The days of J.J (Journal)

[Lemonheadzuccini]

^ Im not exactly over him I have moments where I feel like "WHY!!" but I try not to think about him too much I remind myself that there will always be someone else. I havent been to this forum in a WHILE nothings really up.. well nothing i can say here.

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

OH! p.s everytime someone asks me what career i have in mind i always freak out because I dont really know what to do with my life but I recently found a career thats decent or can be atleast a starting career.. A FLIGHT ATTENDANT!!

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

OH! p.s everytime someone asks me what career i have in mind i always freak out because I dont really know what to do with my life but I recently found a career thats decent or can be atleast a starting career.. A FLIGHT ATTENDANT!!

A flight attendant would be an amazing job/career!
Very good choice!
Have you flown before?

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

^ Ha.. actually no i havent Ive talked about it with my parents my mom liked it but my dad not so much.. mostly because of him wanting me to go to college but we've come to a compromise ill go to college for 2 years and if i want to continue i can or became a flight attendant.Ive become lazy with my journal heh i have had some interesting things going on lately but besides those moments im a depressed pessimistic and i dont wanna share every time im depressed b/c well.. id have 100+ posts about how unfair the world is especially for the darker variety such as me but thats another topic i dont like getting pity speeches

 

[Srijita52]

^ Ha.. actually no i havent Ive talked about it with my parents my mom liked it but my dad not so much.. mostly because of him wanting me to go to college but we've come to a compromise ill go to college for 2 years and if i want to continue i can or became a flight attendant.Ive become lazy with my journal heh i have had some interesting things going on lately but besides those moments im a depressed pessimistic and i dont wanna share every time im depressed b/c well.. id have 100+ posts about how unfair the world is especially for the darker variety such as me but thats another topic i dont like getting pity speeches

I don't want to give any pity speeches to you but I do hope you feel better soon.

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

^ thx its not that i dont appreciate them its just when ppl give me compliments and stuff to boost my spirits its nice for a short moment but then reality resurfaces

 

[Srijita52]

^ thx its not that i dont appreciate them its just when ppl give me compliments and stuff to boost my spirits its nice for a short moment but then reality resurfaces

I understand. I guess people can only try to boost your spirits by giving you compliments but it doesn't magically solve your problems. You're still the one who has to try dealing with them.

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

TYPING IN CAPS TODAY B/C IM EXTREMELY IRRITATED BY ALL THESE STEREOTYPES. IM GONNA CLEAR THEM ALL STARTING FROM THE ONE IM MOST ANNOYED WITH
1. BLACK WOMEN ARENT ALL UGLY!! theres always gonna be ugly and beautiful people in each race
2. WE ALL ARENT LOUD AND MEAN!! Im actually the complete opposite I talk like a mouse and i usually dont have anything mean to say
3. NOT ALL OF US GET MAD WHEN WE SEE A BLACK DUDE WITH A WHITE CHICK!! I actuallly could care LESS not everyone stays in their race
4. WE ARENT RACIST AND WE DONT HATE GAYS!! I have friends of every race and i love my gay friends i sometimes prefer hanging out with them instead
5.WE ARE SMART!! im in all honors
6.WE DONT THINK EVERYONE IS RACIST!! thats actually the last thing i consider
7. WE ALL DONT HAVE DEADBEAT FATHERS!! I live with two loving parents who are even strict at times
8.WE DONT ALL DANCE VULGARLY!! I actually cant dance at all..
9.WE DONT ALL HAVE SICKLE CELL DISEASE OR AIDS!! where did that even come from?!
10. WE CAN GET SKIN CANCER!! everyone can.. that one's actually kinda funny
RANT OVER!! did I leave anything out?

 

[Nathália]

^ I get things like that daily it's not funny. I stopped looking into that and started to look at people who didn't care about race whether they liked me or not, they looked at me as a whole person. If I don't like someone I don't look at their skin and group them same for as if I like them. Life is short and I'm going to TRY enjoy it to the best of my abilities whether I'm blue or purple and I'm not going to let people dig me into a hole.
I am human, I am not perfect plus, I don't think you're ugly or mean you have a cute and bubbly personality from what I see on the forums. Sad that people want to dig you into a grave before even knowing you.

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

^exactly!! I always dream of a world without races but there will always be something to discriminate against thx i never thought of myself as bubbly haha

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

Tomorrow is memorial day!! Also thursdays the last day of school.. im gonna miss all my senior friends IM JUST A SOPHMORE >.<!!!! and thats when school starts back :L but in a weird sense im not really rushing graduating for highschool the future scares me.. I have to go to college to get a decent job but all the fees that come with it are ridiculous! if I get a decent job im still going to have to pay them all off thus making my decent job just good enough to pay and nothing else... ITS SOME SORT OF CONSPIRACY!!! ALSO.. I dont know what else Ill do besides work.. I mean.. Its not hard for me date guys God knows how many times i fell in and out of "liking" but how will I meet them outside being stuck in a classroom all day? Im not really interested until i know them good. anyways summertime is almost here I'm going to NY for the summer theres lots of laughs when me and my cousin get together

 

[Srijita52]

^I can relate with the fear of future. But I guess its looks a little scary when you're far from it and don't know what you'll face. I'm sure you'll be able to handle it as it comes. In the mean time enjoy your summer.

