I honestly don't know, maybe if I had a terminal illness I'd be a better person and sort of appreciate more what time I had left, does that make sense?
Also, this is probably going to sound really stupid, but I think I'd have a more "valid" reason to feel sorry for myself and have an "excuse" not to have friends, relationships work etc, part of why I feel so pathetic is because I should have these things but i don't. I'm sorry if this makes no sense it's sort of difficult for me to put into words.
Plus I think I'd rather know when I die than not knowing