The dating world is more horrifying than ever. Q~Q

Would my woman dump me, no matter what I did for her?

  • Yes

    Votes: 2 33.3%
  • No

    Votes: 4 66.7%

  • Total voters
    6

A friend

Well-known member
#1
Hello everyone-

I wish I could have started a topic that is FAR more positive than this one, but...

Well, I've been struggling with the game of romantic love for years, but now I've hit a block that I doubt I can break.

I acknowledged that I'm not emotionally ready for romantic relationships, and although I know I can overcome that...now I highly doubt that I'll ever have a lover, despite the fact that I'd really prefer to have one once my life is fully developed.

Why?

How to Have a Good Relationship With Your Woman

Conflict resolution strategies and techniques in marriage - InfoBarrel

Relationship advice - what women want



Although I have no doubt in my mind that I can fabricate myself into being the perfect boyfriend/husband...

The very thought of her leaving me scares me away and motivates me to never even consider getting anywhere close to having a lover.

I CAN NOT TAKE THAT KIND OF DAMAGE.

This really scares the crap out of me. I get the feeling that no matter what I do, the relationship will fail.

Despite being in my 20's, I feel like I want to quit and go on with my life. I'd really like to experience love, but not if my woman is going to leave me.

If I do decide to go on and try dating...how do I cope with that?

I'm so scared, I don't want to get dumped.

Why would a woman leave me anyway? I would give up anything for my lover and dedicate my whole life to her. But still, she's going to leave me!

Why?!
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
#2
I can't really vote on your poll because I have no idea what your partner might be thinking :confused:

I don't see why your partner would leave you for no reason. If they do, their loss, you deserve better.
 
#4
You should not worry about the person leaving you but see it as a opportunity to gain social practice and experience, you can learn a lot about yourself. It really is not the end of the world if you get dumped, there is plenty of fish in the sea.
 

A friend

Well-known member
#5
You should not worry about the person leaving you but see it as a opportunity to gain social practice and experience, you can learn a lot about yourself.

Yes, yes I could, true.

there is plenty of fish in the sea.
That's not the issue.


It really is not the end of the world if you get dumped,
It's not like that, really.

I'm not like most people, although I'm immune to many things that would sadden a lot of individuals, there are some things that can easily penetrate my emotional barriers.

For example, I know that if I were to have a lover, she would be able to access the more sensitive points of myself.

Therefore, if she wanted to, she could screw me up so bad that only God would have the vocabulary to explain the extent of the damage.

Yep, she could tear me apart in ways you couldn't imagine, and that can be BEFORE the relationship ends.

You see, if stuff like that could upset you for a few hours, that could possibly upset me for days, probably even weeks.

Basically, my lover could completely destroy me. I would be so depressed that I'd be in a mental hospital.

That's what I'm scared of, getting hurt.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
#7
Love has to be lived on a day to day basis. I get where you're coming from, but as I've said in some other thread: if you depend on someone else at an emotional level, you're screwed.

It's crucial that you've got a good grip on your own life before you get seriously involved with someone. You need to be able to say that you're okay on your own, and able to deal with what life brings. When that happens, you're ready for the next step, and you're ready to share that with someone else. But you also need to have enough emotional backbone to realize that relationships can fail, and that if they do, only the part that connected you to that person will collapse. If you feel like you whole life will turn to rubble if someone leaves you, you need to work some more on yourself.

You can also try not going all in. Yes, become involved with women, get to know them, talk about yourself and let them talk about themselves, see how it goes, see where it could go, but live everything one day at a time. Don't get paranoid and start thinking "oh what will happen if this or that happens", because you'll never be at peace if you do. Just go with the flow, and don't let yourself become too involved if you feel it'll destroy whatever progress you've made this far.
 

twiggle

Well-known member
#8
I think it's important that people feel emotionally prepared for relationships. It's true that there's always going to be an element of risk involved and that there'll always be the threat of getting dumped - but a terrible relationship in which you are always getting hurt will harm you a lot more than having no relationship at all. Building up the confidence in yourself, and finding some degree of self-acceptance, will help you prepare to handle the intensity of emotions that relationships can bring.

Despite what is often suggested in society or amongst people with social phobias - relationships should not be seen as a form of self-validation and are not the saviour to emotional instability. If seen that way they can leave you somewhere worse than when you set off. It starts from within. You don't need to love yourself in order to love others and be loved back, you just need to respect yourself and be able to put things into perspective. You like her, you date her, you fall in love with her, she leaves you: The recovery from that will always be painful and lengthy, but it's not beyond your capability. Once you believe in that, you are ready for a relationship.

Perhaps you could try dating rather than putting all the emphasis on a full-blown relationship. These things take time, once you've got to know a girl for long enough you may be at the point where you feel ready, and have enough trust in her, to commence something more. Simple dating - easy come, easy go.
 
#9
Basically, my lover could completely destroy me. I would be so depressed that I'd be in a mental hospital
I'm pretty down & depressed for much of the time, especially lately. So, due to recent & past depressing times, i tend to think i'm ALREADY damaged well beyond repair. But who knows, maybe i can be damaged even more ... anyone know any really desperate & lonely ladies of any age out there??? lol
 

MarionBerry

Well-known member
#10
Why would your woman leave you? I could list a hundred reasons why a relationship would end from the most mundane (she doesn't like the way you chew) to the more profound (you guys have differing views on moral issues).

The reality is most relationships end. It's really hard for us sensitive people to get over big losses like that. But like they say, time heals all wounds. It just takes longer for us. Besides who's to say a woman would leave you? Maybe it's YOU who will decide the relationship isn't working.
 

Aron

Well-known member
#11
"Would my woman dump me, no matter what I did for her?"

Like MarionBerry said, there could be a whole lot of reasons, life is not that simple that if you do everything right (which in itself is undefinable, what may be right for someone, may not be for someone else), then everything will be fine. And above all, nothing lasts forever, and I mean nothing. You better learn to cope with that. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and expect nothing.
 

Thelema

Well-known member
#12
The truth is most relationships end and it sucks. You can do everything right and still fail. There's no such thing as a perfect boyfriend that never gets dumped.

You just have to accept the risk and be willing to fail.
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
#13
Someone can fall out of love with you, no matter how nice you think you are being. It just happens and it's no ones fault.

I think you need more poll options.
 

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
#15
This isn't a simple yes or no question. It's a complicated issue. It's understandable that you may need to work some things out in your own life before getting into any serious relationship. But that doesn't mean you have to put off dating entirely. Maybe you should consider dating women when the opportunity comes up, but try not to get too serious and don't let her get too attached if you aren't ready. Casual dating may give you a chance to figure out what you want and don't want in a woman. You can't just expect that once you meet somebody willing to go out with you, there will be some magical way to keep her around. Being paranoid that any woman is going to leave you no matter what sounds a little desperate. Try not to be clingy and possessive because women won't find that appealing, except maybe the insecure types that let men walk all over them. There's no one solution to being the perfect boyfriend or husband. Different women want different things. You could meet a girl you like and treat her well and do everything seemingly right, but that's no guarantee she'll stick around. Sometimes there's just no chemistry. Some people just aren't compatible. You can't force someone to love you. You might even find that you need to be the one to end a relationship. If things aren't going well, you can't expect her to change and it doesn't necessarily mean you did something wrong. You might luck out and meet the right girl for you, but it usually takes some trial and error and there's a chance you might not find anyone.
 
Last edited:
Top