What made you a sociophobe?

[Haruhiist]

It was when I got bullied all my life because I'm an immigrant.

Mostly around my 13, my whole class bullied me. Then even people outside of the class started to bully me too. I'm an agressive person, so whenever someone tries to do something to me, I'd fight back. And they can't stand that. So they would bully me even more.

Another reason is, because I had to move, I lost all my friends, so I hardly saw a reason why I should go outside.

All of this made me someone who played games all day and hardly have any contact outside my house. Lately, things have been better, because I go to college now, there are no such things as bullies there. But I still have these wounds from the past, and I still can't interact well with people, even though they're nice.

What made you have SA?

 

[BlackPuma]

For me it started with a bully when I was like 5 or 6 years old. Even though he picked on me allot, I was lucky that we had the same friends. It helped me at times, but not always.

I also have a drug addict brother that has been terrorizing this family since I was 5 years old. He still does today. When I was 13 I had to luck of making a popular friend with a very (VERY) sharp and offensive sense of humor. By spending time with him I picked up a thing or two about defending myself vocally.

This being a small town, all my friends went with me to the same highschool. But unfortunately because I was ''odd (showing early symptoms of social phobia)'', and seeing as I am family of my assh*le brother (which may I add; has criminal contacts of his own), I was under constant threat of being beat up. It never happened, though. I think it was because of my friends. But still, it's what caused me to be very cautious, afraid and distrusting around people.

The only reason why I'm capable of communicating as good as I do, is merely thanks to the fact that I'm an active internet user. c:

To this day I can't sleep without having something that resembles a weapon nearby, though. :/

 

[KiaKaha]

Good question, and a worthy topic. I don't think social phobia is something that is built into us (although I do think there are some hereditary traits that can predispose us to it) but rather it is learned, through the how we are treated during our childhood and teen years.

Like others here, I too was bullied. I wont go into details but believe me it SUCKED, and shattered my confidence and self esteem. I then went to high school, and began to realize that I was never going to be part of the cool kids... the shy skinny guy with questionable social skills would never be deemed as cool... and the bullying continued...

Adulthood... After some insight, and a hope that things would be different in the adult world, I thought that maybe if *I* was non judgmental, nice to people, and had a forthcoming nature toward others, things might be different.... I was wrong. Whilst people are less obvious with their contempt towards others...its still there... There is still a sense of indifference, fear, and awkwardness that I dont think will ever go away.... and I recognize that some of it is me, and some of it is them... People are hard to read, and other peoples behavior boggles my mind...I still witness, absolute inconsideration, bullying, exclusion and just plain old rudeness to not only myself but to other people.

Basically...humanity just sucks...because we wont change, and we wont give others a chance...we are blinded by our own preconceived ideas of what we THINK others are like...and its far easier to deal with life if we use those biases and prejudice about people to deal with those around us...

phew...now if you excuse me...I have to get back to work

 

[Haruhiist]

I hope we all start to have faith again in people. In this forum, I discovered there are a lot of nice people too. Maybe because we suffered and we understand that it's something horrible, discrimination that is.

I really hope for us all, that there'll be a day we gain our self confidence back. And asap.

 

[KiaKaha]

Just imagine what we would all be like if we were nurtured, cared about, encouraged and treated kindly and with respect..... We would all be different people and have a different attitude...

 

[alspacka]

Same here, I've always been "shy" (really dislike that word) and people have been screwing me over since first grade. When I was young (6-8) I was bullied mostly by my peers (due to my often eccentric outbursts, general fearfulness etc).

After that I got a few years of reprieval, until I started high school, and since then it were mostly the teachers doing the bullying (to elaborate: I had a lot of behavioural issues and they were just really stupid in handling those, I don't get how degrading and intimidating a kid is going to help him).

To be honest, there were a lot of people that had it far worse than me, but because of the perceived betrayal of the people that were supposed to educate me, I didn't have anybody to turn to anymore and since then I've never really opened myself up to anyone, and whatever friends I had were merely there so I would look less conspicuous.

I guess I just shut myself off and lived in dreamworld ever since.

Due to help from my therapist I recently found out that I'm actually highly sensitive, so that tends to explain my tumultuous past and allows me to view my reactions in a more understable way, instead of viewing myself as some freak of nature.

Heh, just now I remembered my first day of school. I was sooo excited, I got up early to count my pencils and checked to see if I had every colour, I made sure I had the map of the way home that my mum had drawn for me (I was terribly afraid I'd lose the way, I even walked the route twice with my mother). Anyway, I didn't quite feel up to having to walk to school all by myself, so my dad escorted me.

