Two questions for good looking males with SA

[theslowesthand]

Something just keep telling if i had good looks i wouldn't have any SA around girls even though many guys here said they still have SA around girls with good looks. My mind just keeps telling me i would be social comfortable around girls

It's probably like playing poker or sth, and you have an ace card - this increases the odds in your favour, makes it easier, but still no guarantees you will win (ie if rest of hand is poor, then is still very likely you'll lose)

 

[Moses199]

I'm good looking. I don't really find it hard to get a gf. But I am still at a disadvantage because of my SA. Most of the women that initially show interest in me lose interest because of my personality or because I'm shy and awkward or something. But some women don't seem to mind my SA and stick around

How is it easy for you to get a GF if you have social anxiety? is your SA in the severe or moderate side in the spectrum of severity?

 

[Stphy1127]

I think it helps only in that it draws people in. I am an SA female and get hit on a fairly good amount but it usual never goes farther than that. I suck at small talk and usually just laugh nervously until the guy thinks I'm A. Just dumb or B. Not interested

 

[Louco]

If I'm good looking?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5mtclwloEQ

I'm too sexy for this thread.

 

[fate12321]

I've been told I have good looks. Back when I was 14 (I'm 20 now by the way), I've actually had girls come up to me and they would started talking to me on some occasions. Keep in mind that my social anxiety was pretty bad back when I was younger, so most of the time I would respond with a few words and keep quiet. Now to answer your questions:

1. I've only been in 3 relationships and they've all been latina's. I'm hispanic by the way. Anyways, my social anxiety has made things difficult when it comes to relationships. I remember a friend telling me that if I was a bit more social, I'd probably be dating or hooking up with more girls. As a matter of fact, my first girlfriend asked ME out. She knew that I was never going to make a move on her and she did so herself. After that relationship ended, I sort of gain a bit more self confidence in myself and that allowed me to get in other relationships.

2. Do I have a high intimacy drive? When I was younger, I did. I'm guessing it was hormones at work. Right now, it's medicore. I sometimes yearn for someone to talk to, but that feeling usually passes quickly. I don't have any interests in getting involved in a relationship right now since there's to much going on right now.

 

[Moses199]

I've been told I have good looks. Back when I was 14 (I'm 20 now by the way), I've actually had girls come up to me and they would started talking to me on some occasions. Keep in mind that my social anxiety was pretty bad back when I was younger, so most of the time I would respond with a few words and keep quiet. Now to answer your questions:

1. I've only been in 3 relationships and they've all been latina's. I'm hispanic by the way. Anyways, my social anxiety has made things difficult when it comes to relationships. I remember a friend telling me that if I was a bit more social, I'd probably be dating or hooking up with more girls. As a matter of fact, my first girlfriend asked ME out. She knew that I was never going to make a move on her and she did so herself. After that relationship ended, I sort of gain a bit more self confidence in myself and that allowed me to get in other relationships.

2. Do I have a high intimacy drive? When I was younger, I did. I'm guessing it was hormones at work. Right now, it's medicore. I sometimes yearn for someone to talk to, but that feeling usually passes quickly. I don't have any interests in getting involved in a relationship right now since there's to much going on right now.

You had 3 GFs? that's more than some peopple who don't even have SA could get....are you sure you have SA? This is the kind of posts that prove RACE and APPEARANCE matter. Notice how there arn't any black people who posted reports of having GFs in this thread.

I never had single f*cking gf and i'm not even bad looking. This is why i always say fair skin girls are a bunch of racisstt pigs. And when i tell people it's because of racism they want to make all this stupid excuses. We all know getting girls (while having SA) depends on RACE and APPEARANCE. Simple as that. You're past story proved that.

You have guys giving examples about how they know guys who are unattractive that have GF because they are confident. NO SHIITTT anyone who doesn't have SA can have GF regardless of SA. It's the ones who have SA but still manage to get GFs it's the mind-baffling and proves my point fair skin women are racist Nazis. It's pointless using someone who doesn't have SA as an example.

 

[Moses199]

I've been told I have good looks. Back when I was 14 (I'm 20 now by the way), I've actually had girls come up to me and they would started talking to me on some occasions. Keep in mind that my social anxiety was pretty bad back when I was younger, so most of the time I would respond with a few words and keep quiet. Now to answer your questions:

1. I've only been in 3 relationships and they've all been latina's. I'm hispanic by the way. Anyways, my social anxiety has made things difficult when it comes to relationships. I remember a friend telling me that if I was a bit more social, I'd probably be dating or hooking up with more girls. As a matter of fact, my first girlfriend asked ME out. She knew that I was never going to make a move on her and she did so herself. After that relationship ended, I sort of gain a bit more self confidence in myself and that allowed me to get in other relationships.

