Stressing me out badly, am I in the wrong here?

Stressball

Stressball

Well-known member
Long story short, my boyfriend discovered his vehicle registration number is not legally under his name and government workers messed up three time in giving him the forms and procedures to fix it. He finally got the right forms, but it'll take 3-5 weeks to get through and if he drives within that time and get pulls over he could be put in jail for 6 years under the law. But he has no choice, he has to drive to work and literally has nobody else that can take him.

And then out of the blue he blamed it all on me for putting a banana in his bag, which rotted and destroyed all the proper forms and documents he needed to go through the processes more smoothly. I honestly couldn't believe this, what person keeps critical documents like that crunched under their bag anyway? I put the banana in there for his lunch, then blamed his major life disaster on me. He got angry saying I should have put it in a proper container. Doesn't make sense to me since my family always put fruit in bags and eat it the next day. He left it in there for like a week forgetting about it and it rotted.

Sorry if this seems funny or overblown, but I don't know what the heck I did wrong and he really hurt me. Was it my fault at all or is he dodging responsibility? How should I try to get it into his head that he has really hurt me for supposedly "ruining his life?"
 
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WeirdyMcGee

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
It sounds to me like he was lashing out at you.

No-- it was not all your fault.
I would let it go if he could let it go, though. Not worth arguing about something like that and dragging things on.

Important legal documents do not go in lunchboxes and lunchboxes should be eaten or cleaned out daily.
The mess-up was a combination of his and other people's and I can understand the frustration but did you deserve to be blamed? No.

I think that he needs to calm down before he can realize that he was in the wrong-- before then, he might be too stubborn to see it.

Sorry, men... but this sounds like such a man thing to do.
haha
The important papers in the lunchbox, I mean.
My ex did the same thing with his birth certificate-- except rather than lunchbox; it was a tacklebox. Birth certificate wasn't laminated, so it got wet and was ruined and he tried for about 30 seconds to blame it on me for not taking it out of the box for him.
 
F

freudianslipper

Member
Its not your fault. Say that firmly to him once and then just say no repeatedly if he tries to pursue that line again. Deep down he knows its not your fault.

If it was me I'd also get one of those plastic banana protectors and make a point of putting a banana in it and placing it in their bag daily for the rest of their lives.
 
J

jc972

1
Stressball said:
Long story short, my boyfriend discovered his vehicle registration number is not legally under his name and government workers messed up three time in giving him the forms and procedures to fix it. He finally got the right forms, but it'll take 3-5 weeks to get through and if he drives within that time and get pulls over he could be put in jail for 6 years under the law. But he has no choice, he has to drive to work and literally has nobody else that can take him.

And then out of the blue he blamed it all on me for putting a banana in his bag, which rotted and destroyed all the proper forms and documents he needed to go through the processes more smoothly. I honestly couldn't believe this, what person keeps critical documents like that crunched under their bag anyway? I put the banana in there for his lunch, then blamed his major life disaster on me. He got angry saying I should have put it in a proper container. Doesn't make sense to me since my family always put fruit in bags and eat it the next day. He left it in there for like a week forgetting about it and it rotted.

Sorry if this seems funny or overblown, but I don't know what the heck I did wrong and he really hurt me. Was it my fault at all or is he dodging responsibility? How should I try to get it into his head that he has really hurt me for supposedly "ruining his life?"
Click to expand...

His own fault. For not taking care of his stuff and not cleaning out his lunchbox. What he's doing is called "blame shifting".
 
J

jc972

1
WeirdyMcGee said:
Sorry, men... but this sounds like such a man thing to do.
haha
The important papers in the lunchbox, I mean.
My ex did the same thing with his birth certificate-- except rather than lunchbox; it was a tacklebox. Birth certificate wasn't laminated, so it got wet and was ruined and he tried for about 30 seconds to blame it on me for not taking it out of the box for him.
Click to expand...

Sexist lately? :p Some of us men actually keep important papers in a safe or a lock box so our women don't misplace them :rolleyes:
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
Personal documents are that person's own responsibility unless it's been agreed upon that someone else takes care of it. You don't have to compensate for his foolish mistakes. Not to mention important documents should by default be protected in plastic folders (or something similar.)

Also, does he really have no choice but to drive? Isn't there any public transport or anything like that? Couldn't he as a last resort perhaps rent a bicycle for a month and get up a few hours earlier? It may suck for a while, but- and this may sound blunt, risking six years in jail over transport is a stupid risk to take.
 
F

freudianslipper

Member
Just so you don't feel like this is the stupidest thing someone has blamed a person for this is what happened to me once.

This guy begged me to borrow my car, I only knew him through my flatmate and didn't especially like him but he was desperate to see a girl. So despite needing it I let him borrow it, he promptly smashed it into a tree writing it off and giving himself a bit of whiplash.

Three years later I saw him again and after a few drinks he turned to me and said 'well its ok for you, you ruined my life'. After a few seconds speechlessness I asked them what they meant.

'If you hadn't loaned me your car I wouldn't have married that *****.. and I can't sleep properly because of my cricked neck from the accident.'
 
J

jc972

1
freudianslipper said:
Just so you don't feel like this is the stupidest thing someone has blamed a person for this is what happened to me once.

This guy begged me to borrow my car, I only knew him through my flatmate and didn't especially like him but he was desperate to see a girl. So despite needing it I let him borrow it, he promptly smashed it into a tree writing it off and giving himself a bit of whiplash.

Three years later I saw him again and after a few drinks he turned to me and said 'well its ok for you, you ruined my life'. After a few seconds speechlessness I asked them what they meant.

'If you hadn't loaned me your car I wouldn't have married that *****.. and I can't sleep properly because of my cricked neck from the accident.'
Click to expand...

Wow. What an... IDIOT. Nobody makes people do the dumb **** that they do!
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
It's easier to put the blame on others when you feel too stupid to admit your own failures. This is why we have cases like Freudian's "friend" and the OP's boyfriend.
 
Stressball

Stressball

Well-known member
Thanks everyone, you really helped me get through this silly drama. He ended up admitting it was mostly his fault, but he seems in semi denial still. *rolls eyes* I don't feel crazy anymore about this. *hugs to everyone*
 
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