Dark angel
Well-known member
Well, at least that's what I think I am, although not exactly sure. I just realize that my friends are going to make me a surprise birthday party today. Ok. I've been through them before, in fact all of the past years is the same thing but this one I didn't see it coming because my real birthday was several days ago. I think is very thoughtful of them to do something like this. But honestly, today I wasn't in the mood with being with anyone. I wanted to just watch some TV and lay down. And now my best friend just called me to tell me what they were planning to do. I sincerely got angry because I wasn't prepared before hand for being around a lot of people. Of course I didn't say anything to her and pretended like everything was cool and fine. But she knows me better than myself because before she told me the news, she said " don't be mad but" If she knows me well, and knows that I like simple things, why she keeps insisting on doing this type of birthdays? I would've preferred something simpler, like going to the movies with friends and dinner. Now I have to put on a happy face for everyone when clearly I'm not exactly happy. My heart started pounding a little bit because this implies being a good host to everyone when you are not in the mood and smiling all the time. My mom got a little bit sad and sort of disappointed by my reaction but nobody seems to understand where I'm coming from. I even ask her to please understand me and I asked her if she like being around others all the time... She said yes, so in reality nobody gets me. Not everyone likes big parties and stuff like that. I do enjoy them from time to time, but I need to know ahead in order to prepare myself mentally and this whole thing came so abruptly and sudden... I would've maybe liked the idea if they told me what was planned and when; sure I know in that sense it wouldn't be exactly a surprise but it doesn't matter. Now Im worried of how to present myself to everyone, im worried that they wont have a good time, I'm worried of doing something dumb or saying something out of place... If only my family lived in my head they would understand me a little bit better :sad: