What made you a sociophobe?

[dean01]

i have a notepad and have been trying to jot down memories to try and find out when sa started for me. much like everyone else i was a quiet baby and never cryed.
my brother is my bully, just cant get rid of him, you can choose your friends but you cant choose your realitives.
we moved house when i was 6 and i never felt accepted after that. i came from a council estate and am a cockney and we moved to a well to do area, where everyone speaks very posh, instantly people looked down there nose at me, seeing me as some kind of wrong un. the teachers at school used to say things like, i wouldn't worrie about what your gonna do when your older, you'll be in prision by the age of 21.
i joined a football team when i was 7, i was made captain of the team after one training session, i had an ability to tackle people like they wern't there, my manager noticed this and before games he used to pull me to one side and point out a player on the other team, he used to tell me to take them out of the game in the first 5 minutes. i did it, not knowing any better at the time, but i always did it fairly. the parents of the other team didn't like this and would shout abuse at me and spit at me when i got near them, on a couple of occassions they acctually tried to attack me. i played football for 3 years before deciding it wasn't for me. shame!
next came my opperation, which some of you may have already read about on the, a place to introduce yourself forum followed by my mum and dad seperating when i was 11, hardtimes!.
i was instantly branded a trouble maker when i started secondary school, the teachers used to say your so and so's brother, ile have to keep an eye on you. i was expelled after just 1 year and had to move schools, this didn't help because the teachers and the students at my new school also thought i was a menace to society. lots of things happened during that year, i was attacked by 3 teachers, told that they didn't want me and to go if i wanted and accused of every little thing, regardless if it was me or not. i got expelled again in just under a year and found myself secluded from my friends, there parents decided that i was a bad influence and i was banned from seeing them.
i could go on and on but i think thats enough for today, i guess i was born with sa but events in my life have left me deeply scar'd.

 

[Fighter86]

Just imagine what we would all be like if we were nurtured, cared about, encouraged and treated kindly and with respect..... We would all be different people and have a different attitude...

Good lord, I think if that actually happened, I would have been a super confident career woman by now or something along those lines.

 

[Shy_Gurl2007]

This is a great question. I believe it is because I am an African American in a predominantly white town. People stare at me like I have some kind of disease on my skin lol. I think the constant staring for that reason made me develop social anxiety. I remember these two kids hit me in the face with a rock while I was waiting for the school bus . Everyone turned and looked at me. I was so embarrassed and ran home (luckily, my house was right up the street). Throughout school, the ignorant comments and stares continued. I always feel like a spotlight is on me. I'm rambling, but that is my take on why I am a sociophobe.

 

[Pookah]

I have mild autism (asperger's) so I think it just stems from my personality. I have been depressed/socially anxious since I was little.

 

[I_jailed_me]

You wanna hear something weird? After reading this forum looks like most of you have been like this from childhood? Me i was not at the least bit shy!!lol

Matter of fact i was called Mr.Talkative or chatter box in class because i loved to chatter at the back desks. All i need was a few seconds for the teacher to turn and i would say something to the next guy! Nothing offensive or naughty just regular stuff like how is your puppy at home! In India there is corporal punishment for kids who misbehave in class they used to make me kneel down out side the class,beat me with sticks, slap me around! Haha I was immune. Kids used to call me fatty and nothing bothered me! Nothing what so ever! I was always cheerful!

Then teenage came and i got internet in 1995 and stumbled into porn and soon found some gay porn and thought i experiment because i was 17years old and by end of 17 i was bi-sexual(still like girls)! Soon i got a little paranoid and every time i went to a restaurant or a crowded place where people stare i had a doubt what if they knew!! I had this doubt that some of them would know and i was becoming nervous that i would be called gay!

