Wanting to keep the conversation going but just didn't know how?..

Ecclesiastes

Ecclesiastes

Well-known member
To be honest, it's been about a week or so (i think?) since I joined SPW. I've been trying to get myself involved with things around here actively, be it giving people encouragement or just casual chats.

But there is something I feel bottled and wishes to confess.

Many a times when someone replies me/looks me up in the IM/sends me a text, I need a long time to think about what to reply. I'm so wary about saying something that might make the other party decide to chuck my reply aside conversation would just die there.

There were also a lot of times when I really wanted the conversation to go on but I just didn't know what to say, I think I might be too conscious about the impression I'm giving the other party (or is that Social Anxiety?..), it takes me forever to reply and probably by the time I could reply something, it's already too late.

This sucks, seriously :'(

Does it happen to you guys too?
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
Don't worry, you're not alone in this. ;3

I am a rather professional conversation killer myself. Even here. But then again, here it might also have to do with others being just as awkward as me.

Anyway, I believe it's a pretty common thing amongst us. ~WO
 
C

chrisjurban

Well-known member
YES! This has been my worst problem for a long time. I'm beginning to crack through it, though. I get such bad anxiety in situations that require quick responses that usually I just end up ignoring whoever is talking to me, or going offline (lol). Then yeah, same, I'll want the conversation to continue but it takes forever to reply and it's too late by the time have something to say. This happens with my girlfriend a lot, especially via text. But the biggest problem I had was coming up with new things to say.

Anyway, what I noticed happened when I observed my interactions in various relationships. With certain people (my mom especially, but also my closest friends) I felt especially relaxed. With these people, often I could say or do almost whatever I felt. Yes, the things I said were somewhat marred by the bizarre inferences about other people's feelings I've developed as a result of mild social isolation, and occasionally yes, my mind did go blank from anxiety (damn you cortisol), but these were less overwhelming from my more comfortable perspective.

With further exploration of this, I found I was eventually able to tune into a flow of emotions and sort of ride it through conversations. Of course there are certain small tricks of conversation one learns (bringing up stories from the past, etc.). But usually the flow carries me through pretty well. I've managed this by imagining that I am as close to other people as I am to my mom or close friends.
 
J

jaixo

Active member
I have this problem, as well. I pretty much stopped trying. I talk to one person now, but it's all just random crap and inside jokes. I pretty much quit chit-chat and conversations altogether. I don't really even say much around my family, anymore. It's why I prefer forums and emails/private messages as you can take as long as you want without them knowing.
 
U

userremoved

Guest
I get like that around certain people. I've found that asking a person questions about themselves is a good way to keep a conversation going. Just don't ask something too personal or that'll kill it real quick lol. Don't feel too bad though, it wont always be your fault if a conversation dies. The other person should contribute too, otherwise you're just talking to yourself the whole time.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
Also, remember that there are people here from all sorts of different time zones, with all sorts of things going on that might make it hard for them to reply right away.... and then, the moment has passed.

I wouldn't take it personally.
 
Ree_Ree

Ree_Ree

Active member
I use email messaging if I want to communicate with someone online, although I don't have anyone to chat with online anyway. I use instant messaging before, maybe 3-4 times about business, but nothing big. I feel the same way. I can be a total screw up and embarrass myself if someone don't stop me.
 
T

TimArends

Well-known member
I've seen this posted on the boards before. Maybe I'm just an old fogey, but I really don't see texting as being "conversation." They are such totally different things.

It is like writing a message anonymously on a forum as opposed to face-to-face asking a pretty girl or handsome guy you don't know out on a date. How can the two be called the same thing?

I read your post title and I was about to agree with you 100% and then I saw you were just talking about texting!

With texting, you don't have to worry about eye contact, body language, smiling, and a dozen other things that you have to worry about in face-to-face conversation, so I really wish people would stop confusing the words "texting" and "conversation", because they are two totally different things.
 
DanFC

DanFC

Well-known member
Yeah, this is a major problem for me. I worry that other members think I don't want to talk to them, but I just don't know what to say :(
 
Inspiration

Inspiration

1
I felt the same too. I take a long time to figure out what to reply or to say. I'm very scare to offend the person i'm chatting with. If i did not get a respond for sometime... i try to ask them if i said something wrong. If i do... i will apologize. I just don't want a conversation starting out good to end in such away.
 
M

Mr. S

Member
This is why I like to keep out of chatrooms. I have this habit of reading over my posts billions of times...
 
E

Emmas7

New member
I definitely prefer emails to face-to-face, but I do get this problem when I'm IM-ing someone.

I'm doing an internship at the moment, and everytime I have to speak to my supervisor I spend 5 or 10 minutes re-drafting my email to him to make sure it's right. When I feel like it's something we probably need to talk about face-to-face, I waste quite a lot of time walking up and down the stairs (his office is on the floor below me) trying to prepare myself to go speak to him.

Emma
xxx
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
Ecclesiastes said:
There were also a lot of times when I really wanted the conversation to go on but I just didn't know what to say, I think I might be too conscious about the impression I'm giving the other party (or is that Social Anxiety?..), it takes me forever to reply and probably by the time I could reply something, it's already too late.

This sucks, seriously :'(

Does it happen to you guys too?
Click to expand...
Definitely. I have a case of that right now with someone actually. Arg!

TimArends said:
I've seen this posted on the boards before. Maybe I'm just an old fogey, but I really don't see texting as being "conversation." They are such totally different things.

It is like writing a message anonymously on a forum as opposed to face-to-face asking a pretty girl or handsome guy you don't know out on a date. How can the two be called the same thing?

I read your post title and I was about to agree with you 100% and then I saw you were just talking about texting!

With texting, you don't have to worry about eye contact, body language, smiling, and a dozen other things that you have to worry about in face-to-face conversation, so I really wish people would stop confusing the words "texting" and "conversation", because they are two totally different things.
Click to expand...
I disagree. Texting most certainly is conversation. It doesn't involve as much as face-to-face conversation, but this is a matter of degree as opposed to apples and oranges.

Personally, I'd rate the stress as:

PM/email < texting/IMing < phone/voicechat < real life
 
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