What worries me about making friends...

Luke1993

Well-known member
Is them finding out I have no friends! You see from what I understand, people have their established group and then meet people through their people gaining their network of friends. But how do I get friends from nothing?

I made no friends at school so I cannot meet people through people. I like the idea of going to clubs to meet people of similar interests, but what should I choose? I don't have any particular preferences for anything. And if I met people there would I really make true friends with them? I can't see it going past the "acquaintance" stage... and if they find out I have no friends they will think something's up (it is lol).

Is anyone in this situation? No friends and no connections to make friends? What should I do?
 

Toomuchfear

Well-known member
I know how you feel. I myself worry people may think I'm an unpopular loser...and think 'wow he has no friends, why should I hang around with him if no-one else does?'

Maybe (if there is one) find a club for shy people...that way you'll know you'll have something to talk about.
 

megalon

Well-known member
Is them finding out I have no friends! You see from what I understand, people have their established group and then meet people through their people gaining their network of friends. But how do I get friends from nothing?

I made no friends at school so I cannot meet people through people. I like the idea of going to clubs to meet people of similar interests, but what should I choose? I don't have any particular preferences for anything. And if I met people there would I really make true friends with them? I can't see it going past the "acquaintance" stage... and if they find out I have no friends they will think something's up (it is lol).

Is anyone in this situation? No friends and no connections to make friends? What should I do?

I totally relate to everything you said. I do have interests and go places where there are other people who care about the same things, but, like you said, they're only ever acquaintances at best.
 
I'm in the exact same position as you. I want to make friends cause I have none, not even one, and in order to make friends you need to go out and meet new people, when you have no one to go out with you it's difficult. Who wants to go out alone to some club/bar looking like a total loner?
It's so embarassing and sad. A colleague was chatting to me and asked me 'Don't you go out drinking on the town? What do you do on weekends?' ..What are you meant to say to them? That you're a billy-no-mates who doesn't leave the house cause of what other people have put you through.
I hate the fact that this still affects me nearly 10 years on, all the people who made my life hell at school all have good lives, with kids and are either engaged or married and I'm stuck in a rut, too afraid to venture out of my own home. I don't think they even care, or are aware of what they did and how if has tooken over my life. I wish I could restart my life from scratch knowing what I now know, I would do everything differently...:(
 

bangdrum

Active member
Me too. (To everything already said.)

The difference between a friend and an acquaintance, for me anyway, is that a friend is someone you have an emotional connection with, while an acquaintance you just have similar interests or careers or something. I have a supposed "friend" that I go out with, where she makes all the decisions even if I try to suggest things, who I really can't stand, who doesn't really care about me as a person, and who I really have nothing in common with. I only go out with her because I feel like it's better than being alone. I wouldn't call her a "friend," really an acquaintance. I know her from college. We never talk about anything meaningful, she's manipulative, and if I could suddenly make real friends, it wouldn't bother me if I never saw her again.

But anyway, yeah, I'm always worried that people will expect to hear about things I've done with my "friends" or how I love to "hang out with friends" or whatever.
 

Vampayah88

Well-known member
Tell me about it. I lie all the time about "going out with some friends" . Yeah, pathetic. I only have one friend and not even he knows I have noone else, he'd probably think I'm a freak loser if he knew..
 

Luke1993

Well-known member
I know how you feel. I myself worry people may think I'm an unpopular loser...and think 'wow he has no friends, why should I hang around with him if no-one else does?'

Maybe (if there is one) find a club for shy people...that way you'll know you'll have something to talk about.

Ever looked for a local SA support group? This may be a way to start. Maybe they would share some other interests and you could branch out from there.

Well I've been looking around for that for quite a while, the only ones I can really find are ones in London which is a few counties away from me but I do want to go to one someday hopefully this summer!

The best friends are ones that have only a few close friends, as they'll be able to give you the care you need. So, people might actually LIKE the fact you don't have other friends, you never know :)

Yes I suppose moderation is key like anything. And you really think people would prefer someone with no friends? haha I doubt it, though I guess they would have me all to themselves lol

I totally relate to everything you said. I do have interests and go places where there are other people who care about the same things, but, like you said, they're only ever acquaintances at best.

Well I don't know if this would actually happen to me since I've no practical experience it was just what I assumed.


what is your definition of a "friend"?

how does that differ from an "acquaintance"?

what exactly is it that you expect from friendship?

is that a realistic expectation?

this is an interesting read: Friendship - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Well I think the first paragraph of that article shows the difference. What the definition actually is depends on the person. I would say the difference is that an acquaintance you know each other but not that well, for example they would not know your address or see you outside of where you know them So an acquaintance I meet at a club, I would never see them outside of that club. Whereas a friend I would meet them and we would know each other much better. I know I'm generalising a bit but if I wasn't I'd have to write ten times this! :D

I don't know if my expectations from friendship are realistic, all I want really is someone to talk to and get along with and do stuff with occasionally.
 

HeadFace

Well-known member
Is them finding out I have no friends! You see from what I understand, people have their established group and then meet people through their people gaining their network of friends. But how do I get friends from nothing?

I made no friends at school so I cannot meet people through people. I like the idea of going to clubs to meet people of similar interests, but what should I choose? I don't have any particular preferences for anything. And if I met people there would I really make true friends with them? I can't see it going past the "acquaintance" stage... and if they find out I have no friends they will think something's up (it is lol).

Is anyone in this situation? No friends and no connections to make friends? What should I do?
I remember I posted a thread similiar to this a while ago. It was that I was scared that my friends would be turned off that I have no other friends besides them.
I'm kind of in the same situation as you. I have... A couple friends, but I'm not a fan of their taste in people :p
What I'm thinking is that you should take the leap of faith and start greeting people first. Clubs definetly sounds like something to start with. Since usually noone in them is left out, you would probably meet at least one person who isnt scared to befriend you.
 

Jackass

Member
People no straight away I have know friends, I don't know how they know but they sus me out straight away. There's somthing wrong with me that's obvious to everyone else but I can't see it.
 
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