this sucks! i never had a girl in my whole life!
- Thread starter tupac
- Start date
Chechirom
Member
Let me first say that I have never been in a relationship with another. By lacking the experience that comes with a relationship I have sort of put my first relationship up on this special pedestal. This is also impart to the romance movies I like so much. Any other SA guys like romantic movies (AKA chick flicks)? It seems SA people are a lot more sensitive than other non-SA people.(Feel free to yell at me if this seems biased) Any way I am a firm believer that everyone is just trying to find someone else. You can put up this facade or wall, but deep down everyone is just trying to find someone that accepts them. You'll never find love without throwing yourself in its hands. You can stay back and make excuses, but what I am finally realizing is what is there to lose? We might get rejected and embarrassed, but we might also gain something worth more to us than anything we have yet to have or anything we have now.
I agree with taws, pick a target and tell your true feelings, anyone who doesn't atleast try doesn't deserve they joy of love. And those who do try will be rewarded. Who knows....s/he might be the love of your life, but you both don't know it. :wink:
I know this is kind of idealistic and all, but I tend to be an idealist any way. Life isn't that much of a disappointment. Good luck to you all and watch some good romantic movies.(msg me if you know any good ones)
I agree with taws, pick a target and tell your true feelings, anyone who doesn't atleast try doesn't deserve they joy of love. And those who do try will be rewarded. Who knows....s/he might be the love of your life, but you both don't know it. :wink:
I know this is kind of idealistic and all, but I tend to be an idealist any way. Life isn't that much of a disappointment. Good luck to you all and watch some good romantic movies.(msg me if you know any good ones)
renegade
Well-known member
I've never had a girlfriend and i'm 20. My whole experience with girls has been online, so I'm waiting for that to became a reality. I had girls interested in me, but i ran away like a fool.
Still, I can't understand what do the few girls who seem to like me find in me, who would like to be with a loner, anyway ?
If things continue like this i don't see myself having a girlfriend, and it hurts to hear others talk all the time about girlfriends, relashionships. And those of them who don't have a gf are having sex several times a week with random girls witch afterwards they dump.
Still, I can't understand what do the few girls who seem to like me find in me, who would like to be with a loner, anyway ?
If things continue like this i don't see myself having a girlfriend, and it hurts to hear others talk all the time about girlfriends, relashionships. And those of them who don't have a gf are having sex several times a week with random girls witch afterwards they dump.
K-111
New member
I'm 19 and I've never been on a date. I've tried to ask people out, usually resulting in me locking up and being unable to utter anything more than incoherent sentence fragments, even to people I've been perfectly comfortable talking to only minutes before.
A friend who does couples counceling told me that because I'm generally shy, girls tend to put me in a sort of "non threat/non interested" category in their mind, and when I say something indicating any sort of interest in a relationship that's more than casual they don't know how to respond and reject me because they've never thought about me in that way before - further my intense and obvious anxiety only serves to unerve them making it even harder for them to respond.
My friends tell me that there are girls who like me, but I just can't ever seem to get the picture - if somebody'd just come up and say something to me it'd be alot easier to figure out.
A friend who does couples counceling told me that because I'm generally shy, girls tend to put me in a sort of "non threat/non interested" category in their mind, and when I say something indicating any sort of interest in a relationship that's more than casual they don't know how to respond and reject me because they've never thought about me in that way before - further my intense and obvious anxiety only serves to unerve them making it even harder for them to respond.
My friends tell me that there are girls who like me, but I just can't ever seem to get the picture - if somebody'd just come up and say something to me it'd be alot easier to figure out.
renegade
Well-known member
taws said:
I think I managed to make my first flirt. I was at McDonalds with my cousin and I had some kind of joy rush, I dunno, euphoria, and I looked the sales woman over there straight in the eye during ordering, constantly smiling, it was like magic, chemistry, dunno but it felt great.
Where did all the anxiety and negative thoughts go ? I wondered, but I guess this xanax is messing with my brain.
Unfortunatelly, after 10 min later i ''recovered'' from the SP free moment and was back to myself. The women still kept looking at me, and I freaked out finally.
So, does that count like a flirt ? :roll:
AnthonyJ31
Active member
ato said:
Ato, how did you navigate the whole process of acquiring this girl that you had for 3 months? What I mean by that is: did it feel awkward for you knowing that you had never had a girlfriend before and knowing that she probably had had prior relationships? During conversations, it must have been difficult when the subject of past relationships came up and you basically had nothing to say.....I think about that all the time for myself. I'm really afraid of the awkwardness and the shame that I would feel for being so inexperienced; especially when you rub shoulders with people that have developed much more "normally" than you or I....I hope this makes sense....
fred
New member
yo, all u guys who havent got any better get to work. I know what its like suffering with sp and being inexperienced and blah blah blah, and yes I still am introverted and have trouble aproaching girls. But there is a time when u need to stop the self pity and masochism and be straight with ureself. Yes you may look like an idiot, get rejected, feel awkward etc. But the longer u leave it the worse it will get. evolve, let the inperfections flow. Sp peaple are normally intellectual types, of course we intelectualize everythin, so apply ure mind to learning what to do in situations. there are so many ppl out there, for fuck sake dont be picky or romantic about perfect love, do what you gotta do, for once take the attention off ureself and try and genuinely focus on the other. Its going to be hard, dont beat yourself up, just try and be relaxed, breathing excercises etc. jus remeber that however embarrasing it is, numb comfort will be worse.
AnthonyJ31
Active member
fred said:
Tough love. But this guy makes alot of sense. Although I don't agree necessarily about the self-pity thing. Being genuinely hurt and afraid is one thing; self-pity can be a part of those things, but not necessarily exclusively....But I agree with alot of what this guy says.....
Septor
Well-known member
fred said:
If only it was that simply but sad as it is I think some people will be alone all there life no matter what they do.Some people just don't have skill or attribute to succeed.Just like me but that does not mean you should not try.You should always at least give it a chance before you claim defeat.You will never know if you don't try and a lot of people here a have a bettter chance then a non sp person.That being said there are no guaranties in life and I find it to be a little to idealistic to think that everone will find a patner for them self.LIke it's destiny or something.
renegade
Well-known member
That is what I thought , that I will never have a GF, but it happened. Noe i'm single again, we still love eachother but distance is ruining our relashionship and I decided to end it cause the fact of not having her by my side was too much for me to bare...
But that gave me wings and now i'm not so anxious with girls.
Again, hope you don't mind if I repeat myself over and over....THERE IS HOPE, don't dispair, i used to do that but a that miracle happened
But that gave me wings and now i'm not so anxious with girls.
Again, hope you don't mind if I repeat myself over and over....THERE IS HOPE, don't dispair, i used to do that but a that miracle happened
the-quite-1
Member
hi im new im 21 and never had a gf or a date , i guess im gonna die alone
