When I'm down.. (Not for the squeamish)
- Thread starter PugofCrydee
- Start date
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
My friend used to call me Boromir. Which is cool, but also really friggin' tragic.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
How long how long will I slide...
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I was lightning, before the thunder
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I think most people on here are a lot stronger than me. I'm struggling big time again. (Even here in my own thread, I feel I'm intruding).
Wtf is wrong inside of me...
Last night I should have been watching the AFL grand final, I was invited by a work mate to go watch it with him.
Instead, at 9:30pm I was walking in the bitter cold around a reserve in the pitch black..wanting to end. Im buying things for certain people to remember me by, and I'm settling on funeral songs. I'm trying so hard to get back on an even keel.. I guess at least people won't have to listen to my bs.
I have no purpose, I'm useless, and pathetic. I'm a fool. Too little too late.
Wtf is wrong inside of me...
Last night I should have been watching the AFL grand final, I was invited by a work mate to go watch it with him.
Instead, at 9:30pm I was walking in the bitter cold around a reserve in the pitch black..wanting to end. Im buying things for certain people to remember me by, and I'm settling on funeral songs. I'm trying so hard to get back on an even keel.. I guess at least people won't have to listen to my bs.
I have no purpose, I'm useless, and pathetic. I'm a fool. Too little too late.
SoScared
Well-known member
This is such a tough one. Years upon years of trying. You see in the current posters. But we keep going, it's tough but that's what we do.
I've read some of your posts recently. You're a fun loving dude with a keen eye. Do you ever PM any of the regulars here? Might be an idea.
LoyalXenite
Well-known member
LoyalXenite
Well-known member
LoyalXenite
Well-known member
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Guys, I'd just like to apologize for rambling on Sunday.. I just have no other place to speak my mind.. that's why I'm confining it to my thread.
Sometimes I just need to express how I'm feeling..
I went to see my GP and he gave me some Axit. I asked him is it a sleeping tablet? Will it make me sleepy? Because if that's what it is I don't want it. He said it's used to treat major depression and may make me a bit drowsy. So I took one yesterday evening and it felt just like a sleeper.
So today I feel like a zombie, which is what I didn't want to feel like. I also feel sort of.. grayed out.. or emotionally absent. I knew this would happen. The problem with feeling like this is, the emotional restraint (the things/reasons that stop me from opting out) doesn't feel like it's there anymore. It's like the 'handbrake' has been released. I know that's a real danger for me personally. I think I'd rather feel some pain than nothing at all. I know it usually takes time for medications to get into your system and work, but I've always been extremely sensitive to any medications. So I just threw the Axit out.
On the upside, life has thrown me a possible lifeline. A 'life buoy'.. I was on the net and in the news there was a story about 2 ex army guys who've become qualified psychologist's. They both battled their own depressions, suicidal thought's etc. Their business is for men only. This appeals to me, because I truly believe only another man can understand a mans anger and depression etc.
I'm not saying there are no good female mental health professionals out there, but it's like a man saying to a woman 'oh yea, period pain, I KNOW what you mean...' when clearly we as men can only empathize.
Anyway, I hope you good people here (whom I almost consider like family in a strange way) can forgive me when I do express my pain/thought's etc.
Sometimes I just need to express how I'm feeling..
I went to see my GP and he gave me some Axit. I asked him is it a sleeping tablet? Will it make me sleepy? Because if that's what it is I don't want it. He said it's used to treat major depression and may make me a bit drowsy. So I took one yesterday evening and it felt just like a sleeper.
So today I feel like a zombie, which is what I didn't want to feel like. I also feel sort of.. grayed out.. or emotionally absent. I knew this would happen. The problem with feeling like this is, the emotional restraint (the things/reasons that stop me from opting out) doesn't feel like it's there anymore. It's like the 'handbrake' has been released. I know that's a real danger for me personally. I think I'd rather feel some pain than nothing at all. I know it usually takes time for medications to get into your system and work, but I've always been extremely sensitive to any medications. So I just threw the Axit out.
On the upside, life has thrown me a possible lifeline. A 'life buoy'.. I was on the net and in the news there was a story about 2 ex army guys who've become qualified psychologist's. They both battled their own depressions, suicidal thought's etc. Their business is for men only. This appeals to me, because I truly believe only another man can understand a mans anger and depression etc.
I'm not saying there are no good female mental health professionals out there, but it's like a man saying to a woman 'oh yea, period pain, I KNOW what you mean...' when clearly we as men can only empathize.
Anyway, I hope you good people here (whom I almost consider like family in a strange way) can forgive me when I do express my pain/thought's etc.
theoutsider
Well-known member
This is my first time writing in this post but just want to say, I believe listening to each others rants and ramblings when we're feeling down is one of the special things about this forum. It's what keeps me coming back. IMO, this is something you don't get in most forums on the internet, including other SA sites. There's no need for apologies, if you can't express your feelings here, then I don't know where else you can (online).
I wish you the best of luck in looking into this new alley of treatment with and glad you threw the Axit out. That stuff sounds kind of unhealthy and possibly addictive would you have chosen to continue with it. Just my .02 cents worth.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Thanks mate, I really appreciate your thoughts.
Miserum
Well-known member
I mean, that's what I've been using this forum for mainly. Perhaps I've been abusing my privilege with my walls of text.
Anyway, don't be squeamish about posting about being down. There's something wonderful about venting. Post awwwwwway.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Thanks brother, you're an absolute champion <3I mean, that's what I've been using this forum for mainly. Perhaps I've been abusing my privilege with my walls of text.
Anyway, don't be squeamish about posting about being down. There's something wonderful about venting. Post awwwwwway.