Two types of Boring
- Thread starter Richey
- Start date
madmike
Well-known member
It's about striking a balance and allowing both parties to get something in. Someone who doesn't say or do anything is just as boring as someone who's completely obsesed about themselves and doesn't listen to what the other person has to say (i.e what a very chatty person usually is like). Sometimes if you're a good listener though, people won't see you as boring because you'll make them feel ineresting...
Slothrop
Well-known member
If you look closer, these aren't much different.
The pleasure of conversation comes from the exchange, the back-and-forth action. Both of these kinds of boring have the same problem, in that they prevent this exchange from happening. And when that exchange doesn't happen, people don't enjoy the conversation as much, which colors their impression of the other participants.
The chatty person who doesn't let others speak might enjoy hearing themselves talk but will find others quickly tire of just listening. The boring person who only wants to discuss subjects dear to him is similar, because he constrains the conversation such that others might not have anything to say. The quiet person who says little seems disinterested and unwilling to keep the conversation going, even though they may be listening intently and enjoying it.
These are just habits though, and they don't always have the same cause. Chatty people, for example, are often just anxious about being misunderstood, so they try to cram lots of details into what they say. Another person anxious about being misunderstood might simply not say much at all. I've found myself exhibiting both habits in different situations, and I suspect many others have too. Like many things with SA, it's normal to an extent but bad when it becomes habitual.
So then, if you're trying to have an enjoyable conversation, the goal should be to encourage the exchange above all. Your ability to keep the conversation going is what impresses upon people and gives them positive feelings about you. The content of what you say is important, but secondary.
There are no hard and fast rules on how to do this, but a little effort goes a long way. If you're speaking and getting a little long-winded, just wrap it up and let the other person speak instead of trying to say something more to hold their interest. Omit unimportant details from stories. When you're listening, smile, nod, and laugh when appropriate. Ask questions, especially if it seems like the person has a lot to say about the subject. People love talking about things that are important to them, and the more you can get them to talk about it, the better they feel, which makes them feel better about you. And when it seems like a conversation is "over", just let it end.
The pleasure of conversation comes from the exchange, the back-and-forth action. Both of these kinds of boring have the same problem, in that they prevent this exchange from happening. And when that exchange doesn't happen, people don't enjoy the conversation as much, which colors their impression of the other participants.
The chatty person who doesn't let others speak might enjoy hearing themselves talk but will find others quickly tire of just listening. The boring person who only wants to discuss subjects dear to him is similar, because he constrains the conversation such that others might not have anything to say. The quiet person who says little seems disinterested and unwilling to keep the conversation going, even though they may be listening intently and enjoying it.
These are just habits though, and they don't always have the same cause. Chatty people, for example, are often just anxious about being misunderstood, so they try to cram lots of details into what they say. Another person anxious about being misunderstood might simply not say much at all. I've found myself exhibiting both habits in different situations, and I suspect many others have too. Like many things with SA, it's normal to an extent but bad when it becomes habitual.
So then, if you're trying to have an enjoyable conversation, the goal should be to encourage the exchange above all. Your ability to keep the conversation going is what impresses upon people and gives them positive feelings about you. The content of what you say is important, but secondary.
There are no hard and fast rules on how to do this, but a little effort goes a long way. If you're speaking and getting a little long-winded, just wrap it up and let the other person speak instead of trying to say something more to hold their interest. Omit unimportant details from stories. When you're listening, smile, nod, and laugh when appropriate. Ask questions, especially if it seems like the person has a lot to say about the subject. People love talking about things that are important to them, and the more you can get them to talk about it, the better they feel, which makes them feel better about you. And when it seems like a conversation is "over", just let it end.
Bore snore
The very worst type of boring are the ones that never shut up!! I really don't see anything wrong with people who talk quite a bit. As long as they keep it interesting, and have a way with words, I can listen. There are also people like us, who may seem incredibly boring, but actually are not. Sure, I'm not denying a few of us may be as boring as a brick. We may seem boring because it appears as if we are completely uninteresting and have little or nothing to us, but if you look deeper, that's not the truth.
The thing I hate however, is those conversations where people go on and on and on and on about absolutely NOTHING!!! It drives me crazy. I mean you how can you find a way to talk about cardboard boxes or towels for nearly an hour???? It's just like GAH!!!! That's the worst type of boring. I have even set the phone down and picked it up a few minutes later, going "mmm hmm mm hmm mm hmmm". I don't know how they do it, how could you talk about nothing for so long?
The very worst type of boring are the ones that never shut up!! I really don't see anything wrong with people who talk quite a bit. As long as they keep it interesting, and have a way with words, I can listen. There are also people like us, who may seem incredibly boring, but actually are not. Sure, I'm not denying a few of us may be as boring as a brick. We may seem boring because it appears as if we are completely uninteresting and have little or nothing to us, but if you look deeper, that's not the truth.
The thing I hate however, is those conversations where people go on and on and on and on about absolutely NOTHING!!! It drives me crazy. I mean you how can you find a way to talk about cardboard boxes or towels for nearly an hour???? It's just like GAH!!!! That's the worst type of boring. I have even set the phone down and picked it up a few minutes later, going "mmm hmm mm hmm mm hmmm". I don't know how they do it, how could you talk about nothing for so long?
Scrabbl
1
Re: Bore snore
No. this is not just a cardboard box. It's the god of boxes. This is the Box God. But I prefer to refer to it by acronym, BG.
No. this is not just a cardboard box. It's the god of boxes. This is the Box God. But I prefer to refer to it by acronym, BG.
BeachGaBulldog
Active member
Extroverted people are the most boring. They go on and on about stupid crap, they can't shut the f*** up, and they have absolutely nothing worthwhile to say. They put me to zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Richey
Well-known member
I suppose my point was that people are only boring if you allow youself to become bored by them in the first place, frankly i find people who talk all the time about any old crap interesting and funny and i find quiet people interesting and i enjoy it when they contribute i dont find them boring because everyone is unique ....