EscapeArtist
Well-known member
or abused
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Were you neglected as a child/youth?
- Thread starter EscapeArtist
- Start date
SilentRain
Member
Well because my mother was a young and single, she always worked 2 jobs and did mini side things to help care for me and my brother so she was never home. Only time I got to see her was in the morning before she left for work. It was like up untill I was 16. So sometimes I don't feel a strong bond with her because she was barely around. I dunno if that's considered neglect although with the new parenting rules going around it probably is now.
iamthenra
Well-known member
My mother beat me when I was a child. Once she started hitting me, there was no end... Actually she would stop once her hand hurt too much, or her stick or weapon broke, then she would quit. My father who was a school teacher, knew about this, and told me that I should never tell anyone about it, for fear that she would go to jail. Of course, the shrinks I have visited like to pin my problems on her shoulders. They may be right, but I can't say that it's all her fault for the way I am. SA and depression I believe in my family is inherited, but my low self esteem and fear of being around females can be related to her abuse... Unresolved problems in me from her abuse??? Maybe... I don't have a Phd, so I can't say for sure.... Labels don't matter to me, what matters to me is that I am depressed, lonely and miserable. All I have ever wanted was to be married to a female who actually loves me for who I am... Thanks to my genes and my mother I will probably never realize my dreams....
Def not neglected or abused. When I was 13 my mom had my brother and sister (twins)...she didn't have much time for the older kids. Then a few yrs ago she went back to school....really didn't have much time for me then. I'm not bitter...just wish she did things differently.
Both.
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Lorraine Manca
Well-known member
generations of screwed up people raising screwed up people, its hard to blame anyone really!
ripewithdecay
Well-known member
Neglected by an alcoholic single mother and abused by two jealous older siblings from a different father. Life sucked as a child. However, once I hit the age of about 12-13 things suddenly became awesome as I had the freedom to do whatever the heck i wanted!
I don't place blame, but I will be there for my own children without a doubt.
I don't place blame, but I will be there for my own children without a doubt.
dottie
Well-known member
emotional neglect and abuse.
my parents were divorced. i only saw my dad on alternate weekends. my mom worked full time so we only saw her for a few hours at the end of the day and by the time she got home she did not want to deal with hungry, needy kids. she was a classic refrigerator mother. controlling, manipulative, very nasty. she got reported when my brother slipped to a teacher that she hit us with things. she cooled with the hitting for about 5 years after that. still she was emotionally abusive.
one time as a kid i was really sick with the flu. all i wanted was a little affection since i had been isolated all day. when i asked for her attention she cussed me out, told me to shut the **** up and stay in bed, and slammed the door on me. i didn't do anything wrong. i was a sick kid who needed attention. and that depicts her general heartless attitude toward me.
i don't need a pity party, it is not about placing blame. but when people wonder why i am so insecure and why i struggle so much socially: there is a reason.
my parents were divorced. i only saw my dad on alternate weekends. my mom worked full time so we only saw her for a few hours at the end of the day and by the time she got home she did not want to deal with hungry, needy kids. she was a classic refrigerator mother. controlling, manipulative, very nasty. she got reported when my brother slipped to a teacher that she hit us with things. she cooled with the hitting for about 5 years after that. still she was emotionally abusive.
one time as a kid i was really sick with the flu. all i wanted was a little affection since i had been isolated all day. when i asked for her attention she cussed me out, told me to shut the **** up and stay in bed, and slammed the door on me. i didn't do anything wrong. i was a sick kid who needed attention. and that depicts her general heartless attitude toward me.
i don't need a pity party, it is not about placing blame. but when people wonder why i am so insecure and why i struggle so much socially: there is a reason.
bigrob
Well-known member
I don't know. It depends on definition.
My dad worked all the time. He was gone when I woke up, got home in the afternoon, ate supper, and chilled out. There never was alot of father/son time. None of the stereotypical playing ball, fishing, ect.
My mother, in retrospect, ignored me as well. The way of dealing with me was to spoil me and buy me stuff to occupy my time.
Of course my "problem" was addressed by a teacher when I was 10 and it was ignored.
Yet I never wanted for anything...I had a roof over my head, food to eat, and as I said, I was somewhat spoiled.
They just never supported me, encouraged me, or sought help where it was needed.
So was I neglected? In a way I was.
My dad worked all the time. He was gone when I woke up, got home in the afternoon, ate supper, and chilled out. There never was alot of father/son time. None of the stereotypical playing ball, fishing, ect.
My mother, in retrospect, ignored me as well. The way of dealing with me was to spoil me and buy me stuff to occupy my time.
Of course my "problem" was addressed by a teacher when I was 10 and it was ignored.
Yet I never wanted for anything...I had a roof over my head, food to eat, and as I said, I was somewhat spoiled.
They just never supported me, encouraged me, or sought help where it was needed.
So was I neglected? In a way I was.
I dunno if I was neglected or abused. I honestly don't know because I have good memories in my childhood but also many bad ones. In many ways I was disappointed by my parents because I had unfulfilled yearnings of what i wanted them to be (in my head). My parents spoiled me and they, in some ways, were helpful towards me but also very pushy. I haven't thought of this memory in years but the one time I held a kite spool in my hands and watched the kite fly higher and higher while the string in the spool unraveled more and more in the sky my parents were standing at my side telling me how to hold it, where to stand and what to do. It was supposed to be an enjoyable experience but all my parents could do is keep telling me what to do like I didn't know or something.
There are so many things I could revisit and say about where things went wrong for me and my parents and my relationship with them ... There were some times between my mom and I that were maybe border lining cruelty on her part. She was always the one to act first whether it was to scream at me or throw insults at me. How many times did I have to hear her say she was going to kill me or beat me to death in order to get me to submit to her? In some way I think she felt her actions were justifiable because she never relented to apologize to me or showed any inclination she had hurt me in a way that was wrong. Sometimes I still look at her, unbelieving remnants of her old personality cracks through at times. It's a good thing she doesn't have her hold on me like she used to. At times like these I let the bitterness of the past come to me again and I almost hate her as much as I did before except now i see she's a flawed human like me. I try to understand and get along with her (and I do) until the next time she raises her tone at someone like whatever she says goes and then i'm just reminded of the person i saw when i was growing up.
There are so many things I could revisit and say about where things went wrong for me and my parents and my relationship with them ... There were some times between my mom and I that were maybe border lining cruelty on her part. She was always the one to act first whether it was to scream at me or throw insults at me. How many times did I have to hear her say she was going to kill me or beat me to death in order to get me to submit to her? In some way I think she felt her actions were justifiable because she never relented to apologize to me or showed any inclination she had hurt me in a way that was wrong. Sometimes I still look at her, unbelieving remnants of her old personality cracks through at times. It's a good thing she doesn't have her hold on me like she used to. At times like these I let the bitterness of the past come to me again and I almost hate her as much as I did before except now i see she's a flawed human like me. I try to understand and get along with her (and I do) until the next time she raises her tone at someone like whatever she says goes and then i'm just reminded of the person i saw when i was growing up.
My parents chose to work second shift because of the slightly better pay when I was 11. My mother joked that she raised my much older siblings just fine (being home to cook dinner, help with homework, etc) and she deserved a "freebie". Meaning she didn't need to put in the same effort with me.
I have good memories of being with my parents but when I hit 11 I was left to my own devices. I didn't see them in the morning because they were sleeping. I made myself dinner alone every night and went to bed alone. They often worked weekends or went out. It wasn't uncommon to go a week or more without talking to them. I used to look back on my childhood and wonder how the happy outgoing child I was became who I am today. I don't think it's any coincidence that my SA started around that time.
I had food, a house and spending money so I wasn't neglected in that sense but there was a lot lacking. The bitterness comes from how preventable it was. The new car and two houses they needed to work late and overtime for are all gone now.
I have good memories of being with my parents but when I hit 11 I was left to my own devices. I didn't see them in the morning because they were sleeping. I made myself dinner alone every night and went to bed alone. They often worked weekends or went out. It wasn't uncommon to go a week or more without talking to them. I used to look back on my childhood and wonder how the happy outgoing child I was became who I am today. I don't think it's any coincidence that my SA started around that time.
I had food, a house and spending money so I wasn't neglected in that sense but there was a lot lacking. The bitterness comes from how preventable it was. The new car and two houses they needed to work late and overtime for are all gone now.