the Keep Away sign

Aletheia

Well-known member
lurknomore used this term, and it got me thinking.

I was excruciatingly shy and nerdy as a teenager, but by university I'd pulled together some semblance of a social life, even if I was only faking it (alcohol helped). So I was at the pub one evening when I ran into a couple of guys from high school. They were gobsmacked, saying, "We didn't think you were into this sort of thing!" Only then did I start to realize that my shyness had been taken for aloofness. I hadn't been invited to parties because people hadn't thought I'd be interested. So what had I been doing to give them that impression?

Even now, I tend to panic in conversation because I'm never sure what I'm supposed to say. And maybe I telegraph that panic. Maybe people sense that part of me (only part of me!) would rather not be talking to them, and that pushes them away.

Thoughts? Anyone else radiate a similar vibe?
 

Aletheia

Well-known member
Actually, "pulled together a social life" is way too active a term. It was more like "let one form around me". I am passivity personified.
 

bsammy

Well-known member
to be honest the only way i was able to have a somewhat social life in my teens and twenties was because of drugs(alcohol, others)...i was just able to 'keep up appearances' with friends by using alcohol and going to parties.even then i would always revert back to my natural isolated self.

'keep away sign' is a nice way of putting it.its strange because i am a big guy, some say i look mean, others say im good looking, others say i have a very emotionless look...so i can tell some people avoid me on purpose but other seem to want to get to know me.but it doesnt stop me from avoiding people for the most part because i find them tiring..
 
I still haven't figured out how to remove my "keep away" sign, or even know what it consists of and/or what is holding it up. How can I remove something that must be so innate to my nature that I can't even define what it is, only knowing that it's there because of the effects that it's had on my life?
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
I do this a lot. I've noticed recently that when someone initiates a conversation with me, I tend to wrap it up in a sentence or two before making my exit. Most people linger around conversations, but I seem to be just about as terse as they come. And I wonder why people don't talk to me more often, lol.

As for events and being invited places, it's the same concept. I find that as soon as I turn down invites more than once or twice, I tend to not get invited anymore. This is why I make an effort to go to everything I'm invited to, even though it doesn't happen very often.
 

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
I used to deliberately push people away. I was struggling with a lot of issues and I didn't want to let them in on that. Now, I am better and want people in my life but I don't know how to get rid of that "keep away" sign. People in the past have told me that I am too serious, look like I am not interested, and some have even said I was "intimidating" so that is why they didn't talk to me. Smiling doesn't come naturally to me, and when I do smile it is not really a smile at all. So now I sort of make what I think is an exaggerated smile and hope it comes off as sincere and not fake. I am trying!
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
^ yeah, people have told me I look intimidating as well. Which is funny because I'm a tiny person, but I always look busy and involved in my own thoughts. And I have really dark eyes that aren't really the softest and most smiling eyes you've ever seen.
 

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
Oh yes, I have my "Keep Away" sign on; in fact, mine has neon lights on it, just to emphasize it. Apparently, according to my family, my body language says, "Get back," "I'm busy, so don't talk to me," or "Don't bug me." They act as if I'm doing this intentionally, but I'm not. I don't like being alone and, if I knew how to fix this, then I would in a heartbeat. I try to look more friendly and smile, but it doesn't seem like it's working. I just want a friend, but it looks like people are too scared of me to approach me and I'm too much of a coward to approach them. Both sides won't give, so we're stuck at a stalemate.
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
Oh yes, I have my "Keep Away" sign on; in fact, mine has neon lights on it, just to emphasize it. Apparently, according to my family, my body language says, "Get back," "I'm busy, so don't talk to me," or "Don't bug me." They act as if I'm doing this intentionally, but I'm not. I don't like being alone and, if I knew how to fix this, then I would in a heartbeat. I try to look more friendly and smile, but it doesn't seem like it's working. I just want a friend, but it looks like people are too scared of me to approach me and I'm too much of a coward to approach them. Both sides won't give, so we're stuck at a stalemate.

I wonder if apparel could tip it one way or another? I don't know what your style is, but maybe a softer look could make you seem more inviting. You know, corduroys and a cable-knit sweater and glasses, or something. I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud. :)
 

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
I wonder if apparel could tip it one way or another? I don't know what your style is, but maybe a softer look could make you seem more inviting. You know, corduroys and a cable-knit sweater and glasses, or something. I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud. :)

My style is blue (most any shade of it, but particularly dark shades), black and white. I don't understand the whole message system behind the color of clothes and I don't know how to match clothes, so I just wear black and white because they go with anything (I think) and blue because I always wear blue jeans.
 

Aletheia

Well-known member
Well, I am tall so maybe that explains it :D

I'm tall too, which was hell when I was growing up. I stood out when all I wanted was to fade into the background. It took me years to learn to stop hunching, trying to make myself smaller. It's better now the blokes are bigger than me.

I find that as soon as I turn down invites more than once or twice, I tend to not get invited anymore.

I'm sure I've lost friends this way, making excuses not to go to things. It's not because I don't like them or don't want to spend time with them, but they may well see it that way.
 

brainfog

Well-known member
"keep away" sign hmm...
i seem to have an emotionless/serious look on my face, usually walk with hands in pockets while listening to ipod so if someone's calling my name i probably don't hear them, however when i'm NOT walking around with any earphones in, nobody seems to be calling my name at all......
as for when i'm talking to people, i've been told i seem apathetic, emotionless, not really attentive to what the person is saying, maybe because i'm thinking to myself "gotta get away from this person", and that probably is the core of my "keep away" sign...i'm trying to change, trying to smile now despite how fake it is and i hate faking stuff, but that's how soshiety is, so i'm trying to be more open/approachable/less intimidating :/
 
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