The Loss of ambition

It seems the years of failures and rejections have robbed me of the desire to change anything in my life anymore.

There seems a certain security and comfort in routine, but with the much regretable flip side of remaining stagnant in life with nothing much changing. I’m feeling more and more disconnected and not in control as the years pass me by.

One needs a certain level of energy, enthusiasm and courage for ambitions to be realised, which seem sadly lacking in my life these days.
I mean sure in theory the desire is there to change…I hate working a dead end job in a small town, struggling financially, being in no relationship , and having only family as true friends. I just feel too tired to even try and change any of it anymore.

It’s almost a feeling of resignation that this is the life the universe has chosen for me..no need to try and swim against the current, you will only end up drowning. Its like; I am where I am and the position I am in because this is my lot in life, a destiny of such.

This particular expression of the life force may be one which is designed to experience much heartache and setbacks, but I believe it is still none the less worthy or valued. The universe doesn’t have a concept for experiencing hot without cold, and I am providing some of this cold.

I got thinking the other day, what if I did want to change my life? How would I go about it?

I would have to start from scratch pretty much…move back to the city with just a fast car and no money (que tracey chapman song)….i would then have to spend just about every waking moment of my existence trying to self improve.

I would have to try and give up drinking, while learning how to really scrimp and save on next to nothing while maybe even trying to up-skill yet again. Maybe I would read every Tony Robin book, while also searching for a way to land a dream job without letting anxiety get in my way.

Counciling, study, toast masters, volunteering, job hunting, social networking, job networking, A.O meetings, exercising,…the list goes on and on.

To me, all this sounds that exhausting, I doubt I could find it within myself to even make a start.

..and what say I did make a new start and I was actually making some sort of progress, and all for what??
The universe, if it so desires can change it all in an instant anyway, and I reckon I would find myself back to square one in no time at all…. From past experience when I have made those changes, i have also found that despite my efforts, time after time, due to unforeseen circumstance(s) I find myself being taken down a few pegs..back to where I belong perhaps. Can anyone relate?
 
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MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Yeah, I can relate. I had a lot more ambition when I was younger. Life definitely knocks you down and if it does it enough times, which it always seems too, then it becomes silly to keep trying all the time. There are people who have so much more opportunities and breaks in life than me and it does make me kinda not want to try anymore after awhile. I have broken my body physically and my heart and my spirit has been pretty well stamped out in the last 5-8 yrs. I am just as gifted and talented as the next person, I just refuse to play their game and it has meant that my life will officially be a struggle till some miracle of God happens which I am not honestly holding out for, since I don't believe in such things. I just want enough money to move off the grid and be self sufficient and I would never look back from there.
 
Yeah, I can relate. I had a lot more ambition when I was younger. Life definitely knocks you down and if it does it enough times, which it always seems too, then it becomes silly to keep trying all the time. There are people who have so much more opportunities and breaks in life than me and it does make me kinda not want to try anymore after awhile. I have broken my body physically and my heart and my spirit has been pretty well stamped out in the last 5-8 yrs. I am just as gifted and talented as the next person, I just refuse to play their game and it has meant that my life will officially be a struggle till some miracle of God happens which I am not honestly holding out for, since I don't believe in such things. I just want enough money to move off the grid and be self sufficient and I would never look back from there.

yeh and what saddens me a lot, and is exactly like what you said, I have gifts and talents I could have offered the world and maybe made a successful career out of, but just didn't get catch enough breaks for it to happen.

I could have made a wonderful graphic artist, but for a lack of social skill and wisdom at the time to realise that is what I should have persued, it just never happened.
oh to be 20 again and have the same level of wisdom and knowledge I have now going through uni instead of the clueless half-wit I was then , *sigh*
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
Today I was thinking of what old people go through towards the end of their lives. Loss of independence, physical health, poverty, constant pain, isolation. And I thought I should appreciate what I have now, reasonably good health, independence. I have had opportunities I haven't made the most, I feel like a badly drawn boy, never really developed as a human being.

I don't know if I am ambitious in the common use of that word- career, relationships, wealth, status. But I do have dreams that I want to work towards. Its like I am suffocating for positivity, and fear leaving behind the signs of a life lived poorly- a sad, empty, angry life. I want to create and share things for the world that come from a good place, to show something that is from that best part of me, before its too late.
 
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Odo

Banned
I've tried to make a point of not having regrets because it will only weigh you down. I've never been really ambitious... I have things I enjoy and want to achieve, but I've never felt the need to 'make something of myself' or 'be a man' or all of those capitalist slogans that are intended to make you feel shame if you don't think and act a certain way.

The truth is that whether or not you achieve things isn't as important as you think, because it will only matter if you let it... and a lot of these things we want only make us happy while we're looking forward to them, and achieving them only makes us want more, or feel disappointed.

