I wish I had your communication skills. You speak very well. I gues most people do. Mine are lame.
What triggered the onset of your SA? Or have you always had it?
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I wish I had your communication skills. You speak very well. I gues most people do. Mine are lame.
InvisaLady
Well-known member
2 words sixth grade.
before then I was just shy but once in sixth grade the **** hit the fan. I started getting bullied every day, had no friends ,nearly in physical fights to get a seat at the "good table" for lunch and the schools social worker started to harass me (she was a closet lesbian and would take any little sign of someone having a issue off the deep end) Example, I did not want to talk to her and never spoke in school so to her that meant I was clinically depressed, needed to be on ritalin (i was the calmest kid in that school) and needed to see a psychiatrist.
So after all of that my giant a-hole of a grandmother(may she rot in hell) moved in with us making matters 100 times worse.
before then I was just shy but once in sixth grade the **** hit the fan. I started getting bullied every day, had no friends ,nearly in physical fights to get a seat at the "good table" for lunch and the schools social worker started to harass me (she was a closet lesbian and would take any little sign of someone having a issue off the deep end) Example, I did not want to talk to her and never spoke in school so to her that meant I was clinically depressed, needed to be on ritalin (i was the calmest kid in that school) and needed to see a psychiatrist.
So after all of that my giant a-hole of a grandmother(may she rot in hell) moved in with us making matters 100 times worse.
Why would you pat abully and say "everything gonna be OK?"
Did I miss something? If someone was bullying me, I don't think I would do that, but I would try to reason with them, understand them.
InvisaLady
Well-known member
I'm glad that worked for you but mine was mean just for the sake of being mean and making his best freinds laugh.
After all everyone knows its OK to pick on the fat girl, even the teachers let him get away with it when he did it right in front of them.
That little bastard forced me to drop out after that year.
After all everyone knows its OK to pick on the fat girl, even the teachers let him get away with it when he did it right in front of them.
That little bastard forced me to drop out after that year.
Bustn Justin
Well-known member
Man I agre with you.
Bustn Justin
Well-known member
We are on the same level my man.
WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
Physical assault.
I was never a shy kid- so I suppose fear of people must have been something I grew into after being assaulted so much.
I was never a shy kid- so I suppose fear of people must have been something I grew into after being assaulted so much.
Facethefear
Well-known member
It is mind opening to ponder this question. Everything was fine until puberty. Before that I was a androginous(sp) looking brainy girl with a boys name and then my body started popping out until there was no doubt I was female. People looked at me differently and made unwelcome comments about my appearance that caused me anxiety. My family moved and I was to be enrolled in a different school starting in September and dreaded it but I was told that was just silliness. I hoped I could enter the class, choose a desk at the back and gradually fit in like the new kids did in my old school. I didn't want to be centred out and my mother assured me that would NOT happen.
The first day of school, I was kept in the hallway as all the other students entered the classroom and picked their desks and minutes later the teacher motioned for me to walk in and stand beside her as 30 pairs of eyes looked me over. I must have looked terrified standing out there with me eyes pleading HELP ME and worse when I became the centre of attention. She asked me to introduce myself to my new classmates and tell them all about myself as she moved away to the stand in front of a window! I wanted to run but I could not move and my supersmart mind went fuzzy but I managed to mumble a brief bio as my face flushed and my body trembled. Some snickered and stared at me intently as I ran out of verbal fuel and just stopped in mid-sentance with my eyes downcast trying to breathe. Then I was allowed to sit at the only desk available - in the centre of the front row. It was hell as the teacher seemed to call on me all day and I got a sinking feeling she didn't like me. I spent the exhausting day in a barely controlled panic until it was mercifully over and I went home to tell my family about the WORST EXPERIENCE EVER and BEYOND MY WORST FEARS and was told I must be exagerating(sp). I didn't want to go back but I had to.
Days later, I was sent to the back row where the smartest kids sat but the first impression the class had of me (and the lasting one) was the nervous girl who pushed her hair back a lot and talked in a whisper. I remember hearing that I didn't look smart...
Weeks later, I asked a classmate why our teacher seemed to limp and move oddly and was told that she had polio when she was a child, had one leg shorter than the other and everybody knew it but never discussed it because that would be rude. The same classmates who reminded me that their first impression of me was having a nervous breakdown and almost fainting and losing all control in front of all of them.
I never understood how that teacher could have been so insensitive to a 12 year old girl and I have tried to see her motive but as an adult who is decades older than she was then - I cannot. She used to teach the class standing at the back or the side of the classroom as we all stared ahead at the blackboard and her desk was placed oddly so we could not look up and see her face. I recognize that she must have had her own social phobias so why did she torture me and cause me such distress in front of my peers when I could have just blended in at a desk at the back where I could have stood up and said HI to all and didn't become the main topic of discussion for weeks afterward?
That day caused me severe emotional distress about public speaking and being the centre of attention. I still feel sick when I recall it. I cannot remember her name and don't want to. I wonder if she ever cared how much she humiliated me.
The first day of school, I was kept in the hallway as all the other students entered the classroom and picked their desks and minutes later the teacher motioned for me to walk in and stand beside her as 30 pairs of eyes looked me over. I must have looked terrified standing out there with me eyes pleading HELP ME and worse when I became the centre of attention. She asked me to introduce myself to my new classmates and tell them all about myself as she moved away to the stand in front of a window! I wanted to run but I could not move and my supersmart mind went fuzzy but I managed to mumble a brief bio as my face flushed and my body trembled. Some snickered and stared at me intently as I ran out of verbal fuel and just stopped in mid-sentance with my eyes downcast trying to breathe. Then I was allowed to sit at the only desk available - in the centre of the front row. It was hell as the teacher seemed to call on me all day and I got a sinking feeling she didn't like me. I spent the exhausting day in a barely controlled panic until it was mercifully over and I went home to tell my family about the WORST EXPERIENCE EVER and BEYOND MY WORST FEARS and was told I must be exagerating(sp). I didn't want to go back but I had to.
Days later, I was sent to the back row where the smartest kids sat but the first impression the class had of me (and the lasting one) was the nervous girl who pushed her hair back a lot and talked in a whisper. I remember hearing that I didn't look smart...
Weeks later, I asked a classmate why our teacher seemed to limp and move oddly and was told that she had polio when she was a child, had one leg shorter than the other and everybody knew it but never discussed it because that would be rude. The same classmates who reminded me that their first impression of me was having a nervous breakdown and almost fainting and losing all control in front of all of them.
I never understood how that teacher could have been so insensitive to a 12 year old girl and I have tried to see her motive but as an adult who is decades older than she was then - I cannot. She used to teach the class standing at the back or the side of the classroom as we all stared ahead at the blackboard and her desk was placed oddly so we could not look up and see her face. I recognize that she must have had her own social phobias so why did she torture me and cause me such distress in front of my peers when I could have just blended in at a desk at the back where I could have stood up and said HI to all and didn't become the main topic of discussion for weeks afterward?
That day caused me severe emotional distress about public speaking and being the centre of attention. I still feel sick when I recall it. I cannot remember her name and don't want to. I wonder if she ever cared how much she humiliated me.