That was just shyness and every kid at 16 to 20 exterminating with sexuality is sort of shy, you can see that when they are walking alone! For me coupled with my dads obsession to make me an Engineer like him and my dislike for education i failed 8 times in high school and finally got through only to be put in a very high rated Engineering collage and then i could not handle the Math there and i dropped out! By this time i used to feel shy around certain type of over confident guys but i had my own character and people loved my own brutal confidence due to years of failing and clawing my way up!

The actual problem begins now, when i joined another collage to do business management after i droped out from by dads stupid dream.The kids there where like 4years younger to me and they all used to laugh and poke fun of me, coupled with their childish attitude i became isolated and alone, finally i BROKE and started believing what the world wanted me to believe that i am loser and people laugh at me when i am not there and people stare at me because i am a FU****KN failure and i am GAY, I am not good enough!!

F*ck the World,now i dont go out, now its out of control because after certain point of humiliation you become too involved trying to stop the next panic attack and humiliation! Now its a thermo nuclear chain reaction which means its very hard to stop! Fear cant stop fear and i forgot how to move away or i lack the certainty to move away! It makes more sense to dig my fear and make sure i am sure of not getting humiliated the next moment. What i used to do naturally like move away is gone now!!

So Ladies and Gentlemen the world!! I hate everything about humanity all the lies of love are just greed and fear disguised.

 

[I_jailed_me]

^^^ Sorry i had to edit so many times! ::

This is me in 2004 when i was going out with friends and when i had fear initially when talking and it goes away after a smile or a joke!
Notice i had no problem standing with friends!

Pardon me if my typing style is very hard to read or understand because now i am completely mad! I havent meet a friend in 5years!

 

[sevenroses]

Not sure to be honest It just happened in grade 6. And skyrocketed in high school. Maybe more participation was required grade 6 and up.

 

[Largey]

Not too sure either, I just remember getting a terrible feeling once where I was having an out of body experience, it came straight out of the blue, but was in a situation (watching a play at sixth form) whereby I knew I could not escape. My phobia has grown tenfold recently though.

I was very fortunate that I was not bullied at school. I was actually seen as 'the cool nerdy guy' who always did his homework but also played in the school football team. Thankfully I refrained from bullying others (i'm not that sort of person at all) and one of my closest friends was bullied a lot at school, so I sort-of know the effects it can have on people.

 

[EasySkankin]

Now that I think about it, it was bullies too.. was never sure of it lol... I'm learning things here cool!

 

[zav943]

A lot of things...
I've always been shy around people, and it was brought to my parent's attention that I like to go home quickly after soccer practice (back when I was 11-12). I felt no body really liked me, and they make fun of me (I was always the punching bag)...some people just plain hated me despite my attempts to socialize with them. They were also already socializing with girls, something that was way outside my comfort zone at the time...

My horribly failed attempts with girls are also a major factor. I've been rejected more times that I would want to recall. Some rejections are permanently etched in my memory, one of which involved a girl overtly ignoring me while I talked to her.

As time passed, I grew bitter and receded from social interaction. It's not a fun thing to think about but...that's my story...

I am not a socially-developed person. It's like missing a few driving lessons and then going on the road with a car...you'll just be a disaster weaving through traffic barely getting by without getting in an accident...sometimes I worry that I may die alone because of this....and it just destroys me. I have almost no self-confidence or self-respect anymore.

 

[goldatom]

My being fat and being teased for it.

 

[da_illest101]

I'm shy, speak slow and i have a hard time relating to people. Most of the time i just feel like to be quiet and no talk. It seems for most ppl that's just weird

 

[Jessquietgirl]

I have to admit that I was always a quiet child. Even my mother told me that I was a lot quieter than my older sister.

My parents are immigrants, my father from Mexico and my mother from Dominican Republic.

During my early childhood years,
My sister and I were considered very "special" in our neighborhood because we looked nothing like our parents. We both were white and redheaded.

I must admit I was a very social and happy child. I used to start conversations with all types of people and I was never afraid. But all of that ended when I entered school and I encountered bullies which most of them were boys.