2. Do I have a high intimacy drive? When I was younger, I did. I'm guessing it was hormones at work. Right now, it's medicore. I sometimes yearn for someone to talk to, but that feeling usually passes quickly. I don't have any interests in getting involved in a relationship right now since there's to much going on right now.

Thanks for proving my point by the way. Every time i see latinas i know damn well they are racist dogs too.

 

[nodejesque]

To state that women are all racist is a fallacy and completely untrue.

People, regardless of gender, tend to date inside their ethnic group. As a Latina myself, I can tell you I have found men of all races and ethnic groups attractive.

However, I have only had had two men in my life and both of them were also Latino. I think that what draws people to those like themselves is familiarity and acceptance. You're comfortable and you know what you're going into to.

In my case, i am open to dating men of different ethnicities. Race would never be a deterrent to accepting a potential partner.

Also, culturally I am Mexican. Catholic, and with a mostly monolingual Spanish speaking family. All of this also plays a role in choosing a potential partner. To me, its a package deal. Family is part of the deal. So is being Catholic, you don't have to believe, but you do have to respect my beliefs. Culture is a big part of my identity, and I think this is true for many ethnic groups, which is why many times it is easier to date someone whom fully understands and you won't feel additional pressure or fear of acceptance.


I have many cousins whom are beautiful successful women that are married to black men. My brother is married to a biracial black woman, and we have different ethnic groups whom have also married into the family.

I don't think that being black is your problem. I think its your anger and self hate. I acknowledge and recognize that the standards of beauty have reflected those of European descent for many years. And it will most likely continue.

But, you don't have to let that define you. I look white. I was blond as a kid, with green eyes... And I hated it. See, I grew up seeing beauty in the women that looked like my grandmother. Indigenous, with black hair, and black eyes, filled with kindness and belief in the magical.

It wasn't until I got older that I started to see what everyone else perceived as beautiful. And my own self hate was born.

But we can't blame anyone else for not having what we want. You yourself have said you don't feel attracted to black women due to the social beauty standards placed by society. You acknowledge that and chose to continue to perpetuate those beliefs by accepting them and abiding by them. Yet, you call women racist pigs?

I think that your difficulty in attracting women is not race based, but attitude driven.

 

[Megaten]

You had 3 GFs? that's more than some peopple who don't even have SA could get....are you sure you have SA?

Man dont even go there. Not everyone experiences social anxiety the same way. We're not all clones or some crap. You going out and trying to get the numbers of random strangers is something that ive never had to courage to do. But Ive been able to go up and give scientific talks in front of large groups of people, which would terrify some others. Chris Evans plays Captain America and hes got SA. And I wanna punch him in his perfect teeth lol.

 

[Bronson99]

Man dont even go there. Not everyone experiences social anxiety the same way. We're not all clones or some crap. You going out and trying to get the numbers of random strangers is something that ive never had to courage to do. But Ive been able to go up and give scientific talks in front of large groups of people, which would terrify some others. Chris Evans plays Captain America and hes got SA. And I wanna punch him in his perfect teeth lol.

Quite simply, I believe Moses was suggesting that mild SA doesn't really count as a significant problem.

For example, take this idea of "mild Asperger's." There are a lot of folks claiming they have Asperger's whilst going for their PhD and having had multiple romantic relationships, and living independently. A reasonable argument could be made that their affliction is "negligible" because they are able to maintain or even exceed the generalized status quo.

No impairment, no disorder. It really is that simple.

 

[Megaten]

Quite simply, I believe Moses was suggesting that mild SA doesn't really count as a significant problem.

For example, take this idea of "mild Asperger's." There are a lot of folks claiming they have Asperger's whilst going for their PhD and having had multiple romantic relationships, and living independently. A reasonable argument could be made that their affliction is "negligible" because they are able to maintain or even exceed the generalized status quo.

No impairment, no disorder. It really is that simple.

If you say so. Im not going to fight against you guys on the subject any further.

 

[BlueDays]

To state that women are all racist is a fallacy and completely untrue.

People, regardless of gender, tend to date inside their ethnic group. As a Latina myself, I can tell you I have found men of all races and ethnic groups attractive.

However, I have only had had two men in my life and both of them were also Latino. I think that what draws people to those like themselves is familiarity and acceptance. You're comfortable and you know what you're going into to.

In my case, i am open to dating men of different ethnicities. Race would never be a deterrent to accepting a potential partner.

Also, culturally I am Mexican. Catholic, and with a mostly monolingual Spanish speaking family. All of this also plays a role in choosing a potential partner. To me, its a package deal. Family is part of the deal. So is being Catholic, you don't have to believe, but you do have to respect my beliefs. Culture is a big part of my identity, and I think this is true for many ethnic groups, which is why many times it is easier to date someone whom fully understands and you won't feel additional pressure or fear of acceptance.