By the time I got to school I was crazy nervous, and to make matters worse, I had to cross the playground for the big kids. Of course I had to trip over something, and immediately some children were making fun of me. It might sound idiotic, but I was so dumbstruck that I didn't even get up and just layed there crying until some teacher showed me the way to my line. I don't recall how the actual lessons where, I just remember everybody was cheerful and were talking to eachother. Because I had gone to a kindergarten in a different town I didn't know anybody there.

When it was was playtime I just found myself some corner to stand in, hoping someone would approach me. And some some guys did, only they started harassing me (there were 3 of them I think), I think that was one of the few times in my life that people have actually physically hurt me (well just one kick, but that was more than enough). The only remaining part of the day that I remember was the trip home. Of course I got lost, I had convinced the teachers that I knew the way home better than them, took a left turn too early and when I noticed I didn't recognize the street I panicked and asked some old man for directions. Luckily I hadn't dwelled too far and my home was just one street away.

But yeah that was one of the worst days of my lives. The recollection does paint a smile on face tho'.

 

[Ignace]

Bullied for a few years which weakened me, then there was a move totally somewhere else and that finished it.

 

[cricket]

my father and my paternal grandmother had a big impact on me, i was very sheltered as a child which made it really hard for me to make friends. i was picked on in middle school also which didn't help.

i never developed any hobbies or interests really, either. which is causing me a lot of grief now that i'm older and trying to figure out what i want to do with my life ::

 

[HeavyRain]

I have always been the shy and sensitive type, and growing up with three older brothers who like to tease doesn't help much. I was a cry baby, and in my feelings, I was never throughly comforted/assured by my parents. By age 11, my family and I moved and I went to a different school where I knew no one. And I suppose from then on I gradually withdrew myself from people/society, deciding to rather hide and live in my own little world.

 

[Tiercel]

I can trace mine back to a chilly night in January, 1980, when my parents cuddled to keep warm....

Actually I think it was in high school. Drugged into a depression on top of depression and anxiety problems. Eventually I stopped going to school, dropped out and re-enrolled to keep my good GPA, and ended up in 11th grade with kids I didn't know at all.

Ah, the best years of my life.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Another reason is, because I had to move, I lost all my friends, so I hardly saw a reason why I should go outside

I never realized this until now, but my social anxiety began after I moved when I was around 12 years old... I stopped going outside as well, the school people ended up all being excluding jerks who thought highly of themselves. I remember just fuming with hate for Canada because of their lack of acceptance.

I think it was caused by a lot of things. My parents were busy with their lives and their other disorders, my mom had SA badly as I observed her, emotion went ignored from what I can remember, my family fought like it was a daily family tradition and I was normally the main target of my direct family's insults because I was simply born quiet and self-defenseless. As I grew up, I had one friend that was extremely arrogant that I could attach myself to and glide through life without notice while being belittled by her, sometimes treated like I was just her dog or something. Don't get me wrong, we had good times too, she's a good person, no harm to her.

I remember when I was around 7 or 8 years old, coming to this huge 'revelation', "I am here for the purpose of others and should not hold my own identity. I am simply a helping force who will be forgotten". Coming to this made me brim with happiness.. like I had found my place by denying I had a place. It's the strongest point of my childhood and I remember it coming after some little event that sensitive me perceived as a devastation. I can't remember what it was though..

 

[dottie]

heavyrain said

I was never throughly comforted/assured by my parents.

this rings true for me, too. affection, reassurance, and any sort of emotional support was absent in my life.

 

[beastie]

My psychologist seems to think my learning disabilities were a major factor in my anxiety. I wasn't really shy or bullied growing up, but I was terrified of going to school. They put me in the accelerated program when I was 6 and I could do well tests without studying but I still got cruddy grades, my teachers usually hated me or thought I was lazy. I never related well to my peers and had trouble communicating. Panic attacks also had a big impact on my social anxiety, I've been getting them since I was little and didn't understand what they were. Eventually I stopped trying to relate to other people because everytime my words are misinterpreted or I get nervous, stammer and have to repeat myself it feels like I'm being judged and rejected. I don't know if any of that really makes sense though, sorry.

 

[emerald_star733]

I feel like i have found a home here... thanks all.. i used to be a very social kid/teen/young adult.. always the people pleaser and just being a social butterfly.. i am now in my early 30s and i am angry.. i don't want anything to do with people except my mom and husband. I know it is because i have never dealt with everything i have been through but when you have been abused as a child in many ways, and criticized as a pre teen to the point of wanting to kill yourself, then having ex boyfriends who were absolute dicks, and friends who have betrayed you when you were beyond loyal to them, and having everyone who knows you either hurt, disappoint, criticize, judge, and neglect you? well, i think it is no wonder i am anti-people.. i don't let anyone in anymore cept the two mentioned. I hate going to do errands, i hate working, i hate leaving the house, i feel like everyone is out to get me. Those from my past would say what the hell has happened to you as i was once popular, but it was only cause i tried to forget what had happened to me but now it haunts me, i am so angry..the only time i feel at peace is when i am alone. I still put on the smile when having to be around family and friends, but inside i feel so alone, until now.. until i found this forum and realized there are others who feel the same.. anyway, rant over.. kinda felt good to get it out..
thanks

 

[lilymartens]

I had pretty common life until I started university.

