. My family doesn't understand my anxieties either, and my father makes it especially hard on me.

Anyway congrats on accepting that job. Mentally challenged people don't have enough people out there helping them. Most people's attitudes are negative towards them and I feel they especially need that extra attention. I'm proud of you taking it, keep it up!

 

[Taciturn]

Firstly, congrats on being able to accept the job. Non SA-sufferers will never understand the effort it takes for an SA-sufferer to do something like that. But as long as you understand yourself that you have made a big step, that's the important thing. I've recently learnt this. Perhaps you want to tell your mother your situation so she is aware of you struggle?

Last week, I came from some stupid social event I had to go to with my family. They started questioning me about why I wasn't speaking to anyone or trying to look happy or fit in. They didn't really care that it was an effort for me to just go there in the first place. It's so frustrating so I'm sorry you went through it.

 

[Kiwong]

You know what? I reckon others that are negative can get effed. I know it is easier said than done.

My victories are my own and I will savour them.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

It would piss me off, and that's why I don't share most of my victories with anyone. I might here and there, but only so much. But what almost drove me to tears today was when someone told me I did a good job. I don't think I did a good job and I feel that the person was just telling me that precisely because I didn't feel proud of my performance. I do not like being pitied, I don't like people BSing me. Especially if they're BSing me out of pity. I suppose that if I don't see the good then I automatically think that no one else can and when others point out something positive then I tend to suspect that they're lying.

 

[Falkor]

I can relate to this. But mostly it's with my dad. When I tell him I did something really good, he never really expresses positive comments to me, he never acts suprised or really happy to me. I dunno, he doesn't have that enthousiasm.But my mom does, she can act like that, but sometimes she doesn't.

Sometimes, people are forced to only look at the negative aspects of what you did, but hey, isn't that something we are doing all the time too?
But I know they are Buzzing about that, and it hurts when people tell you that.The difference is, they tell you , you done something wrong.
You worry about your own, difficulties. So, they don't really have to tell you that.

You need it extra, the positive happiness about accomplishment of small victories, we need that, but what we need to learn, is celebrating the small victory even bigger for yourself. Don't listen to what they say, Just keep on mind, I did it!! I'm strong, because someone with SA is very brave to do this!
But I know, our fear is about people, and when people show rejection, negative signals, words, judgement, you feel all wrong again.

But, it's great that you have accepted the job and maybe your mom wants to see it, when you would really be there, doing that thing, she would say like, hey you're actually facing it! But that's just my thought :3
Because my dad is someone like sayin' "I only believe it, when I see it with my own eyes''. So We should fight hard to show them :/.

Good luck to you all

 

[StandingJelly]

Woot!! Congratz!

For some reason I'm really excited for you, and I don't really care what your mom thinks Thanks for sharing the news

Sorry if I'm being unthoughtful to your actual topic just then :S But means you gotta try even harder towards YOUR goals to impress her

 

[anxiousnut]

Thanks for the words of advice and for the positive comments!! I really needed that. Nice to have people who actually understand be happy for me!

 

[scoobycrawler]

I don't really ever do anything good and I just mooch and take and time to get a job I am like hell no because I can't see the rainbow, only the rain and thats what it feels like too. I don't feel appreciated for all the hardwork that I have done and even threatened if I am not willing to go the extra 110% for anyone and I just think that even though I am only 26 years old that I would rather starve to death on the streets with my nuts wiener haning out that work another job in my life cause **** that I don't owe anyone anything and I don't give a ****, **** ITT