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

^ thank you so far my summer has been good. Right now im preparing for my previously mentioned trip and while i was looking for new shoes to wear I saw.. ZACK! (also previously mentioned in another one of my threads long story) when I looked over at him he was also glanced over towards me and i was in a brief moment of fear so I didnt do anything and at that moment he waved at me(he hasnt spoken to me since the 6th grade) and that just made me so angry i sharply turned away. I dont think he cared too much though but I couldnt just forget how he made me feel I wasnt just gonna be like "Hiya!!" what gives him the right to play with my emotions besides.. hes still with Tiara so there is no hope. EVEN IF THERE WAS HOPE ILL NEVER FORGET HOW MESSED UP I WAS FOR WEEKS.

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

got back from my trip yesterday.. it was cool to go sightseeing i saw the freedom tower (is that what it's called?) i also found this really excellent mcdonalds that had 3 floors ^.^ I usually dont eat mcdonalds because of all the controversy around their meat but i gave in for a second. Me and my cousin got along as usual the only thing i hate about visiting her is I look SO MEDIOCRE beside her it was like god said "hmm.. ill make you alright looking just enough for people with lower standards to like you but people with higher standards think you're repulsive and ill make your cousin a mortal goddess MWAHAHAH " *sigh* anyways envy kills so i just dont think about it. I tried to convince my parents to let me stay the whole summer but my mom babys me and im lucky to go across the street without a tracking device. I can definately see me becoming a bitter drunk :/

 

[Srijita52]

I'm glad you enjoyed the trip.
I can definitely relate to comparing yourself with your cousin, but I think you're good looking.

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

Thank you ^.^ This morning i feel like F the world I never asked to be here anyways I want so many things to be different.. to go to the greener side.. its times like these i really hope for reincarnation even though i dont really follow that religion or any.. I just want a second chance even though im far from done in this journey (i think) i kinda just wanna forget other people besides me exist i just wanna die a old spinster slowly going mad with my many cats i picked up off the streets or die without a funeral like those people who just disappear.. I dont really care no one would come anyways. thought about suicide but that has become super cliche-y and i want a more hipster way haha. I guess i can never get away from being the normal moody person i am why do some people attempt to talk to me? Ill be doing nothing in the meantime except wasting my time without a purpose until sweet death. GOOD MORNING ALL

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

Im feeling a little down but im glad its not my usual self-hating down its like a lonely down. As i type this im stuffing my face with chips, being home on vacation is harsh for my fitness, I finally got to a size 7/8 in jeans i hope i dont go back to my 11/12 i like being skinny its one less thing for me to be sad about. Last year instead of being my usual quiet i was a bit more talkative and i got accepted a bit more but then people starting thinking i was way too energetic so I guess ill tone it down a bit and go back to my gothic girl silence. ^.^ I think people like me more when im silent also b/c since i live in the south people here talk with more slang (ive gotten used to it but sometimes i notice it especially a stronger southern accent) and i talk proper so i stick out a little, I guess i completely skipped the accent department in God's great store.

 

[Nathália]

Im feeling a little down but im glad its not my usual self-hating down its like a lonely down. As i type this im stuffing my face with chips, being home on vacation is harsh for my fitness, I finally got to a size 7/8 in jeans i hope i dont go back to my 11/12 i like being skinny its one less thing for me to be sad about. Last year instead of being my usual quiet i was a bit more talkative and i got accepted a bit more but then people starting thinking i was way too energetic so I guess ill tone it down a bit and go back to my gothic girl silence. ^.^ I think people like me more when im silent also b/c since i live in the south people here talk with more slang (ive gotten used to it but sometimes i notice it especially a stronger southern accent) and i talk proper so i stick out a little, I guess i completely skipped the accent department in God's great store.

Congrats on fitting your jeans! I understand, my folks are so country it's like they don't even speak English. I used to understand them, but I've been in the city for too long. When I speak it's like the don't even take me seriously because I don't talk like they do.

 

[Srijita52]

Im feeling a little down but im glad its not my usual self-hating down its like a lonely down. As i type this im stuffing my face with chips, being home on vacation is harsh for my fitness, I finally got to a size 7/8 in jeans i hope i dont go back to my 11/12 i like being skinny its one less thing for me to be sad about. Last year instead of being my usual quiet i was a bit more talkative and i got accepted a bit more but then people starting thinking i was way too energetic so I guess ill tone it down a bit and go back to my gothic girl silence. ^.^ I think people like me more when im silent also b/c since i live in the south people here talk with more slang (ive gotten used to it but sometimes i notice it especially a stronger southern accent) and i talk proper so i stick out a little, I guess i completely skipped the accent department in God's great store.

Well done with the jeans, that's great! I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

^ Thanks you two ^.^! Wow its been a while since i posted in this journal. hmm today i feel lonely, like no one really cares whether i live or die. Recently I could care less about that too. so many things to think about: a secret i swore to keep,a certain person who pisses me off, a dead uncle who i never really gotten close to and i feel bad for not feeling any sadness like everyone else, and the everyday insecurities towards myself. On the bittersweet side: school starts in a couple of weeks (august 20th) im a little excited to be honest, i do like lazing around but it gets old fast haha.