They mostly made fun of me because of my weight. During those years, I weighed 100 lbs in kindergarten!!!!!! I was easily a target for ridicule. Finally, I shut myself up and stopped talking with people, especiallly boys.

This problem lowered my self esteem and I became self concious about my appearance.

This fear of getting bullied for my weight followed me throughout middle school and now high school. During middle school I weighed about 180 lbs and in two years I lost about 50 lbs.

Now I weigh about 135 lbs but I still have a desire to lose more weight.

In high school there aren't a lot of bullies but I still envy those people who have never gained a pound in their life. They will never know how hard it is to lose weight.

I'm still not satisfied with the way I look. Especially my ugly hook nose.

 

[EasySkankin]

Ugh, I can relate to you Jess... it sucks not feeling attractive. I think attractiveness has alot to do with confidence though... yeah definately. Even if you are attractive but don't feel attractive... you just plain wont be attractive to people. ON the other hand, if you aren't that attractive but you have good confidence, you will probably buy nice clothes and fix yourself up real nice... and thus, you will be attractive to people.

I've seen some girls that you look at them and you're like "Wow... shes hot" but then you see her without nice clothes and make-up and they're not even average. I think confidence has a lot to do with physical appereance... it affects the way you project yourself.

 

[Silentknight]

Bullying for sure because when I was very little I was a bit talkitive the problem was everyone made fun of me for it. I would get laughed at every time I opened my mouth even by the teachers, and would be harshly riddiculed and embaressed by the I would try to make friends with so by the time I got to junior high I became a more or less a mute even around family and though I am trying to get better I still am a bit of a mute.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

i remember i was like three. this is when company first came over. they gave me a cat plushie that meowed and then i ran to my room where it was dark. i went into the closet and played with it. i was also afraid of the dark so i went in the hallway where the lighting was dim behind a fishtank so i wouldnt have to talk. so just started like that :s

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Mine is opposite from what most of you have talked about.
Not sure what caused it really, I know I'm a quiet sensitive person by nature, but I feel like I could have still been able to function in society.
No, it stems from my mom babying me and doing things for me, never teaching me how to live, only being loving and giving me whatever I wanted. She also has SA and kept me sheltered from the world thinking I'm gonna get hurt.
I resent her for that, but of course I love her because she's my mom. I only want the best for her. We both still drink together because both of our lives suck.
I think if I had grown up in a smaller town, I'd be alright. It's the bad neighborhood I had to grow up in, and living around so many people that makes it worse for me. I don't want anyone to know I have a problem so I try to hide it.
It's funny because I never knew the neighborhood around me was bad. Growing up I just thought that's the way it was. I lived in my own world. I've always liked to be alone. I used to be a pyro as well. I set things on fire and almost set the house on fire once I must have been 7 or 6.
I wish I could explain why I am the way I am. I drive myself crazy sometimes thinking about it. Who to blame. Why can't I function. What's wrong with me. I just want to be loved.

 

[Carnation]

I was lucky up until the age of 16 when I had a good group of friends around me although I was quiet and shy. My problems began when I went to college and was bullied verbally. I have also experienced verbal bullying, silent treatment such as being ignored, criticised in front of other members of staff and sarcastic remarks in almost all of the jobs I have worked in. I used to make an effort towards other people but I would be ignored and rejected and would often seem to say the wrong thing. Over time my confidence has become almost non existent, I rarely go out and do the things I used to enjoy doing any more. I no longer make the effort to socialise with colleagues or other people any more and don't see the point because I'm socially inept. I have also come to accept that my situation is unlikely to change.

 

[Emptyness]

I grew up in an area with no kids, so i have never gone outt o hang out with my people after school because they all live so far away, this has also caused me to not gain any social skills so i am bad with people.

 

[lolabeau]

I think for me it was just that I had too much of an imagination. I started to dream of doing things which I could never really achieve instead of concentrating on what I could.

Knowing I would never achieve what my imagination held made me withdrawn. I would spend all my time fanticising, rather than living.