I have many cousins whom are beautiful successful women that are married to black men. My brother is married to a biracial black woman, and we have different ethnic groups whom have also married into the family.

I don't think that being black is your problem. I think its your anger and self hate. I acknowledge and recognize that the standards of beauty have reflected those of European descent for many years. And it will most likely continue.

But, you don't have to let that define you. I look white. I was blond as a kid, with green eyes... And I hated it. See, I grew up seeing beauty in the women that looked like my grandmother. Indigenous, with black hair, and black eyes, filled with kindness and belief in the magical.

It wasn't until I got older that I started to see what everyone else perceived as beautiful. And my own self hate was born.

But we can't blame anyone else for not having what we want. You yourself have said you don't feel attracted to black women due to the social beauty standards placed by society. You acknowledge that and chose to continue to perpetuate those beliefs by accepting them and abiding by them. Yet, you call women racist pigs?

I think that your difficulty in attracting women is not race based, but attitude driven.

Damn the stupid limit on how many "Thanks" you can do for a person's post in each visit to the site. :sad:
As I have reached my "Thanks" quota for now, I have to quote your post instead, lol h:

Well said, node.

 

[Kiwong]

You can get a GF in Aldi, pretty hard to stick in the trolley though.

 

[bsammy]

2- i have a very low intimacy/sex drive..its only very rare when i want to be close to a woman much less have sex with her..this is almost makes relationships into much more of a job than pleasure..

 

[bsammy]

Do you think good looks help someone get a gf even while they have SA?

honestly thats a silly question..of course good looks will help someone get into a relationship BUT it wont help them maintain it!

 

[bsammy]

Positive reinforcement from others. Thats why if a person is bullied or avoided its easy for them to think they're ugly. Its like that episode of the Twilight Zone where the beautiful woman thought she was hideous while she was surrounded by people with pig faces.

To answer the OP, Im thinking it takes more than chiseled good looks and abs to get women. Not to start a flame war, but in my opinion they seem a bit more selective than men are. And being awkward seems to be a deal breaker for quite a few.

i disagree, women dont look at looks as much as men..women look more at social status, sense of humor and confidence, the way u hold yourself ..oh yes, i agree with one thing is if you are socially awkward this will turn just about ALL girls off...being shy is also a huge deal breaker for men especially as u get older..shyness may work fine in junior high and maybe high school but beyond that, women wan a strong, take charge man..

its just unfortunate though because men will accept a woman if she is socialy awkward or shy..its just not fair..

 

[Bronson99]

If you say so. Im not going to fight against you guys on the subject any further.

"No impairment, no disorder" is a clinical truth. I'm just stating a fact.

 

[Bronson99]

i disagree, women dont look at looks as much as men..women look more at social status, sense of humor and confidence, the way u hold yourself ..oh yes, i agree with one thing is if you are socially awkward this will turn just about ALL girls off...being shy is also a huge deal breaker for men especially as u get older..shyness may work fine in junior high and maybe high school but beyond that, women wan a strong, take charge man..

its just unfortunate though because men will accept a woman if she is socialy awkward or shy..its just not fair..

Low status awkward guys can still get women, though.

 

[Megaten]

"No impairment, no disorder" is a clinical truth. I'm just stating a fact.

Im fully aware that no impairment = no disorder. But having a girlfriend or 3 isnt the end all be all of whether or not someone is impaired. We dont know anything else about fate12321 from that post indicating the other areas of his life social anxiety could be impairing. I said that by him asking that question, I could myself ask Moses if he really has SA. He regularly walks up to strange women and throws "his game" at them. While other guys here cant utter a single word to women. You see this is why he thinks his race is a problem and not his anxiety.

 

[theslowesthand]

You had 3 GFs? that's more than some peopple who don't even have SA could get....are you sure you have SA? This is the kind of posts that prove RACE and APPEARANCE matters in this thread

SA is a factor, and so is race & appearance ... but there are other factors also, such as personality, how you approach women, your thoughts & beliefs about women in general, your expectations, your judgements of specific women, etc, etc

I never had single f*cking gf and i'm not even bad looking. This is why i always say fair skin girls are a bunch of racisstt pigs. And when i tell people it's because of racism they want to make all this stupid excuses. We all know getting girls (while having SA) depends on RACE and APPEARANCE. Simple as that. You're past story proved that

I'm afraid it's not quite as simple as that.

...and proves my point fair skin women are racist Nazis

I'd agree that racism is or could be a factor (or a better term is "bias"). But as i said, there are also other factors to consider (that is, the rejection will not be done due soley to racism & appearance). It's more complex than i think you realise.

Here's a couple of links that could fill-in some gaps:
How to Meet Women Without Really Trying – An Example
Seduction for Smart People: Should You Become a “Pickup Artist”? – Part II (see also pt I)