Nicholas
Well-known member
Hey guys,
I'm bored, confused and almost feeling depressed again, I don't know what to do and I'm back here in this corner of the net, so I'm starting this stupid random thread. I might start some others in the following days, to share my thoughts, since I expect to feel... weird in the near future. Let's cross our fingers. No, sorry, just my fingers, you don't need to cross yours for me, LOL
My thoughts now. You can comment on this.
If we want to stop feeling bad, we need to change. Change what? If you need to change the way you act and the way you think, what do you actually need to change? You need to change your personality. Yes, at the end of the day, that's exactly what people like us need to change. It is NOT easy, because it might well be impossible. But if we don't change at least a little, then nothing good will happen... we will always be this way, miserable. So how can a person try to change their personality? There are two ways:
1) giving prizes: if you give the dog a cookie, he'll do what you want.
2) punishment: if you punish the dog, he won't do what you don't want him to do.
Now, this is to motivate yourself. If you follow the first approach, then you should "think of the prize" to get motivated: think of the friends you will have, think of the boyfriend or girlfriend you will have, think of when you will feel well or at least better, and you'll be happy, or at least much happier than now.
If you follow the second approach, then you should think of the punishment to get motivated: think that in ten years nothing will have changed, look at yourself and what you are doing now, and imagine what is going to change... which is nothing, it is likely get worse actually, so imagine yourself in the future, too old to do anything, suicidal, with lots of dreams but no time left for anything, envious, angry, miserable, thinking of what you could have done but you didn't do it, and now it's really too late, because you can't get your time back. In one year... thinking what could I have done? In five years... in ten years.... what will you have done?
That's what I thought about. But I realized that the first approach doesn't work well. It's what everyone wants us to follow... they want to motivate us "positively", they want us to feel "optimistic". But for some reason I think that approach doesn't work very well. Because it is easy to make the mistake of being too optimistic, and then find ourself disappointed. When you think of "having friends", "being successful" etc and then you realize you are not going to get those "prizes" easily, then you go back to depression. As usual.
But if you follow the other approach, and then look back at the "little" results you have gotten, and think "hey, this is better than nothing", then it's gonna work better. If you motivate yourself by scaring yourself....
Social anxiety, phobias, etc, all changed our personalities... they really did it. But how? If they did, then it's possible to change our personalities, right? Well, phobias changed our personalities by scaring us. So change yourself the same way too. Scare yourself, get a new phobia: the loser-phobia. You should be scared of remaining a loser and still be the same in one, three, ten years. Imagine yourself in the future... and get scared. What do you see? Scare yourself daily, and let this new fear motivate you and change your personality. Instead of doing nothing, or doing "irrational" things you don't really want do, try to change.
Don't focus on any "prizes". Don't expect anything from the world. Don't imagine the prizes, don't obsess on how close you are getting to those prizes. Prizes make you depressed, because 99% of them are only going to exist in your mind. Instead, do the opposite. Imagine what a loser you might ever become, and obsess on how far you are getting from that kind of person you don't want to be. Little by little.
I'm bored, confused and almost feeling depressed again, I don't know what to do and I'm back here in this corner of the net, so I'm starting this stupid random thread. I might start some others in the following days, to share my thoughts, since I expect to feel... weird in the near future. Let's cross our fingers. No, sorry, just my fingers, you don't need to cross yours for me, LOL
My thoughts now. You can comment on this.
If we want to stop feeling bad, we need to change. Change what? If you need to change the way you act and the way you think, what do you actually need to change? You need to change your personality. Yes, at the end of the day, that's exactly what people like us need to change. It is NOT easy, because it might well be impossible. But if we don't change at least a little, then nothing good will happen... we will always be this way, miserable. So how can a person try to change their personality? There are two ways:
1) giving prizes: if you give the dog a cookie, he'll do what you want.
2) punishment: if you punish the dog, he won't do what you don't want him to do.
Now, this is to motivate yourself. If you follow the first approach, then you should "think of the prize" to get motivated: think of the friends you will have, think of the boyfriend or girlfriend you will have, think of when you will feel well or at least better, and you'll be happy, or at least much happier than now.
If you follow the second approach, then you should think of the punishment to get motivated: think that in ten years nothing will have changed, look at yourself and what you are doing now, and imagine what is going to change... which is nothing, it is likely get worse actually, so imagine yourself in the future, too old to do anything, suicidal, with lots of dreams but no time left for anything, envious, angry, miserable, thinking of what you could have done but you didn't do it, and now it's really too late, because you can't get your time back. In one year... thinking what could I have done? In five years... in ten years.... what will you have done?
That's what I thought about. But I realized that the first approach doesn't work well. It's what everyone wants us to follow... they want to motivate us "positively", they want us to feel "optimistic". But for some reason I think that approach doesn't work very well. Because it is easy to make the mistake of being too optimistic, and then find ourself disappointed. When you think of "having friends", "being successful" etc and then you realize you are not going to get those "prizes" easily, then you go back to depression. As usual.
But if you follow the other approach, and then look back at the "little" results you have gotten, and think "hey, this is better than nothing", then it's gonna work better. If you motivate yourself by scaring yourself....
Social anxiety, phobias, etc, all changed our personalities... they really did it. But how? If they did, then it's possible to change our personalities, right? Well, phobias changed our personalities by scaring us. So change yourself the same way too. Scare yourself, get a new phobia: the loser-phobia. You should be scared of remaining a loser and still be the same in one, three, ten years. Imagine yourself in the future... and get scared. What do you see? Scare yourself daily, and let this new fear motivate you and change your personality. Instead of doing nothing, or doing "irrational" things you don't really want do, try to change.
Don't focus on any "prizes". Don't expect anything from the world. Don't imagine the prizes, don't obsess on how close you are getting to those prizes. Prizes make you depressed, because 99% of them are only going to exist in your mind. Instead, do the opposite. Imagine what a loser you might ever become, and obsess on how far you are getting from that kind of person you don't want to be. Little by little.
