What do you wish people knew about SA?

Espera

New member
Over the past year, I've become quite good friends with a wonderful man. We've become very close, and I care for him a LOT. I've noticed as of late, that he has classic symptoms and issues with social anxiety. Realizing this has opened my eyes-- there have been some instances where I've felt extremely slighted. I'm now beginning to understand that things that come naturally to me, are really terrifying and hard for him. I know its not something I can ever really understand, but I'd like to try.

My question is this-- what do you wish outsiders knew about SA? Its not an easy topic to bring up. or talk about. Obviously things are different for everyone, I'd just like to be the best friend that I can. Any information or advice would be appreciated.
 

recluse

Well-known member
What it feels like to be in our shoes. I just wish people would be more understanding; Most people who don't know what we are going through, take things like going to parties/social gatherings for granted. For us things like that are terrifying.

I had a so called friend (a girl) who rediculed me because i was shy. It was in her university at the end of her course, in a party. I hate ignorant people.
 

LonelyLeaf

Well-known member
How debilitating this illness really is. It's everywhere you go you feel like people are judging you...from cars passing by, people looking out windows, passing on the street...everywhere where there are people you automatically instantly feel nervous and anxious without even fully knowing why...it's awful and very debilitating...it's automatic, it just happens..like it's hardwired into your brain and internalized..what with all the other stresses in life (getting a job, making friends and keeping them, other personal issues etc.) it's nearly impossible to function normally! I mean if you have araknophobia, how often do you see spiders? But social phobia..you meet people everywhere, right?! That's why it controls your life so much..yes I wish non social phobics could experience it for just a month and then maybe they would have more sympathy and understand better...

I hope this helps you and has given you some idea as to how SA people experience having this illness.. :)
 

madmike

Well-known member
i wish people would understand how hard we try to be 'normal', and how agozining it is for us to have to wake up every day trying to keep a straight face and a level head and just try, as best as we can, to make it through the day, have a conversation (however awkward it may be) and try not to give in :?

Life can be so unfair.... then again, i had a nice childhood so maybe this is payback (i can't help being bitter!)
 

Angel_Of_Death

Well-known member
I feel extremely embarrassed about social anxiety, and feel embarrassed when people see signs of my anxiety. I would rather overcome my problem, than have people understand it.
 

dottie

Well-known member
that i'm not a bitch, that i'm just afraid and don't know how to properly express myself.
 

lmaoatyou

Member
hi

that it IS actually hard to deal with, i wish they would have some sympathy and understand what we are going through. That we actually CAN
talk. That it hurts when you make a comment about how quiet we are.
"why are you so quiet?" " TALK!" " Oh her, she doesn't talk.."
These are the things that make me even more quiet.
If you want someone to talk, then be patient please, it takes time for us.
If i go to talk, then someone will say " OMG shes actually talking! "
it makes me never want to speak again. That drugs and alcohol will make things worse for us, and by pressuring us to do those things you are not helping us, your just making it worse.
 

dottie

Well-known member
oh yeah:

just because i am not articulate does not mean i am stupid.

sometimes we need the push to come out of our shell. it can even be really appreciated because it's like we know you are there to hold our hand through the process so in that case we will take advantage of that.

patience. obviously you will need a lot of patience to tolerate someone who is as needy as someone with SA. if you don't show patience you will be written off pretty much immediately because it takes a long time to grow to trust someone.
 

worrywort

Well-known member
I really wish people wouldn't read into my silence. If I don't go to your party, or decline your offer to meet up, or if I leave without saying goodbye, etc, I'd like people to know that I really don't mean to be rude....I know these things are rude, but sometimes the fear can just be too overwhelming.

Plus, I also appreciate so much a patient person. Someone who doesn't jump on every little thing I do and laugh and mock me for not living up to their standards. I think I'm a pretty nice guy inside...I'm just a bit backward when expressing it!
 

PhantomPod

Well-known member
I, too, would just people to understand more how debilitating SA really is. Like, it's so easy for others to say, "just speak up!" "Just pick up the phone and give them a ring!" "Just go up to the counter and ask for a couple more packets of ketchup" (lol), but all of these situations are truly difficult things for us to do and can cause pretty much paralyzing fear.

I like when people would try to accomodate me and really try to engage me in the conversation, or sort of nudge me along and ask if I'd like to do something with the group. Like, I have just always felt it was nice when people would actually notice my SA and realize how difficult it is for me to open up and take the initiative, so they take the initiative and try to include me.
 

nico82

Well-known member
Re: hi

lmaoatyou said:
that it IS actually hard to deal with, i wish they would have some sympathy and understand what we are going through. That we actually CAN
talk. That it hurts when you make a comment about how quiet we are.
"why are you so quiet?" " TALK!" " Oh her, she doesn't talk.."
These are the things that make me even more quiet.
If you want someone to talk, then be patient please, it takes time for us.
If i go to talk, then someone will say " OMG shes actually talking! "
it makes me never want to speak again. That drugs and alcohol will make things worse for us, and by pressuring us to do those things you are not helping us, your just making it worse.

I agree, that's one of THE most annoying things when people ask why you don't talk.
 
Top