What is a relationship?

[jaim38]

I guess relationships are like friendships yet different in some way; however, I don't really understand how they are different from friendships. When is a friendship a friendship, and when is a relationship a relationship? It's all so confusing.

Yeah, the line between relationship and friendship is blurring. Nowadays there are concepts like "friends with benefits" and open relationships.

 

[Earthcircle]

The young 14-year-olds who suddenly discover the sexiness of the opposite sex don't really know what to do, either. The thing is that they try, anyway. Relationships shouldn't be a chore. It should be a fun experience for you and for him. Things may not work out in the end, but at least you had a good time and you've got those memories to go with.

You don't have to be perfect in a relationship (whatever that entails) - you just have to be real.

One thing that really amazes me is how teenagers seem to know social things that I don't -- and I'm 48. I don't know how they pick it up.

 

[HHDisturbed]

I have to admit that I feel jealous when people on this site talk about their partners or spouses. I sometimes think "Your SA can't be that bad if you managed to form a family."

Hi Earthcircle. I do have HH & SA. I feel it each and every day, however, I decided long ago that if I ever want a chance at finding happiness and developing a long-term relationship that I must become stronger than my SA.

I too feel like a "square peg" or an "outcast" in life but I have never allowed it to control my life. As I have stated before, when in public YOU are the only one aware of your SA so your goal should always be to keep it hidden and be as normal as one can possibly be. This doesn't mean your SA is any less but in time you can overcome and live a fairly normal life. Don't let it beat you!

I am now 45, have a beautiful (and very smart) wife with 4 children of my own aging from 14 to 25. I have a successful career as an engineering designer and on the side I am a popular national Marraige and Sex advice columnist. You might not think that I have SA at all but I do. It is always there and does affect me in many ways. But I am stronger than that and I refuse to be defined by SA or excessive sweating.

I deserve to be happy just like anyone else and you do too! You must first learn to believe in yourself and hunger for more out of life. "Make" yourself overcome your fears by facing them head on and beating them and eventually those fears will subside. It makes you stronger and stronger each fear you overcome and eventually your confidence and self-esteem will improve to the point where you can actually find that relationship you have always wanted.

The power of positive mental attitude makes all the difference!
PM me if anyone wants to discuss this further. Best wishes!

 

[Earthcircle]

"Make" yourself overcome your fears by facing them head on and beating them and eventually those fears will subside. It makes you stronger and stronger each fear you overcome and eventually your confidence and self-esteem will improve to the point where you can actually find that relationship you have always wanted.

Everyone believes this, and I used to as well. But, looking back on the many, many times that I have forced myself to be social, I think it made me worse. The resultant failure and disgrace of my behavior in public just made me hate myself even more.

 

[HHDisturbed]

I am sorry that it didn't work for you. Are you sure you didn't give up too soon?

I still feel anxietal in crowds and at social events so I am not saying that I am "cured" of SA either. I have simply learned to deal with it and "fake it", so to speak. Meaning that other's don't know I feel this way if I don't make them aware of it. Over time "faking it" became easier to do even though those feelings of anxiety still exist. (Sometimes 2 or 3 drinks when we are out helps too).

You'll like this one...
FACT: My wife is a Mental Health Therapist with 2 Masters Degrees. Although that has nothing to do with how we met and there has never been a single "in home spousal therapy session" in our 10 years of marraige...I often joke:
"Thank God she doesn't charge me to lie on my own damn couch!"

 

[Earthcircle]

I am sorry that it didn't work for you. Are you sure you didn't give up too soon?

I still feel anxietal in crowds and at social events so I am not saying that I am "cured" of SA either. I have simply learned to deal with it and "fake it", so to speak. Meaning that other's don't know I feel this way if I don't make them aware of it. Over time "faking it" became easier to do even though those feelings of anxiety still exist. (Sometimes 2 or 3 drinks when we are out helps too).

You'll like this one...
FACT: My wife is a Mental Health Therapist with 2 Masters Degrees. Although that has nothing to do with how we met and there has never been a single "in home spousal therapy session" in our 10 years of marraige...I often joke:
"Thank God she doesn't charge me to lie on my own damn couch!"

I'm not sure why but, for some reason, I offend people. When I'm social, I am pained by the offense I cause to others. And I would rather not see it happen.

 

[LoyalXenite]

I have to admit that I feel jealous when people on this site talk about their partners or spouses. I sometimes think "Your SA can't be that bad if you managed to form a family." That sometimes makes me feel like an outcast in this group. To make matters worse, I wouldn't know what to do if I were in a relationship again. What I recall in my last long-term relationship was a lot like nursing, and I know that's not normal.

I have no idea how i managed to get a partner honestly. I was in a better place mentally and emotionally at the time, but she had flirted excessively with me for months and i never noticed because i just dont function socially. Really i didnt know until she literally came out and told me she wanted something to happen between us, i fell in love with her pretty quickly after that, i was in love before our first date. I dont know how we have managed to stay together either, we have had so much crap thrown at us, homelessness, death of a friend, all sorts of unpleasant and hard experiences. Which is a big reason as to why my mental state has deteriorated so much.

I dont know how things have made it this far, im eternally grateful they have, she is everything to me, but i look back and i just dont know why she liked me to begin with or why she has stayed with me.

 

[Subpop]

I'm not sure why but, for some reason, I offend people. When I'm social, I am pained by the offense I cause to others. And I would rather not see it happen.

Earthcircle.......how do you know for sure that you offend people? What tangible evidence do you have that others are 'offended' by what you say or what you do? Is it a situation where you think people are offended because you say or do very little?

 

[HHDisturbed]

I'm not sure why but, for some reason, I offend people. When I'm social, I am pained by the offense I cause to others. And I would rather not see it happen.

What in particular do you think offends people?
Do you say offensive things to others? (if so, stop it)
Do you do offensive things in public? (picking your nose or grabbing yourself in public is not a good choice)
Do you smell offensively? (Showers & deodorant can fix this)
Do you make faces or offensive gestures? (Smiles are better)
Do you get to close to others by invading their personal space? (Step back)

Identify what you believe is offending others (which may only be your own perception, BTW) and address them one at a time.

When in crowds I get quiet. I will either stand with one or two others that I know well or quietly off to the side and softly smile at anyone who makes eye contact. I try to put my back to the majority of the crowd and tune em out.

Just "fake it". Smile and make eye contact. Don't be obtrusive or loud...talk softly and use positive words. (negativity can offend). Note: this is also how to ask for a date.

Just trying to help but you have to make the decision to move forward or remain in your own status quo. I truly mean it when I say that there is nothing greater for one's self and the ability to succeed than the power of positive mental attitude. I'm not saying that it's always easy but without it you are doomed to fail.

PM me if you want to talk more. :thumbup: