I don't know who I'm supposed to be. I feel like I have no purpose or identity, I'm no one..
Caught in between what I feel I should be and what others think I should be, I can't find middle ground.
I have always craved for my life to have some meaning, some purpose, but it has none. No wonder so many men commit suicide.
I am truly lost, never to find my way home.
The fact that you can express this in introspection of where you currently stand in life, to me is a sign of healthy self awareness.
I am not sure how to properly express my thoughts sometimes, and this is one of them.. But i will try.
I've come to realize that perhaps we are not broken, strange or outcasts, but instead afflicted with uncertainty and negative self perception. This does not negate that we do struggle with serious issues such as depression, however... It's not our natural state.
I've often struggled with relatability and wanting to "get better". Be more social, try harder... Push myself to develop relationships based on subjects that may not particularly interest me... But hey, for the sake of making friends... It's acceptable.
But why? The question is not about finding how to fit in, it's about being OK with not caring.
I know this sounds cliché, and I don't mean to be captain obvious, but what has really helped me is the realization that I can't live my life based on what others expect of me. I still struggle with anxiety and depression, but I deal with it and face it on my terms. Not on whats expected of me. And yes, I have days where I am extremely low... But they are not as often as they once were.
And this is why I don't think these communities are unhealthy. Because for me, I can say that relationships with people whom I can relate with (even from afar) allow me to accept that it's not that I'm strange or not enough. It's just that we are a quieter bunch. No less important, no more afflicted, just not as loud.
Anyway, sorry for the rambling.
LOL