We're socially programmed to feel unfulfilled because it provides us with the drive to keep going, to keep working, to spend more money, to buy bigger and better things, etc. But our natural instincts are inclined towards the basics... love, food, sex, shelter, etc... and being happy with less is sometimes the best way to live, ecologically, psychologically, emotionally, etc. It's social pressures that make us want to 'make something of ourselves', even when the system needs more people at the bottom than at the middle and the top. But of course the fact that these social pressures are so widespread is why things like community aren't as important anymore... people are more paranoid, more stuck in their personal entertainment devices and more cut off from nature and each other, stuck in cities and online and all kinds of bubbles and safe places.

I'm not sure what you want to achieve exactly, but a lot of the best things in life are readily available if you're creative and willing to put in a little effort... it can be hard but having a positive attitude towards the things you do have will help a lot more than having a negative one.

On the other hand, it's never good to not be at peace with your current situation... so you can either try to make peace with it, or if it's dragging you down, then maybe taking reckless thoughtless action would be good for you. Just take off on a road trip in the middle of the night and not look back. If your job sucks so much, then surely you can find another sucky job somewhere else... it might even be better than the one you have now.
 
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Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
I got thinking the other day, what if I did want to change my life? How would I go about it?

I would have to start from scratch pretty much…move back to the city with just a fast car and no money (que tracey chapman song)….i would then have to spend just about every waking moment of my existence trying to self improve.

I would have to try and give up drinking, while learning how to really scrimp and save on next to nothing while maybe even trying to up-skill yet again. Maybe I would read every Tony Robin book, while also searching for a way to land a dream job without letting anxiety get in my way.

Counciling, study, toast masters, volunteering, job hunting, social networking, job networking, A.O meetings, exercising,…the list goes on and on.

To me, all this sounds that exhausting, I doubt I could find it within myself to even make a start.

I'm just wondering. Is this really what you would do if you had the energy to realize your ambitions? It seems that people automatically associates ambition, improving yourself, success, with social circle, career and the money that goes with it. But if you open your mind, there is an infinite landscape of possibilities that has nothing to do with career, social gathering and money whatsoever. I'm talking about becoming someone you like. Do things you've always wanted to do. Becoming good at things you've always wanted to be good at. Elaborating a personal project.

..and what say I did make a new start and I was actually making some sort of progress, and all for what??
The universe, if it so desires can change it all in an instant anyway, and I reckon I would find myself back to square one in no time at all…. From past experience when I have made those changes, i have also found that despite my efforts, time after time, due to unforeseen circumstance(s) I find myself being taken down a few pegs..back to where I belong perhaps. Can anyone relate?

This is just my opinion of course but I don't think you can ever go back to square one. You learn from your mistakes. Working your a$$ off to get somewhere and losing it all, trust me I've been there. You learn precious things and you start again with the new knowledge.

I don't know if I am ambitious in the common use of that word- career, relationships, wealth, status. But I do have dreams that I want to work towards. Its like I am suffocating for positivity, and fear leaving behind the signs of a life lived poorly- a sad, empty, angry life. I want to create and share things for the world that come from a good place, to show something that is from that best part of me, before its too late.

I like your ambition :)

Just take off on a road trip in the middle of the night and not look back. If your job sucks so much, then surely you can find another sucky job somewhere else

That's the spirit
 
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MollyBeGood

Well-known member
yeh and what saddens me a lot, and is exactly like what you said, I have gifts and talents I could have offered the world and maybe made a successful career out of, but just didn't get catch enough breaks for it to happen.

I could have made a wonderful graphic artist, but for a lack of social skill and wisdom at the time to realise that is what I should have persued, it just never happened.
oh to be 20 again and have the same level of wisdom and knowledge I have now going through uni instead of the clueless half-wit I was then , *sigh*

I guess we can still use our gifts just in more unconventional ways. I am a firm believer non-convention. :thumbup:
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
It sounds to me like you may have depression. Seek help first.

Look, with all the BS I've been through, there's one thing I've learned.
What do we do with our lives? Whatever we can to find moments of happiness and hopefully some contentment.

It starts with how you think.
If you're unhappy and don't like being that way, do what you can to change it. It all starts with you. Realize- like I had to - we can't have it all. But we can have some.

Start with finding something, no matter how small, that makes you feel better.
And what ever you do, don't give up.
Life's too short and it'll be over soon enough.
Get something out of it while you're here :)
 

strongman

Member
OP : I am financially successful man , and have 6 digit salary job , basically I can get any thing I want , buttt I dont have man/woman relationship in my life , and that what I am missing ,I feel like I have no desire to life and to follow my dreams , I feel no meaning of life .
I think your problem is you need some one to share your life with , because that is what I am missing too .
 
I can totally relate to that, skins. I think of it as "ok, I am a defective human, unable to be fixed (not through lack of trying)" So I really have just resigned myself to realising I only have to exist until I naturally die.
Because of my family members I can't kill myself, so I am just a defective thing, like a robot, repeating existence day after day, until my heart (battery) stops functioning.

