Section_31
Well-known member
Hey everyone.
I found this forum last night, and wanted to come on here to meet everyone, and maybe find ways to better support my wife, as well as try to manage my own issues.
Long story. you might want to grab some coffee.
Ive known her for almost 7 yrs. During that time, she always had problems with being scared in social situations, except with extremely close childhood friends. When we were engaged, she would ask me what to do during a social encounter with a friend, and how to end it. She would only feel sort of comfortable if she knew when the social engagement would end, so we would make excuses (i cant think of a gentler word) to leave at such and such a time for whatever.
We got married on sept 17th, of this year. The week leading up to it for her was absolute, pure, hell. Nothing short of the term. The closer it got, the more frightened and anxious she became, trembling uncontrollably, crying because none of our other family seemed to understand, and she couldnt keep anything down. We finally went and saw our doctor who gave her somthing to keep her calm enough to go through with the ceremony (we actually ended up getting married at 11 pm the night before our wedding day in my living room in our PJ's, awsomesauce!!!!). The next day we went through with everything and it was all fine, though she was extremely exhausted as you can probably imagine.
Now, after the wedding, things seemed fine for a while. Shes attending university, and while there, she managed to get hired for a pretty cool laboratory job. The problem was, the same anxiety from the wedding came back. The first day she was fine, because she took another one of the pill's the doctor gave her for the wedding to keep her calm. She did ok, and on the second day, she thought she would be ok, and went in to work without taking the pill. When i picked her up (this was last tuesday, the 2nd of nov) i could tell immediately somthing was wrong. She got into my truck, trembled, and it was as if the dam broke. She cried hard. She had BAD anxiety, and had been bottling it all day. And it finally cracked. She threw up again later that night and has been really nervous ever since. This whole week shes had almost no apetite, and has not been sleeping well. Her eating habits are slowly returning to normal, but its been really hard for her.
This morning, she resigned from the job, not just for anxiety reasons, but because it was also interfering with her uni schedule. She just feels awful about all of this, and both our families arent helping. Her dad, the gruff old military man, just tells her to "Buck up and push through". Her mom gently says the same thing. My family on the other hand simply try to motivate her by saying that both of us have to work to survive in the world, ect ect. Basically telling us what we both already know. None of this makes her feel any better or helps her.
Our doctor has her on citalopram, for the anxiety. Shes been on this for 2 yrs already now also for depression. Were also going to try to approach this phsycologically, as this friday we have an appointment with a therapist who deals with SA. Im going with her, as i support her and love her no matter what, and im also hoping that A. i can provide an outsider's perspective on the matter and maybe that will assist said professional, and B. Im hoping i can learn better ways from said specialist to support my hunny.
Aside from eachother, and maybe 1 or 2 friends, we really have no one to talk to about any of this, and id be lying if i said it wasnt extremely hard at times, but then thats what marriage is about right?. I took a vow to support her. What does make it easier is she WANTS to get help, and is trying really hard. It would be much more difficult if she didnt realize this was a problem.
Me on the other hand, i came on here also to help myself, as sometimes when im tired of all of this, i dont have anyone to talk to myself. I sometimes tell her how i feel, but i dont want to make her more anxious when shes already having a panic attack. So alot of the time, i keep it quiet untill its a better time to talk about it. I know this isnt somthing i can do alone which is why ive come on here, as well as going with her to the appointment on friday. At least ive got a place to get things out. That, and i was also hoping you guys on here might know other ways I can help/support my wife.
She grew up in a pretty rough household. Her dad has PTSD, and he would always scream at and bully his kids. He never ever got physical or anything of that sort, but it affected her, as shes always been very quiet and doesnt like to be in the spotlight. She used to be deathly afraid of making phone calls, and he would stand there and bully her into it, thinking that she was "facing her fears" when he really had no idea what was going on. In short, while im sure he might have meant well in his own way, he just made the problem worse. Her mom also has the same problems as she does.
Anyway, i have to take a break for now. But i will type more about all of this later on.
Thanks for listening guys.
I found this forum last night, and wanted to come on here to meet everyone, and maybe find ways to better support my wife, as well as try to manage my own issues.
Long story. you might want to grab some coffee.
Ive known her for almost 7 yrs. During that time, she always had problems with being scared in social situations, except with extremely close childhood friends. When we were engaged, she would ask me what to do during a social encounter with a friend, and how to end it. She would only feel sort of comfortable if she knew when the social engagement would end, so we would make excuses (i cant think of a gentler word) to leave at such and such a time for whatever.
We got married on sept 17th, of this year. The week leading up to it for her was absolute, pure, hell. Nothing short of the term. The closer it got, the more frightened and anxious she became, trembling uncontrollably, crying because none of our other family seemed to understand, and she couldnt keep anything down. We finally went and saw our doctor who gave her somthing to keep her calm enough to go through with the ceremony (we actually ended up getting married at 11 pm the night before our wedding day in my living room in our PJ's, awsomesauce!!!!). The next day we went through with everything and it was all fine, though she was extremely exhausted as you can probably imagine.
Now, after the wedding, things seemed fine for a while. Shes attending university, and while there, she managed to get hired for a pretty cool laboratory job. The problem was, the same anxiety from the wedding came back. The first day she was fine, because she took another one of the pill's the doctor gave her for the wedding to keep her calm. She did ok, and on the second day, she thought she would be ok, and went in to work without taking the pill. When i picked her up (this was last tuesday, the 2nd of nov) i could tell immediately somthing was wrong. She got into my truck, trembled, and it was as if the dam broke. She cried hard. She had BAD anxiety, and had been bottling it all day. And it finally cracked. She threw up again later that night and has been really nervous ever since. This whole week shes had almost no apetite, and has not been sleeping well. Her eating habits are slowly returning to normal, but its been really hard for her.
This morning, she resigned from the job, not just for anxiety reasons, but because it was also interfering with her uni schedule. She just feels awful about all of this, and both our families arent helping. Her dad, the gruff old military man, just tells her to "Buck up and push through". Her mom gently says the same thing. My family on the other hand simply try to motivate her by saying that both of us have to work to survive in the world, ect ect. Basically telling us what we both already know. None of this makes her feel any better or helps her.
Our doctor has her on citalopram, for the anxiety. Shes been on this for 2 yrs already now also for depression. Were also going to try to approach this phsycologically, as this friday we have an appointment with a therapist who deals with SA. Im going with her, as i support her and love her no matter what, and im also hoping that A. i can provide an outsider's perspective on the matter and maybe that will assist said professional, and B. Im hoping i can learn better ways from said specialist to support my hunny.
Aside from eachother, and maybe 1 or 2 friends, we really have no one to talk to about any of this, and id be lying if i said it wasnt extremely hard at times, but then thats what marriage is about right?. I took a vow to support her. What does make it easier is she WANTS to get help, and is trying really hard. It would be much more difficult if she didnt realize this was a problem.
Me on the other hand, i came on here also to help myself, as sometimes when im tired of all of this, i dont have anyone to talk to myself. I sometimes tell her how i feel, but i dont want to make her more anxious when shes already having a panic attack. So alot of the time, i keep it quiet untill its a better time to talk about it. I know this isnt somthing i can do alone which is why ive come on here, as well as going with her to the appointment on friday. At least ive got a place to get things out. That, and i was also hoping you guys on here might know other ways I can help/support my wife.
She grew up in a pretty rough household. Her dad has PTSD, and he would always scream at and bully his kids. He never ever got physical or anything of that sort, but it affected her, as shes always been very quiet and doesnt like to be in the spotlight. She used to be deathly afraid of making phone calls, and he would stand there and bully her into it, thinking that she was "facing her fears" when he really had no idea what was going on. In short, while im sure he might have meant well in his own way, he just made the problem worse. Her mom also has the same problems as she does.
Anyway, i have to take a break for now. But i will type more about all of this later on.
Thanks for listening guys.