I live in the same little town since I was born. Attended elementary school here, age 6-14. I was on good terms with everyone, no best friend, but not an outcast either.

I've gone to highschool in the capital, so this was quite a change, but still it was good. I even had someone I knew from my previous school in the same class. And guess what? I met my best friend.

Since that time she's still my best friend, she's actually the only one I visited in the last five months, otherwise I barely left this room.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. So even highschool was nice, with a few ups and downs.

Even the beginning of university was fine. The first year or so was fun, new people, new places, new lifestyle. But it got lonlier and lonlier. All my friends have gone to other schools, we barely saw each other. The new people I met, weren't really friends, mere acquaintances. Even the trip to school was getting more and more bothersome, noone to talk to. 3 hours a day being in a crowd of strangers on the bus, on the train.

At first I only ditched a few times, that was allowed. But it was so much better at home. Safe, cozy, warm. No rain, no heat, no cold, no grumpy people. So I stayed home more often, until it got so out of hand, that I didn't go at all.

About 8 months ago my parents found out. I broke down, confessed what I've done, and asked for help. My father is not big on the whole being-a-dad-thing, so he left my mother to deal with the problem(=me).

Mom works in a hospital, so she got me Anna, the psychotherapist. Anna was really nice and all. And it worked for about 2 months. It felt extremely relaxing to talk about things with her, that I couldn't share with others.

After a while though mommy dearest started to make comments about how this is a waste of money and such. There even was a time, when she asked me to call off an appointment, because she can't pay for it.

The last time I met Anna was before the Christmas holidays. We didn't make an appointment, I said I would call her, but I didn't.

After my last exams in January, I put my studies on hold, and barely left this room. Nobody knows what my real problem is. I haven't been diagnosed. Each week, each day it's getting worse.

I don't answer phonecalls, or doors. I don"t leave the house alone, started avoiding my parents too. It was pure coincidence, that I read about social phobia, then I knew it wasn't just depression and agoraphobia, those came after.

 

[petrified eyes]

I've always been shy/sensitive, as for making me social phobic:

-I was bullied/picked on in school.
-All four of my friends moved away in the span of 18 months, leaving nobody to hang out with/talk to. (I recently got back in touch with one of them via facebook.)
-My bipolar father embarrassed me in public on many, many occasions.
-My asthma prevented me from playing any sports or participating in phys. ed. (People are very big on sports around here.)
-I never really followed any fads or was part of any clique in school, so I was an outcast. (I sat at the lunch table with the other "outcasts", I called it: The clique that didn't like cliques. )
-I would fall asleep in school (and get yelled at for it) because my father's manic episodes would keep me awake at night.
-In group projects in school all the other students would slack off and have me, the smart one, do all the work, then yell at me because it wasn't finished soon enough.
-I used to get sick a lot when I was younger, the kids at school used to tease me about being absent so much. (Later I found out most of it was actually the physical symptoms of anxiety.)
-In grade school, the teachers used me, the quiet/smart one, to separate the talkative trouble makers. (We had assigned seating.)

In summary: School and my father.

 

[hybridmoments6]

I feel like I was born a naturally shy person, but being shy in school was automatically perceived by most as a negative trait...people made fun of me for being quiet, always pointing it out (my mom would too when she introduced me to people) and it made me really self conscious. This went on all throughout school and people were just really mean to me in general alot of the time, or ignored me completely. Because of all that i think i have an inferiority complex and really bad depression today...

 

[GhoulsNightOut]

I'm sure it all traces back to complete emotional neglect from my parents. They only did what they legally had to do: feed me, provide me a place to sleep, and enroll me in school. They didn't care about my grades in school or just anything for that matter. Whenever I was upset or cried they either yelled or made fun of me for it, and I remember playing by myself a lot in the backyard since they never cared to interact with me.

 

[Haruhiist]

Your stories really have touched me. I'm kind of in a misanthropic mood now. Hating people for their evil deeds. I just can't understand how even kids can be corrupted. How teachers and parents could damage our self-esteem. Is there no justice?

Anyway, we've discovered a place where we all understand each other, and I think that makes me a bit happy.

 

[boosh]

I don't think anything particularly happened to me which caused it. I was always a "quiet baby" where my mom tells me i never used to cry for attention. But I remember always crying when my mom would leave the house and I was left with my dad. And my first day at school was dreadful, I used to have a tantrum every school morning, not wanting to go.
I was always shy but I think social phobia started for me when I was around 13 when my shyness got worse.