Maybe if you get to a level where I am where I have no value in myself at all, then you will no longer even have any expectations for the rest of your life.:idontknow: This is at least one benefit of not having any value in yourself, therefore not having any expectations of living for any real purpose.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
I can totally relate to that, skins. I think of it as "ok, I am a defective human, unable to be fixed (not through lack of trying)" So I really have just resigned myself to realising I only have to exist until I naturally die.
Because of my family members I can't kill myself, so I am just a defective thing, like a robot, repeating existence day after day, until my heart (battery) stops functioning.

Maybe if you get to a level where I am where I have no value in myself at all, then you will no longer even have any expectations for the rest of your life.:idontknow: This is at least one benefit of not having any value in yourself, therefore not having any expectations of living for any real purpose.

You have value, you're a good soul, Bluedays. We're all a bit defective I reckon, but it easy to lose site of the best in us.
 

IntheLabyrinth

Well-known member
“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
― Alan Wilson Watts, The Culture of Counter-Culture: Edited Transcripts

I don't have any great ambition in life. Most people's ambitions are self-serving anyway. All I want is to not be so alone!... And to not have to feel the physiological symptoms of fear all the f'ing time.
 

cowboyup

Well-known member
@skins, I can VERY MUCH relate to your post. I was thinking pretty much the similar as you are now. I know a few people who are working, doing 'fun' things, are in relationships, and seemingly have a good time and are well adjusted. Then there's me. I feel I can't relate, I feel disconnected though I'd love to 'connect' I just don't know where to begin. I fought long and hard to help raise my siblings, now I'm raising THEIR kids. It's never ending struggle financially and to have a relationship, well, forget about it.

There are things I'd like to pursue, painting, photography, actually obtaining my degree and WORKING at a real job (obviously) but sometimes I get in a low - in a funk - and just can't seem to muster up the strength to pull myself out of the dark, musty hole.

I really wish I had some good, sound advice for you, but all I can say is to keep chugging along, try to make small improvements, and perhaps soon things will become more clear. At least that is what I try to keep telling myself.

BIG HUGS
 

cowboyup

Well-known member
I'm just wondering. Is this really what you would do if you had the energy to realize your ambitions? It seems that people automatically associates ambition, improving yourself, success, with social circle, career and the money that goes with it. But if you open your mind, there is an infinite landscape of possibilities that has nothing to do with career, social gathering and money whatsoever. I'm talking about becoming someone you like. Do things you've always wanted to do. Becoming good at things you've always wanted to be good at. Elaborating a personal project.



@Pacific_Loner, I like what you wrote above...it puts at least a few things into perspective.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
OP : I am financially successful man , and have 6 digit salary job , basically I can get any thing I want , buttt I dont have man/woman relationship in my life , and that what I am missing ,I feel like I have no desire to life and to follow my dreams , I feel no meaning of life .
I think your problem is you need some one to share your life with , because that is what I am missing too .

so true mate.
While money can make life somewhat easier, it can't buy true happiness.
 
Wow, so much good advice here and reasoning has been well and truely put into perspective..thats what I love about this community , thank you all very much.
 

bsammy

Well-known member
i make enough money but it doesnt seem to make me happier..if anything, i think it almost creates a bigger void in a way..i definitely suffer from a lack of ambition when it comes to getting out and getting things done..my social life is a wasteland but i find when i do get some social time in with old friends, its just so underwhelming?maybe thats not the right word..

i know people that are married with healthy kids and great jobs and they still seem unfulfilled, i guess another poster said it right that we are programmed to feel that way so we have a reason to endure the grind..?
 
I can totally relate to that, skins. I think of it as "ok, I am a defective human, unable to be fixed (not through lack of trying)" So I really have just resigned myself to realising I only have to exist until I naturally die.
Because of my family members I can't kill myself, so I am just a defective thing, like a robot, repeating existence day after day, until my heart (battery) stops functioning.

Maybe if you get to a level where I am where I have no value in myself at all, then you will no longer even have any expectations for thee rest of your life.:idontknow: This is at least one benefit of not having any value in yourself, therefore not having any expectations of living for any real purpose.

Sorry youre feeling this way too blue, some days it really is a feeling of existing for the sake of existing isnt it. I wouldnt say im completetly void of value in myself just yet but the tank sure does feel its sitting on e...i guesss thats the problem when you have expectations you can set yourself up for frustration. Youre such a thoughtfull intelligent person tho blue, its sad you have no self value left
 
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MollyBeGood

Well-known member
I can totally relate to that, skins. I think of it as "ok, I am a defective human, unable to be fixed (not through lack of trying)" So I really have just resigned myself to realising I only have to exist until I naturally die.
Because of my family members I can't kill myself, so I am just a defective thing, like a robot, repeating existence day after day, until my heart (battery) stops functioning.

Maybe if you get to a level where I am where I have no value in myself at all, then you will no longer even have any expectations for the rest of your life.:idontknow: This is at least one benefit of not having any value in yourself, therefore not having any expectations of living for any real purpose.

BlueDays-You have value, please don't think so bad about yourself. You happen to be one of the sweetest people on here. It really bothers me that you feel so low this way. It's such a messed up world that someone like you feels this bad about themselves.
 
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